Untitled Archive Articles

Left turn Oriel JCR is considering the use of legal force against College bursars. Oriel looks set to take the Estate Bursars Committee to the Monopolies Commission over price-fixing in College. However, some students seemed doubtful about the protest, saying, “This is likely to lead to short shrift from the College,” said one member of the JCR, “as our provost chairs the Commission.”Time bomb A time capsule containing controversial items is to be buried in the building site at St. Anne’s College. Future generations of students will be able to marvel at artefacts representing College life circa 2003. Amongst the JCR list of items are a bottle of Pimm’s, an “inflammatory Cherwell article or two” regarding the building project and a fresher’s week T-shirt.Boob rep Attempts to place the female figure at the front of LMH’s image failed at the weekend when Catrin Llewelyn deemed herself unworthy of the title “Boob Rep,” despite being universally considered to have “a pert and luscious pair”. The ensuing debate collapsed when it was realised that no fair judgement could be made without the comparative viewing of all female breasts in the room in order to find any hidden beauties with a claim to the title.Shell-shocked Balliol amateur detectives have been set on the trail to find the thieves of their pet tortoise Rosa. One fresher was convinced that she could not possibly have wandered off. “We’d have soon found her, she’s not that speedy,” he said. Attention has turned to arch-rivals Trinity and tortoise-racing foes Corpus Christi. Tortoise shell, when powdered, is a highly potent aphrodisiac, a clue that leads many students to suspect their sex-starved Broad Street neighbours. Speaking to Cherwell Kate Sagovsky fumed “I am very disappointed that Rosa was stolen by those ruffians.” “Trinity ruffians,” interjected another furious fresher.ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003