Cinephilia (n): Not a nasty virus or a particularly niche sex-crime (although it can be either. Or both.), cinephilia is a love of cinema, and this Oscars season you too can join the fun: 

  1. Master the Jargon: The key to sounding like a cinephile – your best bet is calling everything “Interesting”. With a capital ‘I’. Yes it’s totally without meaning, but it sounds analytical. Also try “meta/pastiche/derivative” or a combination of all three, with prefixes like “proto/post/psuedo”. You could even go for “aspect-ratio” or “sound-mixing” if you’re feeling ambitious. If you get really stuck just talk about the phalanges.
  2. Have more impressive favourite films: Put the BFI ‘Sight and Sound’ Top 20 List in hat. Pick out four. Wikipedia the plots. These are now four of your five favourite films. Be sure to instagram well-worn DVD covers of these four with bowls of popcorn with caption along the lines of: ‘Just Me and Battleship Potempkin again. #Director’sCut.’
  3. Get a bit meta: Speaking of favourite movies: Cinema Paradiso. It’s now your ‘omfgfavouritemovieofalltimeever’. You know how Harry Potter is all wise because his greatest fear is dementors, and they embody fear itself? Cinema Paradiso is a film about loving cinema. It’s your new equivalent: a film of the cinephile, by the cinephile, for the cinephile. Pseudo-Meta-Interesting.
  4. Lead (dominate) the Conversation: Never be content to talk about the actual film in discussion. Make constant reference to earlier work/short films/that one that was only shown that one time in one cinema in a bunker in St Petersburg in 1923.
  5. For actual info we heart IMDb/Empire Magazine/Rotten Tomatoes. Or watch some films and have some thoughts. Your call.