Life in the big smoke

Realistically, you’re going to live in London when you graduate. If you think unemployment feels bad in the big city, you should try it in the countryside… The following are the highs and lows of some of London’s boroughs. 

Kentish Town

Good – Hummus, the Guardian, real ale and hemp clothing.

Bad – It tries to combine the hip-ness of 80s Camden with the suburbia of Hampstead, and achieves neither.

Shepherd’s Bush

Good – You can hang out with all the reserve professional footballers in Westfields. 

Bad – The Bellushi’s, KFC and O2 Academy axis of evil on Shepherd’s Bush Green attracts equal numbers of hostel wastemen, Nando’s rude boys and Essex geezers to one forsaken kilometre. 

Dalston

Good – Tragic nights out become ironic nights out. 

Bad – Harry Styles parties here now.

Camberwell

Good – You can get an art foundation.

Bad – You have to hang around with people who think their art foundation is going to amount to something.

Hampstead

Good – The least ‘London’ of all the boroughs – spacious, green, aesthetically pleasing and a warm atmosphere. 

Bad – The Champagne Socialists.

Clapham

Good – You’re basically still in the Oxford bubble. Also, Clapham Common is a great ‘cottaging’ spot… I heard from someone.

Bad – The rugby heroes. The Slug & Lettuce. The two-storey Vodka Revolution.

Richmond

Good – No-one will ever mug you.

Bad – No-one will ever visit you.

Chelsea/Kensington

Good – n/a

Bad – The plagues of people who still think it’s acceptable to go to The Earl of Fuckface pub and coke up in Embargoes in Ralph Lauren shirts and deck shoes every night of the week.

Chiswick

Good – There’s every chain imaginable on Chiswick High Street. You and Mummy never have to leave.

Bad – Mummy drags you along to Pilates with her friends. 

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King’s Cross

Good – Good train links to the east coast of England, if you want to throw yourself off a cliff. 

Bad – The morose, depressed faces of commuters coming in and out remind you of the happy future that awaits you.

Brixton

GoodTelling people you live there.

Bad – The O2 Academy.

Shoreditch

Good – If you want to start a riot, there are plenty of people around worth sacrificing.

Bad – The open-plan, new-age, innocent-smoothie-drinking, oxygen-bar-indulging offices of bullshit start-ups. 

Notting Hill

Good – Notting Hill Arts Club.

Bad – Notting Hill Arts Club.

Tottenham

Good – A strong selection of places to get a Afro-Caribbean haircut.

Bad – If we’re honest, the riots made some areas prettier.