Disco Ma Non Troppo made a triumphant return to form last Friday at the Bullingdon. The Bullingdon Club is one of the oldest nightclubs in the world, with a selective membership policy. It is expected of any reveller that they break something whilst inside the club. The party goers were running around the dancefloor and ripping the lights from their fittings.

Not to be outdone, I pole-vaulted onto the decks, seized the vinyl collection from the DJs and began biting each record to pieces, punctuating each mouthful of wax with a jubilant shout of “woi!” It is this sort of behaviour that has established the Bullingdon as Oxford’s coolest venue, although the orgy of destruction is restricted to the main room only. The toilets are out of bounds, and are kept as a quiet study area. The bouncers are often required to evict people from the cubicles for talking too loudly; although, they can be bribed.

Turning away from the orgiastic violence which has become a tradition at Oxford’s disco events, any attendee would have been impressed by the outfits which were sported on the night. My good friend, Robert Dust, wowed the women of Oxford with his trousers, which were made of ketamine. I decided to keep to the spirit of dance music and attended dressed as the Aztec goddess of lust, a role I performed diligently.

The music at Disco Ma Non Troppo was just as suitable, and as we all know, music is only worth listening to if it is loud enough to dissolve your bones. We were not disappointed last Friday as we were shoveled out of the venue at three in the morning and disposed of in plastic bags.