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Skelet-Anne

Students at St Anne’s College were relieved last Tuesday morning to find that the skull of Clarissa, the model skeleton which is on display in the college library, had been safely reattached to the rest of her body, having mysteriously vanished the previous week.

The damage to the beloved college icon was first reported on Friday afternoon, when it was observed that Clarissa’s regular head had been replaced by a lower jaw from a different set of bones. It was not clear exactly when the switch was carried out.

The event proved traumatic to students who were used to working around an intact skeleton, and particularly to those medics who rely on Clarissa for a helping hand with their anatomy work.

Conn McGrath, a first year studying medicine at St Anne’s, described the theft as “horrific”, and told Cherwell how highly he and his fellow medics value Clarissa.

He said, “she was like a mother…and would never laugh when we mixed up the femur and the frenulum.

“The fact that someone stole her most beautiful asset, her old brittle skull, is truly despicable.”

He also described how grateful he is that the skeleton is whole once more, insisting, “I’ve learnt many a thing gazing into those deep eye sockets, and am truly thankful that her skull has now returned. Long live Clarissa!”

Nor were medical students the only library users dismayed at Clarissa’s sudden and inexplicable decapitation. Classicist Thomas Catterall admitted to being so disturbed by the sight of the headless skeleton that he thought about offering a reward for her safe return himself.

Indeed, the college would have faced a hefty bill if the skull had not been recovered. It is impossible, according to an email sent to members of the college by acting librarian Sally Speirs, to replace Clarissa’s head without buying an entirely new skeleton, a purchase which would have set the college back £410.

Thankfully, the skull is now back in its rightful place. Speirs told Cherwell that the object had been reattached by 8.00 on Tuesday morning, having been returned anonymously during the night.

Though the identity of the thief remains unknown, Speirs takes a light-hearted view of the skull’s temporary disappearance, saying, “I like to think that she’d gone to the Young Vic to audition for the part of Poor Yorick (to play opposite the lovely Michael Sheen) in their forthcoming production of Hamlet.

“Without her hip bones she might’ve thought she was in with a good chance!”

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