2013 is looking to be a great year for horror fans. There’s something for everyone, whether you’re a fan of ‘holy-fuck-where-didthat-come-from’, ‘eurgh-my-gad-wasthat-his-spleen-on-that-chainsaw’, ‘jesus-bollocks-I-think-I-just-peed-a-bit’ or ‘I-can’t-sleep-with-the-lights-offanymore-she’s-under-my-bed-she’s under-my-bed’. To help plan those magical moments, Cherwell Film&TV brings you our helpful guide so you can prepare for hiding effectively behind a pillow, or for those moments spent trying to re-swallow that mouthful of vomit you just didn’t see coming.
January
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D: It’s a chainsaw massacre. In Texas. In 3D.
V/H/S: A set of home-videos with a variety of disturbing content – you
watch the characters discover the videos, and then get to scream at the
content along with them. MetARGH.
February
Mama: A couple adopt their two nieces, who’ve been inexplicably surviving lone in the wilderness. But were they actually alone? (No.)
Dark Skies: a family finds its home attacked by dark and mysterious forces.
Unoriginal but still chilling.
March
John Dies at the End: Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Thriller. A new drug sends its users across time and dimensions, but has a drawback: some return no longer human. Meanwhile, two college dropouts try and save earth from the invasion.
The Last Exorcism Part II: does what it says on the tin.
April
The Evil Dead: Teenagers in the woods discover The Book of the Dead and accidentally summon an unspeakable evil (these things should have better health and safety warnings). It sounds clichéd but the trailer suggests the sheer extremity of the horror saves it from being another tedious remake.
June
World War Z: Brad Pitt does Zombie Apocalypse.
Storage 24: “In a place designed to keep things in…How do you get out?” People are stuck in a storage facility with a monster: claustrophobic shriekfest
ensues.
Later This Year
Human Centipede III: need we say more?
Carrie: Remake of 1970’s classic.
The Collector: It’s Saw but he wears a mask instead of using a puppet. NextGen Torture Porn.
For those of you who like your horror mixed with some laughs, or even
some romance (who doesn’t love a good rom-zom-com?) 2013 has lots of
treats in store…
Horror-Comedy
Scary Movie 5: like the other 4. But with Lindsey Lohan.
A Haunted House: Paranormal Activity but with weed and farting.
HorrorRom-Com
Warm Bodies: Tony from Skins is a zombie with a heart.
Vamps: Vampires meets Clueless.
