When did it suddenly become the norm for strangers to hand out misguided, rather offensive advice? Did I miss that memo from Life? 

Clearly I did because I certainly wasn’t expecting the pep talk I received from the sales guy in Paperchase last week. I was buying place cards – something that can be done for a variety of events – when the most obtuse man on the other side of the counter pipes up…

“Are you getting married?”

“Uh…. No.”

“You seem shocked.”

“I am a little.”

“Why’s that?”

[Yes, I really did have to explain to him why I was a little surprised at firstly his forwardness and secondly, his stupidity.]

“Well, you see, I don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé. In fact, I’m not really even at that stage in my life yet I don’t think.”

“Maybe you should join a singles’ club.”

Wowowowowow … I didn’t say ‘I can’t get a boyfriend’. I said ‘I don’t have a one!’ Two very different things, my fine friend, and if I wanted your advice I would have asked, you prick.

There’s no rest for the wicked though is there?

“I mean, if you don’t have a boyfriend, who do you go to the cinema with? Or dinner?”

I said I was single. Not friendless.