College Insider at Pembroke

Our insider reveals Pembroke's concerning Pimm’s dependency

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Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Even in sunny Trinity, Pembroke students aren’t faring well: there’s only so much vitamin D that you can absorb with Tom Tower looming large across the road, and blocking out the sky. It’s a trade-off though, because at least we manage to avoid the tourists who clog up the Christ Church quads (except the ones who refuse to move out of the way of our bikes while they take pictures of the college across the road). The college itself is no longer a safe haven for students. The rebranding of Pembroke College as Pembroke Conference Centre has left us fearful. Will we be able to make it to the laundry room in our pyjamas without running into businessmen in suits? Maybe not, but we may be able to sneak a free glass of wine, so it isn’t all bad news.

The only way we’re dealing with the change is by seeking solace in the endless panini meal deals supplied by Farthings, our café, and by hoping to avoid the many men in baby pink leggings and their endless rowing chat. If we’re lucky, there won’t be too many student newspapers exploiting our welfare issues for crude front pages in future either. Even after VIIIs, the rowing doesn’t stop. That being said, we are all quite thankful to PCBC for ensuring our blood has been around 30 per cent Pimms for the most of this term—even if it means they have had to become the largest non-commercial Pimm’s purchaser in Europe. We might manage to avoid the rowers and the press, but we are still vulnerable to those snakes amongst us who will listen in on conversations, and sneakily send your weirdest words to Overheard in Farthings. People may all agree that, “crackers are merely a vessel for brie”, but do you really want to be quoted saying you “had to get quinoa from M&S, and it’s just not the same as the Waitrose stuff ”? Maybe Farthings isn’t the best place to seek solace.

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The alternative is to just spend our days hiding in the College Pink Panther costume. But, no matter how much we play up the Pink Panther, there’s only so much we can do to distract ourselves from the fact that our college colours are the same as Jack Wills, and that our stash, and the navy and pink sofas in our JCR, remind us all a little too closely of our thirteen-year-old selves. At least, for now, pink is in fashion.