You’ve made it – the days are getting longer, and being free from exams is so close you can almost touch it, so what better way to unwind over your long and productive summer than go on the world’s least hygienic camping trip? That’s right, it’s festival season. So here I am, trying to help you out on choosing the best way to waste around £200 of your student loan.

We’ll start with Reading (28th – 30th August), where you probably lost your festival virginity (and quite possibly your actual virginity too). There’s some decent bands floating about for you to scream along to pretending you’re not far too old to be there. Then again, a lot of the Main Stage just looks like the smaller tents from two years ago (Fidlar, Palma Violets, and Panic! At The Disco). And for those of you being dragged along by mates with a different music taste from you, you can always go see Dope D.O.D. (whoever that is) on the 1Xtra Stage.

Alternatively, you could go to Glastonbury (24th – 28th June), where you’ll still be the wrong age as this will be the first time you’ve seen The Who live. There’s some huge names – Paul Weller, Mary J. Blige, Motörhead – but the burning question is this: can you actually sit through multiple hours of Kanye West tripping off his own ego? Will he play songs or just rant at you that he didn’t win an award? If that tickles your fancy then go for it, I guess.

You could go to Secret Garden Party (23rd – 26th July) and gurn your nut off to bands you’ve never heard of but pretend you love. Or you could not. Your call.

Equally, you could go to Bestival (10th – 13th September) and gurn your nut off to bands you have actually heard of. Again, your call (go for it, your 15 year old self would never forgive you for passing up the chance to see the man himself – Skrillex).

T in the Park (10th -12th July) seem to have just taken acts who are playing everywhere else (The Libertines, The Prodigy, The Wombats, Annie Mac; the list really does go on). So, it’s probably a pretty good call. Then again, you won’t be able to brag to your mates about the really cool act you saw that they’re really jealous of. And actually, that’s the only reason you’re going to a festival anyway, so it’s probably not a good call. I take that back.

The one to go for, then, is the Isle of Wight festival (11th – 14th June). It’s got a little bit of everything. Blur and Fleetwood Mac will sing songs you actually know, you can go crazy to The Prodigy and there’s even a bit of Kodaline for when you need a nap. At the end of the day though, this is all a bit academic anyway as you won’t have a good time anywhere – there’s only one day of British summer and it definitely won’t be while you’re there.