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Through the Grapevine

Have you ever heard someone compare a wine’s aroma to "cat’s pee on a gooseberry bush" or a pile of grey flint? Wine buffs have a reputation for overblown adjectives and can seem to have a language of their own. Half the skill is in flaring one’s nostrils delicately over the glass in an attempt to demonstrate wining prowess; the other half is about having the imagination to catch a whiff of petrol or leather.

Doesn’t sound appetising? The good news is that the smell of wine isn’t necessarily a reflection of whether you’re going to like it. We both agree that our favourite has a whiff of soggy trainers left to fester under the stairs for a couple of years. Very Jilly Goolden.

What’s more, don’t feel obliged to drink the whole bottle just because its got an impressive tag on it…trust your taste buds. If they revolt when your father proudly presents his finest vintage, tucked away in the garage since he bought the house, then don’t feel you have to merrily drink the stuff as it ruins a good meal. Beginner or not, the first and most important thing you are taught is that despite the wealth of wine-related know-how, there is no substitute for being confident in your own senses. Rule number one: there are no rules. This should be a breeze then…

Wine tasting, as Bacchus President Catherine Lee explains, is a ‘contact sport’: you have to learn by doing. At the meeting, armed with a brightly coloured and amusingly-labelled tasting wheel and some guidelines, we set to examining the wine’s appearance, nose and palate. Wine tasting isn’t about knocking back glasses of the stuff: it’s about analysing smell, taste, acidity, alcohol and tannin. Swirl the wine to release its smell, and do really smell it, as so much of a wine’s taste is wrought together with its nose. And remember, what one person may smell and taste can completely diverge from the next person’s opinion. We took encouragement from this when our views clashed horribly with those around us.

Wine is also an academic subject: the beginners’ classes certainly open your eyes up to how much there is to learn about wine production and its cultural significance. The ‘Five Vs’ hint at the myriad variables that make one wine taste the way it does: vines, vineyard, vintner, viticulture and vitification. The beauty of Bacchus is that it enables you to keep building up from the foundations laid by the beginners’ course, so that the next time you’re tasting in a posh restaurant, you can use wonderful little phrases such as "this wine’s a little too young to be up so late" with aplomb.

Why does wine tasting matter? Maybe you want to make an impression on a first date. Maybe you need to choose the wine for a birthday party. Whatever the reason, skilled tasting makes you appreciate wines and their individuality: you can work out what it is you like in a drinnk and what you don’t. Experimenting with wine is fun, especially with friends. Unlike certain members of the class, we don’t profess to be connoisseurs (or perhaps that’s just Beth being bitter because she couldn’t tell the difference between a £3 and a £30 wine) but here are a few skeletal tips to get you going.

Although expensive wine does not necessarily equal good wine, spending a few extra pounds can make a world of a difference. Roughly £1.90 of how much you spend on a wine will go towards duty; a decent cork will cost upwards from £1; pasting a brand label on a bottle will add another £1. If you’re spending under £5 on a bottle, think how much it cost to actually produce the wine you’re about to drink: it doesn’t take a genius to realise it’s unlikely to taste phenomenal.

Some wines are delicious on their own but others taste wholly different when used to complement food. The easiest way to choose the best wine for meal is to take recipes and wines from the same region, where they will have developed in tandem.

Red wines are often served far too warm, and whites too cold. The colder the wine, the less aromatic and flavoursome it is. On the other hand, you might get away with pouring an abominable wine for unsuspecting friends if you serve it cold enough.

If you like the way a wine tastes now, drink it now: a wine can taste completely different with age. A bad wine will always age badly. Screw caps are nothing to be ashamed of: for young, floral whites, they’re the best way of trapping in their light flavours.Having been enlightened by the classes, we have decided to turn over a new leaf. No more Oddbins’ special in plastic cups, no more bargain bin deals. Cheese and fine wine soirées are the future.
By Cathy Thomas and Beth Williams

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