As usual, a new series in Chelsea brings a glitzy array of new characters to fuel SW3’s beloved bitching: however this time, it was more of a barrage. From Andy and his nostrils to up-in-my-grill Lucy, the producers left no room for peace. But series 4 didn’t really expand, it just sank to even greater depths than we could have possibly imagined: from the ‘erotic’, a 50 Shades of Vom shower-scene with Spenny-Weez, to the violent, thanks to Millie Smackintosh, but more crucially to the clunkingly inauthentic, less endearingly set-up than badly-acted poorly-scripted sub-soap.
So, was the series finale a slap to the face? Louise cried multiple times (totally out-of-character) and there were also a lot of very awkward prolonged shots, in which members of the Chelsea gang look awkwardly at each other. Having said this, I’m still not quite sure about what happened to Gabriella. After whinnying something about leaving London, she gets into a black cab looking awfully downcast. But somehow, in a way which doesn’t induce any sympathy. Maybe she was escaping the hordes of Twitter h8rz that still haven’t forgiven her for that horrific rainbow dip-dye in season 3. But basically, as Twitter-user @connorandrws succinctly concludes, ‘watching the Gabriella and Ollie taxi scene makes [us] want to castrate [ourselves].’
But what about series 4 as a whole? What have we learnt? Sadly, if anything, that this ‘structured reality’ perhaps isn’t as real as it is publicised to be: a classic example of MIC falling into the category of ‘scripted’ rather than ‘spontaneous’ is of course, the Spencer-Louise thing. None of us are going to conveniently forget about Channel 5’s The Bachelor. We pretend to, because watching a weekly MIC bitch-fest is our guilty pleasure, and we wouldn’t want to ruin that. But still we knew something was up. The predictability of the finale just sums up the progression of the genre: reality is spontaneous. Made in Chelsea is not. The rare occasions when reality interrupts this structured glitz – for example, that mundane setback when Herbie was taken away to a foster home– serve as glimmers of hope. But sadly, there aren’t too many.
Lastly, if you were upset you missed the End Of Year Party on NYE because you were getting drunk, don’t worry. It was excruciating. And if you think the broadcasted episodes of MIC are awkward, this was just on another level. Even Binky’s ‘TOTES AMAZE’ t-shirt didn’t alleviate the pain.
So yes, the series 4 finale wasn’t as shocking as it was trying to be, and apart from Francis and his teddy-bear, I won’t be missing anyone. And for now, we can say ‘but whatever’. I guess we watch MIC for the bitching, not its insights on people and reality. But when you think of MIC’s counterparts, the critically acclaimed Desperate Scousewives, or even TOWIE, I don’t know how many more series of MIC we’ll be able to bear before the ‘structured reality’ of SW3 starts getting up in our grill… or disappears entirely. Something tells me it won’t be too long.
