‘It always seems to be the case that in the majority of relationships the boy is older than the girl. At school all the eligible, potential girlfriends had older boyfriends who at the time were working or at university. When I arrived at university the same thing happened, this time with the third year boys. Now that I am beginning my third year, should I feel bad about hanging about with the freshers with the ulterior motive of meeting girls?’

I wish you had let me know that finding a suitable partner at school would have been as straightforward as me getting out my driving licence. Not as proof that I either have a car or am able to drive which are so clich├ęd that they’re almost not cool anymore, but instead to brag about the fact that my date of birth was, albeit only just, in the eighties. This is the same driving licence that opens up the door to a wide range of other things girls might be attracted to: the rebellious teenage boy who buys perfectly legal tobacco and chain smokes, but only on Friday and Saturday nights, or being the one who purchases a large bottle of Tesco’s finest vodka to be drunk in the cold on a park bench. I also wish it was actually like that, but I am afraid it simply isn’t. There are plenty of younger boys whom, whilst not describable as hirsute, can be debonair and more than able to find a girlfriend. The age difference tends to be a result of varying maturity and similarly, girlfriendless boys tend to be a result of eligibility. So of course, you can try leading on a naive fresher girl who is desperate to make friends.

Yes you can hope to enter into an all too temporary and selfish relationship which will end as soon as finals mean you don’t have time for it any more. Perhaps the chat up line, “I am familiar with Oxford’s ridiculous one-way and library systems,” will work for you. But I have a strong feeling that it won’t, rendering your unscrupulous intentions moot.