★★☆☆☆
Two Stars
Revenge is one of those vapid TV shows that large American corporations churn out to appeal to their number 1 target audience – salivating tweens lusting after One Direction and 20 something girls ashamedly watching the catch-up under their duvet. Its premise is extravagantly clichéd – young heiress whose father was imprisoned and murdered after false accusations of terrorism seeks revenge on power family from some Wall Street occupation.
What annoys me most is its lack of realism, stemming not from its cringeworthy narrative but rather from the fact that there is not a single ugly person in the whole cast. They don’t even have to be ugly; just include someone a bit less gorgeous, for diversity purposes. Even the adults that are getting on a bit are botoxed, lipo’d and limber – why couldn’t they have just one person with some unexplained malformation to mix things up a bit?
The main protagonist is beautiful and the level of tonage on her arms makes me green with envy, whereas the two men with whom she is perpetually ensnared in a love triangle are part God and part your muscular-bit-of-rough respectively. Clearly, casting directors chose based on appearance more than on acting merit because, coincidentally, two of the cast members, including the stunning protagonist Emily, have the same on screen name lest they forget what they’re called in the throes of this complex screenplay. In any case, even if that were not true, the acting is pretty dire.
As the E4 promotion for season 3 perceptively highlights, there is a lot of looking sideways going on. What does that mean?! I don’t think I’ve ever looked sideways in my life whilst in the middle of a conversation in order to show discontent or whatever their intent is. I think this is mainly a Hollywood flaw however, leading poor actors to have to express their emotions through head movements because the ability to frown or move their facial muscles escapes them. If you’ve ever witnessed great acting, one look into someone’s eyes has the potential to break your heart. However as Emily gazes into the sunset or the sea in what she probably assumes to be a longing or sad way, all I see is, “I wonder if I can sneak a burger past my agent”, or, “I really desperately need a wee and the ocean noises are not helping”.
There is no depth to their acting, and even though I understand that all teenagers care about is how bulging the male actors’ biceps are, this is not 90210 and I want to see a lot of angst and vengefulness. Admittedly, they do have the steely glare locked down, though it could also be very easily attributed to myopia or constipation. All in all, the best bit of acting in Season 3 Episode 1 had to come from the momentary glory of the horse, and all he had to do was a bit of gentle galloping; no wonder international critics now issue out awards to canines at Cannes as it seems that sometimes the best acting does come from our animal counterparts.
