18.52: My favourite tweet of the crisis (and I am using that term in the loosest possible sense) so far is this beauty from Thames Valley Police.

Who in the Thames Valley Police PR department thought this was an opportune moment for a photo op? And are they looking at an Ordnance Survey map? Do they even still make them?! The Thames Valley Police offices look like an extraordinarily gloomy place, where the blinds are rolled down entirely even though there is clearly daylight outside. But perhaps that makes it easier for them to all lean in and squint at the OS map, rather than, say, using their iPhones.

18.46: If continued speculation that we are witnessing the end of days is getting you down, you might want to look away now.

Virgin Trains have released an extraordinarily defeatist tweet. The use of the word ‘abandon’ evokes images of Dante’s Inferno. Does Richard Branson know something we don’t?

15.15: Here are a selection of Oxford-based tweets that I have found by scouring the internet because no one is using my hashtag yet. Yet.

If you’d like a more diverse range of tweets and tweeters, the start using the hashtag #CherwellMiserableFeb

15.01: According to the ever reliable 106 Jack FM, Eric Pickles was in Oxford yesterday, inspecting the flood water. Feel free to insert a cheap gag about water level rises here.

We interviewed Pickles last term and he went down like a pork pie in a synagogue.

14.25: Talking of Instagram, here’s a photo I took the other day of the botanical gardens. Ansel Adams eat your heart out.

14.23: In case you’ve forgotten the recent history of our community, Oxford was ‘rocked’ by a ‘Great Storm’ last term. The reason for the inverted commas is because the ‘Great Storm’ turned out to be little more than hot air. My hot air, mainly.

But with the Isis at bursting point, morale at rock bottom, and Instagram in a frenzy of photos of Christ Church meadows, #cherwellmiserablefeb has all the makings of a storm for all seasons.

13.58: People at Catz, Hilda’s and Anne’s can rejoice at the sight of devastation to Christ Church and Magdalen. That’ll teach people to attend attractive colleges.


13.43: Before we get things going, please send us lots of tweets to @Cherwell_Online or use the hashtag #cherwellmiserablefeb and we’ll publish your thoughts here. Prizes for the best pictures and/or most provocative opinions.


‘I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship.’

So said Louisa May Alcott hundreds of years ago. Really feels like an asshole thing to say right now.