Last weekend brought the rebirth of Jesus. Now comes the rebirth of Sheezus. Lily Allen’s new LP comes after a five year hiatus, an onslaught of promotion and one of the most entertaining videos of 2013. However, those who giggled at the singer’s reveal of a “baggy pussy” and ironic echo of Kanye West will not get the clever satirical shit storm that was promised. Instead, Allen has made quite pos- sibly the most mind numbingly boring record of the year.
Bubblegum pop, autotune and lyrics so uninspired they’re comical; it’s all there on Sheezus. “Bring some fags and bring some Rizlas, we’re gonna party like it’s nobody’s business,” sings Allen on ‘Our Time’, an anthem to careless partying and being young. The kind of thing a 12 year old would post on Facebook accompanied by the text “lUv u GUUYss <3”. ‘URL Badman’ shows some lyrical merit, and the ‘Somewhere Only We Know’ cover that closes the record is the musical highlight; but of course, she nicked it from Keane. From the country backing on ‘As Long As I Got You’ to the bedroom beats of ‘Close Your Eyes’, this record is so exceedingly unoriginal it’s like she’s trying (and failing) to be meta ironic. She’ll probably go write a “F**K DA H8RS” song because of this review. An honour, I’m sure.