Lincoln prepares for zombie attack

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On Sunday evening Lincoln JCR passed a motion specifying the course of action to be taken in the case of an alien attack.

The motion passed, although an amendment was made which included a raptor attack as another situation in which the contingency plan would be effected.

The motion proposed that two tins of baked beans should be stored in the JCR kitchen to sustain the JCR in the case of invasion. Members of the JCR Committee are to be allocated ‘JCR weapons’ to fight off any invaders, with the President receiving a ‘JCR bat.’
Richard De Vere, who proposed the raptor amendment said that he did not wish to comment on his decision for fear of raptor reprisal.

JCR President James Meredith said, “It is great to be prepared. I’m especially grateful to Richard for alerting us to the possibilities of dinosaurs.”

The motion specified that all those with surnames beginning with ‘A’ to ‘M’ should attempt to make peace with the aliens, or raptors, whereas those with surnames beginning with ‘N’ to ‘Z’ should attempt to fight them off.

The motion was brought forward by Meredith, following an enquiry by Cherwell into the rumored existence of a contingency plan for alien invasion. This was not the case at the time, but prompted Meredith to propose it.  “I’m very pleased that Cherwell brought this to our attention,” he said.

A second motion passed during the meeting which recognised student Will Chamberlain’s tortoise, James Bond, as the official Lincoln tortoise.  Bond will also receive training for the annual tortoise race.

Will Chamberlain said, “It is great that James Bond finally has the backing of the JCR.  James will be trained hard in the coming year so that he can secure a solid win next Trinity.”

Savitri Tan, a first year linguist, expressed her pleasure that these issues of possible attack were being taken seriously. “With the changing nature of society and the fact that we will soon have a permanent tortoise, every possible eventuality must be catered for.”

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