Lincoln JCR has decided to hire a
prostitute for one of its undergraduates for his birthday. The motion was submitted
at Sunday night’s JCR meeting by members of Lincoln’s football team, who were worried about
team mate Thomas Plowman’s apparantly deficient love life. The motion, which passed almost unanimously,
noted that Plowman, a second year English student, “has not had sex for a long
time”. It continued, “Nothing would please Mr Plowman more that to get his end away
on his birthday”. Amendments to the motion ruled that
the prostitute in question must be male and bestowed with “a large phallus”. A
maximum price for the prostitute was set at £10 “for everything”. One student
said, “It would be cheaper to buy him a ticket to the Brookes Pleasuredome.” JCR President Ollie Munn said, “The
JCR is always looking for new ways to offer its members a good service, even if
we do have to hire in outsiders.”The motion specifically
stipulates that “Mr Plowman must also be the penetratee rather than the penetrator”.
In the interests of Plowman’s welfare, it has been decreed that “The JCR also
resolves that Tom must then book an appointment for the following week with Dr
Gancz”.ARCHIVE: 3rd week MT 2005
Lincoln JCR hires gigolo to help member
