Cherwell

Letter To: That Library Twat

I have finally grown the balls to confront you on your twattiness, an issue that has been concerning me since my arrival in Oxford. I’ll put it simply for the sake of clarity, and in case you can’t hear me over your vigorous tapping, incessant sneezing or loud chatter – you are the most annoying person in the library. In fact, I’d go as far to say that your presence lowers collective productivity in whatever building you’re in.

Your arrival in the library is more similar to that of the Queen at some royal engagement than of a student desperately trying to complete an essay. You stop at regular intervals to wave at someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with. But then this ‘catch up’ turns into a fully blown conversation about one another’s lives and the life of your friends’ sister’s dog’s. I’m all for having a cosy chat, but not in a library, where your cosy chat is ruining the life of others. If I fail this year I know who I’m blaming. You finally manage to find a seat, and what a struggle that was. Even before you found your long-lost friend, you had already managed to push a pull door, trip over the carpet, and nearly fall of a ladder searching for a book. Honestly, if you can’t make it to the library without all these incidents, is it really worth trying?

So, your laptop is out, it looks like you’re finally about to begin some actual work. But, no, next to your power point on romantic literature is a Facebook tab. And an Instagram one. Undoubtedly, you have half a dozen or more Facebook messages to respond to, and of course Instagram content to like, but also to curate. The intensity of your typing in response to a brief ‘are you going for dinner in hall?’ message is something of a shock. In the silence of the library, the sound of you vigorously bashing away resonates throughout the room. I’m pretty sure laptops don’t have any formal rights, but I’m sorry that yours has to contend with such malicious abuse on a daily basis. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to upload photos from a laptop, and so your phone isn’t immune from this treatment, and nor are the rest of us. Soon enough you’re trying to get the ‘perfect’ photo of the library that you could’ve more easily found online (and without disturbing other people).

Besides tapping, you also make a vast array of other noises, that never fail to amaze (annoy) me. The one I personally find most irritating is clicking. Are these finger exercises really necessary in a public space, particularly a library? Sneezing and blowing your nose I can forgive; no one decides to be ill by choice. But when you spend the entire time sniffing, I find it hard not to become irritated. I may be a bit sensitive, easily irritable and slightly desperate to find any distraction from my essay, but this doesn’t warrant you making these odd noises. Please stop. And, if you can’t stop, please leave.