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Blagging The News: Republican primaries

Mr Jones: I must say, Romney’s narrow victory at the Iowa Caucus doesn’t surprise me. I’m just shocked at the speed with which Gingrich’s star waned and Santorum’s waxed!

Mrs Jones: I’m of the same mind, my dear. What with Romney taking first in New Hampshire, he’s a shoe-in for the nomination in Florida.

Are you perplexed by potical postulation? Desperate to keep up with the Joneses, but at a loss for what to say at the dinner table? Cherwell is here to help you perfect your chit-chat.

What:

Candidates compete against each other in each of the 50 states, to see who will eventually be nominated as the Republican candidate for the Presidential elections in 2012 at the Republican National Convention in Florida. The Iowa caucus, a series of meetings, which took place on January 3rd, is the first of these showdowns. Most of the rest of the contests, including New Hampshire which took place on Tuesday, are primary elections.

Who:

The front runner is Mitt Romney, who won both Iowa and New Hampshire. Apart from Jon Hunstman, whose campaign we suspect has peaked with a third place finish in New Hampshire, Romney is the only sane candidate. Others include Ron Paul, who is running to become President of a government that he vehemently opposes in principle; Newt Gingrich who, apart from having a ludicrous name, has managed to recover his campaign (ish) after being abandoned by his entire staff; Rick Santorum, who has taken a break from opposing all things gay, to almost win the Iowa caucus. Cripes. Oh, and Rick Perry who is batshit mental. Some consolation can be found in the news that Sarah Palin wannabe Michele Bachmann dropped out of the race after polling a dismal 5% in Iowa.

Soundbites to wow with:

‘It just goes to show how unrepresentative the Iowa straw poll is. Michele Bachmann has pulled out of the race, despite winning there.’

‘Although Republican candidates have to appeal to a significant core of conservatives and evangelicals, elections are always decided in the centre – Romney’s the only one who can challenge Obama.’

Don’t say:

‘Rick Perry’s social views really encapsulate the values of compassionate conservatism.’

‘Newt Gingrich is a family man.’

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