Straight to DVD Review: Trailer Park of Terror

Even for the greatest fans of slasher and horror films there comes a point where one must stand back and quietly wonder what happened to the story behind this continuous brutality. Here, in Trailer Park of Terror, surely the moment is when lonely overweight teenagers worldwide must put down their Doritos, throw their chilli dip on to the floor and cry, ‘enough is enough’.
Trailer Park of Terror should be preserved as one of the moments that film making went horribly wrong. Guided by one of the clumsiest scripts in cinema and an emotionless cast it is a genuinely embarrassing experience. For the bloodthirsty however, it more than fulfils its quota. There are skinned, armless, and headless teenagers and even a polygamous Priest served some female rape by a busty zombie.
The film follows the particularly grisly deaths of a group of teenage delinquents and their mentor at the hands of a set of trailer park folk, who satisfy every redneck cliché imaginable. Ranging from sexual perversion to an unsatisfying hunger that will only (and this is still in pre-Zombie state) be sated by eating prodigious quantities of ‘meat’, the one word afforded to ‘Larlene’ by the writer besides the ever-versatile ‘bitch’. This is a film so shoddily written, directed and acted that even the programmers at ITV4 will be hard pressed fitting it into their late night schedule, although the combination of extraneous sex scenes paired with simultaneous gore may allow it to wriggle its way onto Five.
This is a film, however, that has inspired me. I believe that life must have a sense of purpose, and through the debris of a trailer park littered with assorted human body parts swimming in a pool of fake blood, I have found mine. This is a film that is so shockingly poor that I pleadingly ask you never to watch it, or even think of watching it. It will take from you a precious ninety-eight minutes that will never be returned.
But it doesn’t matter, because before you read this I will have obliterated each remaining DVD of this tragedy and every shard will have been randomly distributed into a packet of Doritos. Overweight children across the world will never be forced from their sofa-bound magnificence by the sight of this travesty, instead unbeknownst to all but you and I they will chew away their downfall, well coated in the chilli dip of success.