We live in a world where a recent death row inmate demanded he be served a “fattened live cat” for his last meal, forcing the Colorado State Penitentiary to become the first to deny a prisoner their final supper of choice.
Once upon a time, this kind of wacky story was light relief amongst the dryer political fare. How lucky we are that cat eating felons are now on the more predictable, tedious end of the news spectrum.
Government shutdown slackening staff numbers at the White House? Fret not. A Big Mac buffet it is. Of course, the nuggets and sachets of sauces must be served on silver platters and flanked by robust candelabras, lest we lose the touch of grandeur for the fast food feast.
Brexit not going as well as one would hope? Never fear, Chris Grayling is here and he’s brought a bunch of plucky rookies to run our glorious cross-Channel ferry service. Don’t worry about their lack of experience, they’ll pick up how to float the boats as they go along!
But happily, the weird and wonderful is not just a matter for international politics. Closer to home, a runaway rhea (a small emu, apparently. No, me neither) is running amok in the vicinity.
The bird was first spotted somewhere called Peppard Common, which Google Maps assures me is relatively close and, much to do chagrin of law enforcement, he is still at large. Chris is his name and circumvention is his game.
The juicier news tidbits often seem to come from America, a surprise to no one. For those who failed miserably in their attempt at dry January, a woman in the US was recently banned from Walmart after she went on a wild joyride around their car park on a mobility scooter, all while slugging back wine from a Pringles canister.
This went on for two and a half hours. No, really. Two and a half hours. That is 150 glorious minutes. Think about that. If you, like myself, are a finalist and feel on the verge of cracking in a similarly dramatic and amusing manner, never fear.
Whenever it all becomes too much, and you too feel like eating a well-fed cat in dismay, don’t worry about light entertainment or stand up comedy.
Turn on the news, open up the paper and prepare to enjoy the strangest show of all – the real world.
