Mr Jones – Are we not all agreed that if one’s partner accuses one of domineering habits, criticises one’s decisions, but still happily takes one’s money, and even threatens to leave, only to elicit more and more cash, then one should be quite happy, and not at all reluctant, to see the back of them?
Mrs Jones – Yes… yes my dear, the Westlothian question is a terribly taxing one indeed; perhaps we should discuss it at greater length later, maybe once our guests have left?
Are you perplexed by potical postulation? Desperate to keep up with the Joneses, but at a loss for what to say at the dinner table? Cherwell is here to help you perfect your chit-chat.
What:
After years of patriotic bravado, devolutionary teasing, and occasional weird allusions to that battle Braveheart fought in, the Scots may actually have to decide whether to stay in the UK. Motives for leaving include: oil wealth, hatred for Thatcherite English politics, opposition to English spending cuts, and general contempt for the English themselves. A vote would basically hinge on how many barrels of oil the North Sea has left.
Who:
Alex Salmond is still trumpeting independence while delaying an actual referendum, because independence would leave him unable to blame the English for, well, everything, and because a no vote would leave his entire political career looking rather silly. David Cameron cannot ignore Scotland’s voters, but equally does not want to be the guy, who, when asked if Scotland could put an end to five hundred years of political and economic unity, said ‘umm, yeah, I guess so’.
Soundbites to wow with:
‘Scotland has at best a decade before the oil dries up, and then what? The SNP’s post-independence plans amount to taxing and spending their way to a national revival that has apparently been just around the corner for about a century.’
‘Salmond’s weak point may be his commitment to taking Scotland into the EU, which, if Sarkozy and Merkel have their way, may prove to be a far more intrusive master than England ever was.’
Don’t say:
‘Did you know that Scots make up 10% of the UK’s population by number, but 15% by weight?’
