If there’s one thing I dislike about this place,
it’s the musty world of ‘secret’ societies.
Bastions of old boy networking and the occasional social upstart,
they epitomise everything that makes me cringe about Oxford. That
and the VIP room at da Bridge. These societies pride themselves on being
‘exclusive’. You can’t join at Freshers’
Fair. Prospective members must wait patiently for their
credentials to be verified. Then there is the small matter of
initiation. This frequently involves drinking from a funnel until
you throw it all back up again into a plastic bucket which is
considered the mark of a true gentleman. Other societies insist upon a more brutal selection procedure.
The infamous Bullingdon Club initiate their members by trashing
their rooms, destroying all expensive equipment in their wake.
The point is, if you’re rich enough, you just don’t
care. Wanton acts of vandalism to make even football hooligans proud
are merely the beginning. Piers Gav are reputed to organize soirees of drug taking, at
mysterious, rural locations. Not even the members know where they
spent the evening, or in most cases, how. Abrasive drugs may well
be one way to keep them quiet I guess. At another ‘gentlemen’s’ society, the venerable
members celebrate their historical allegiance to King James II,
making a toast over a bowl of water to symbolize his exile
‘over the water’ in France. Sounds harmless enough. And
then there is the singing of right-wing songs, which has resulted
in bans from many restaurants in Oxford. Typically these societies only invite men into their ranks,
although the more progressive ones do permit a highly select
female contingent to attend certain events. One such Stamford society boasted of its ‘enlightened
attitude towards the opposite sex’ in a recent invitation.
Whatever next? Animals? And for those sorry few of you whose appetites have been
whetted, but remain uninitiated, take heart. A luminous wristband
is all it takes for admittance to the most exclusive society in
Oxford. Just make sure you keep your mouth shut.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004
Thought of the Week…
