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This summer, students approaching the second year have been getting broody as they experience firsthand the miracle of life. Luckily for them, they get to skip the sleepless nights, the breast feeding and the baby sick which usually make life hard for new parents. Instead, they get a young adult who can generally take care of themselves, although freshers’ week may result in the same level of vomiting.
Being a college parent isn’t the most complicated job in the world, but there are certainly some things to keep in mind. Whether your new child has just arrived or if you’re a new first-year with a kid due in twelve months, there are a few pointers to remember, just to ensure that your little bundle of joy manages to stay on the right road.
Some doctors suggest that talking to the unborn child in the womb can be helpful to the baby’s growth and development (it also works for pumpkins). Similarly, before you meet your own child, communication is advisable simply to establish a good rapport, whether it’s a lengthy letter or a quick e-mail. Be wary of humorous opening sentences though; "Luke, I am your father" references might be a good way to break the ice, but are perhaps not to be recommended when there’s a chance, albeit a slim one, that your kid has recently been searching for their birth parents. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so when meeting your college child for the first time, make sure that you give them more than a two minute chat. Buy them a drink and get to know them a bit, and offer advice without patronising them, especially since there’s a good chance that they’re older than you.
A child’s first years are the most important for their progress, so it’s not surprising that their first days in Oxford, freshers’ week, is crucial. Advise them on the best places to go and be the familiar face in the crowd without being too much of a crutch, and don’t be offended if they don’t jump for joy every time they see you, all birds will fly the nest eventually. If it goes the other way though, and your child wants to spend as much time as possible with you, it’s probably best not to take advantage. Committing college incest in First Week is sleazy and is more likely to have a negative effect on their reputation than yours, so if you actually manage to find your soul mate in the delivery room then at least refrain from acting for a while.
The concept of college parenting goes hand in hand with the Oxford tradition of college marriage, so if you have a spouse, then you have the opportunity to introduce the extra parent over dinner. You might want to stop there with your explanation of the family tree though, as the Oxford custom gets a little old by the time you’ve met your mother’s sister’s aunt. Also, if you never managed to find the husband-wife for you, avoid the bastard-spinster-orphan jokes; it’s just a tad pathetic, and if you’re given more than one child, then avoid blatant favouritism as no one likes playing second fiddle.Research shows that ten to fifteen percent of new mothers are depressed after birth, and some develop negative feelings towards their newborns, which raises an issue with your sprog; what happens if you hate your child? What if they’re just a bit of a loser, or a complete creep? Luckily for you, you don’t have to be best friends, but if they need some advice, it is only fair that you help out, or at least send them to someone who can. College parenting doesn’t take too much effort, and shouldn’t cost you more than a pint or a carnation come exam time. It’s all about giving someone security for a potentially scary couple of weeks, reassuring them that all will be fine. Basically, then, it’s fostering without the tax benefits.
