Last week Susan Kennedy got a makeover. Unfortunately the
revamping of the Neighbours star’s look did not live up to
our expectations – she merely invested in a few more
teacherly silk scarves, a long beaded necklace and got her hair
blow-dried by Lynne. But in the world of Neighbours it worked and
now take a look at her. Karl noticed her in the pub and now she
gets invited round for dinner with strange friends from the
tennis club. And an eligible bachelor even hit on her. Soon
Harold, who inspired Susan to change her image by calling her a
frump at the coffee shop, will be “copping a perv” on
her and she will have had total success. I love a good makeover. It’s the classic super-hero
storyline: the downtrodden, undesirable person takes off their
glasses and puts on some lycra to reveal an amazing body and
smouldering eyes. The secret to a good makeover is to look completely hideous
beforehand. This will throw any slight improvement into dramatic
relief. Beautiful people masquerading as mingers guarantee
brilliant transformations for the crucial ‘before” and
‘after’ photos. In magazines the ‘before’
photo always features the subject looking vacant, cross-eyed and
miserable with massive bags under their eyes. In the ‘after’ photo they are all smiley and
bright-eyed, their life changed forever; no one is out of their
league now. So, inspired by the Australian soap and full of hope
and merriment on this sunny afternoon in the summertime, I got
one boy and one girl and gave them both a makeover. Mo, 20, wanted a smarter look as he has been wearing a pair of
trainers with a massive hole in the bottom for about a year. He
says, “Sometimes I would step in a puddle and then have wet
feet for days.” He also hates every t-shirt he owns:
“They all make my head look massive.” Mo’s
transformation merely involved him putting on another t-shirt and
some new jeans. As I say, the secret to gaining sex appeal in the
makeover is little more than taking off the glasses. Anna, 18, wanted a more sophisticated style, as she thinks she
looks about 12 years old and claims, “Last week the waiter
in a restaurant mistook me for a child and gave me the
children’s menu and crayons.” Anna put on her least
flattering t-shirt, which she made in an art lesson at school
when she was really 12. The next thing she knew, she was in a
dress and heels in a meadow, spring had sprung, the sun was
setting and go on then, she says, “Ki-iss Me”. The
effects of the makeover won’t last long and I can’t say
what hope the future holds for Susan, Anna and Mo. Fashion is
short-lived. The sun will go down. Turn around and your head
might still be massive. You might get given the crayons again.
Karl might still shag Izzy. Never mind; for now, chuck out the
‘before’ and savour the ‘after’.ARCHIVE: 0th week TT 2004