Fun has been put down once more at Jesus College this week, after the JCR fulfilled their commitment to frame a letter of apology commissioned last term.

The letter, written by the perpetrator of an “incriminating stain” on the pool table, was ordered in a motion passed at the JCR meeting in 6th Week of Michaelmas. Acknowledging rumours that the stain was “composed of bodily fluids”, it went on to state that “no JCR member wishes to put their hands in the bodily fluids while playing pool”.

In order to deal with the incident, the motion proposed that the said male should write “a letter of apology to the entire JCR explaining his actions” which “will be framed and placed beside the pool table”.

The anonymous student states in his letter, “The pool table is a piece of equipment that facilitates a multitude of complex, enjoyable and satisfying cue sports, among them pool, snooker and billiards.
“It is not, therefore, an appropriate place for me to deposit two teaspoons of my unborn children.”

Second year Jesus student Declan Clowry, said, “I think it’s good that he had the balls to come clean. I just hope it doesn’t become a cue for more unorthodox potting in the JCR pool room.”

The motion was proposed by Jesus student Max Gordon-Brown, and seconded by Michael Lisanti. The shaming of the students involved was passed with an outright majority, with only one JCR member voting against it.

One Jesus student, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he was “a little bit impressed by the guy. Nobody thought he had it in him”.

Fears of the “death of fun” at Jesus were sparked last term when JCR members fought back against academic initiatives imposed by college authorities by wearing of black armbands to mourn the loss of merriment.