A “joke” motion, in which two students asked for the provision of lube, was passed in a Pembroke JCR meeting last Sunday. The motion was recognised by its proposers to be moot, as lube is already provided for free at Pembroke. However, the request for lube seems to have been made solely in order that the proposers could include a plethora of scatological puns.
The meeting at which the motion aired was the first of term, and also on the agenda were eight charity motions, self-defence classes for women and constitutional reform. The girlfriend and boyfriend team, Jessica Kempner and Michael Smith, who respectively proposed and seconded the motion, asked to have lube “readily available at all times via the contraception box.” The motion then went on to imply that the lube being asked for would be needed for anal sex through the use of puns. Cherwell has counted at least 10 anus-related puns in total in the motion.
According to the proposition, lube should be provided ‘by the back door’ of Pembroke JCR. ‘Without being too anal’ it continues ‘this JCR should be bending over backwards to get to the bottom of why the needs of some of its more adventurous members have not been consistently accommodated for.’
‘This JCR resolves to not turn the other cheek butt be certain that no other member of this JCR need ever have reason to ars-ke themselves why their needs have not rear-ly been addressed. And to the naysayers this JCR says, poo poo!’
The motion was sent out in a pre-meeting email containing proposed motions by JCR secretary, Ella St George Carey. Following the listing of the motion, Carey told Pembroke “There are no words”. However, a lack of verbosity didn’t seem to be an issue the girlfriend-boyfriend team faced, as they flaunted both their flair for the literary conceit and sexual proclivities in the flatulently pun-tastic motion.
Jessica Kempner and Michael Smith told Cherwell: “…one night last week we found ourselves in a dark, dark hole, bummed out to discover a scary lack of lube in the college contraceptive box. Not wanting to beat around the bush, we turned to the only man we knew might be able to help – Kris Blake, Welfare Rep extraordinaire…The motion we proposed was to prevent future sexual visionaries from having their efforts thwarted by finding Kris either absent from his room, or worse, having used all the lube himself.”
During the JCR meeting, the Kempner admitted that it was not a serious request: minutes from the meeting record her saying “Basically, we’ve since come to realise that the situation has been rectified, we just wanted a funny email.” The motion passed nonetheless.
However, not everyone was amused. The only “no vote” came from Jack Kinnersley, who commented “I am strongly against this kind of “joke” motion…. [which] threatens to undermine the serious job that the JCR provides in representing students, and believe these kind of joke motions distract from the real issues. I did not find the motion funny, instead I found it predictable and immature. I would also wish for the 2 students who proposed the motion to exercise their egos elsewhere in the future.”
He also added: “On the title of the motion I do not believe that every hole should be considered a goal, although I do not wish to be drawn in on which specific holes can be considered goals.”
Kris Blake and Annie Smith, the JCR Welfare Officers at Pembroke, commented “…clearly Pembroke is just an adventurous college. Overall it was a light-hearted motion that got a fair few laughs.” They also added that the motion “didn’t leave a (w)hole lot up to the imagination..”
David White, Pembroke JCR President, when asked his opinion of ‘joke’ motions, remarked “‘Joke’ motions are fine in moderation, although if they are discussed too regularly they can become a bit of a pain-in-the-arse.”
