-
Not knowing your route to work. The potential for awkward mistakes is not merely limited to the office; at the best of times, public transport, particularly in the big smoke, can be a bloody nightmare. If you’ve made the rookie error of not knowing your route properly, you will inevitably end up in the depths of East London trundling along on some over-ground train when you intended to get to the Strand.
-
Not leaving enough time to get there. Even if you have religiously Google-mapped the entirety of your route, don’t cut it too finely. This writer was so overcome with relief when she managed to get on the train (after a lengthy and embarrassing sprint) that she promptly sat on another passenger. This being in London, nobody commented and the passenger in question continued to read his Metro.
-
Boys wearing all the wrong things. Some of you might see Daddy heading off in the morning in a shiny power suit; however, chaps, this does not mean you need to emulate him. There is nothing worse than arriving in the office clad in an M&S polyester number and finding everyone else in sweaters and tees. But this does work both ways. Anyone planning to wear their JLS-esque scoop neck tees – just don’t.
-
Girls wearing all the wrong things. The salient piece of advice here is not to wear a super short skirt. If you do, you will develop a sort of hobble whilst you attempt to keep your skirt down and retain any shreds of dignity. Wandering eyes in the office will make that walk to the loo very long and very awkward.
-
Forgetting to go to the loo. This may seem like the kind of problem that would apply to a two-year-old. However, whilst on internships, some amongst us do not have the foresight to empty their bladder before that next lengthy presentation. 50 minutes later, we’re talking red face, jiggling foot and crossed legs. You’ll be so consumed by thoughts of the Sahara Desert (“IT’S JUST SO DRY”) that in the event someone directs a question at you, you’ve got no hope.
-
Bringing your own lunch. This could mean that you are resigned to flounder alone in the office whilst your co-workers migrate en masse to the canteen. Worse still, your boss may see you cowering behind your computer and interpret this as a demonstration of your zeal for work; cue a request for a report by 5pm.
-
Not bringing your own lunch. Some companies provide food (I use that term in the loosest sense) that could rival the worst school dinners. Jamie would have a fit, and you’ll be begging for turkey twizzlers. Office lunches are a minefield; do some reconnaissance beforehand to establish the least offensive option.
-
Attempting to be a BNIO (Big Name In the Office). Don’t try and crack joke after joke with your colleagues over every cup of coffee. Don’t wolf whistle at the secretary. Don’t try and banter with your manager. You’re there for a week, maybe a month – you are the bottom rung on the ladder. Bow, scrape and grovel; maybe they’ll pay you next time.
-
Bullshitting too much. Clearly, as Oxford students, we have all mastered the art of bullshit to some extent. An invaluable skill indeed, but it can prove dangerous. See arts students being asked to manipulate statistics at a bank because of their proclaimed ‘passion for maths’. Sell yourself well, but don’t push it, or you’ll wind up in the loos frantically sifting through Google results.
-
Don’t go on naughty websites. The definition of ‘naughty’ here will fluctuate between employers; for some, even a cursory glance at Facebook will have you sent with your bags packing. Have a stroll around the office – if you see James from finance gambling his life savings and Phillip from Marketing on ChatRoulette, you’re probably okay.
