Hilda’s joins Catz in declaring war on Magdalen


On Sunday night, St Hilda’s College JCR passed a motion declaring war on Magdalen. The motion, proposed by Raphaelle Vallet, noted, “[St Hilda’s] hate Magdalen, for their walled fortress aims to separate us from hunting grounds, preventing us from hunting deer in the winter”, before resolving to “declare war on Magdalen college”. This motion comes a week after St Catz made a high-profile declaration of war. Hilda’s motion contains the resolution to “declare a formal alliance with St. Catz against the aggressors.”

Raphaelle Vallet, who identified herself as “Chief General of the Hildabeasts”, informed Cherwell that she had been “impressed” with the St Catz motion and that it was “their act of courage which inspired us to shake off the chains of fear and sharpen our battle-axes.” Vallet’s main grievances with Magdalen appear to be related to both their geographical expansion and the general attitude of Magdalen students, which she described as “haughty” and “superior”. Vallet went on to say that, along with the war committee at St Catz, St Hilda’s were intending to “fight until Magdalen grounds have become the common property of Hilda’s and Catz – and Magdalen acknowledge the bridge for what it has always been: St Hilda’s Bridge.”

It has been revealed to Cherwell that Chris Starkey, proposer of the St Catz motion, has written to the St Hilda’s contingent to express his excitement at the “great news”. Starkey added that he “will begin preparations for a conference, and extend the same hospitality to your warriors” and that they may “consider Catz bar a haven, for all who stand against the Magdalen scourge.”

Making reference to this alliance, Vallet informed Cherwell that the Allied Forces would “do their best to spare Magdalen’s civilians if Magdalen’s JCR was to apologise to Catz for its acts of aggression, come to terms with its neighbours and abandon its superiority complex.”

Despite the, seemingly, growing threat facing Magdalen, Millie Ross, the College’s JCR President responded to the St Hilda’s motion by musing, “Perhaps it should be my job to rally the troops, but since my real role is to accurately represent the sentiment of the JCR, I think that I should really just vocalize our apathy.”

This line of thought was reiterated by Magdalen JCR spokesperson Tim Slatcher who observed, “Given its location and architecture, I always assumed Hilda’s was a Brookes hall of residence.”

Ross went on to speculate, “Other colleges are offering support to our inferior enemy out of sympathy, or indeed to also get their colleges noticed in the same way Catz have been.”

There are rumours that further colleges, including New and St Hugh’s, might declare war on Magdalen, yet Magdalen has no plans to recruit allies of their own. Ross told Cherwell that the JCR is “yet to seek support for this apparent threat – if anything more than just ‘talk’ materialises then perhaps we will feel the need to.”

Officials from Catz and Hilda’s have suggested that any aggressive action might wait until Trinity, giving the Allies time to recruit further supportive colleges.


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