Scientists from the Oxford Robotics Laboratories reported, Tuesday, that a recent set of classified tests have confirmed that the Radcliffe Camera, long thought to be little more than a circular library, is, in fact, a Transformer. The Camera is, according to the report, a cybernetic alien being from the planet Cybertron, and is not, as previously assumed, a building designed by Oxford alum John Radcliffe, M.D.
“We are certainly surprised,” said one of the lead scientists on the team that made the discovery. “You see the Rad Cam is not an architectural marvel made by the hands of man but is actually a robotic being by the name of Domutron the Unforgiven who descended to earth in the sixteenth century in search of the All Spark.”
Information about the location All Spark, a godlike cube-shaped item that can be used to create cybernetic life, was supposedly kept chained up somewhere in the Bodleian Libraries, and it seems Domutron transformed himself into a library as a means of blending into the environment as he searched for clues. “Domutron has not transformed into his robotic humanoid form since he first came to this region of England,” said a military liaison with the experimental team, “so we assume that he is in a kind of hibernation.”
We regret to report that Domutron the Unforgiven, formerly known as “Radcliffe Camera,” is a Decepticon, the evil faction of Transformer intent on destroying humanity and establishing a fascist military dictatorship on their home planet of Cybertron under the cruel leadership of Megatron. Luckily, scientists added that it appears that the All Souls College Library is, in fact, a dormant Autobot who will transform into a warrior to protect humanity from Domutron should he awake from his cyber-slumber.
Students studying or checking out books from the Rad Cam are warned that, at any moment, the library could transform into a massive robot soldier. According to anatomical scans, anyone on the upper floor of the Camera would be instantly crushed as that part of the library would become the armored breastplate of Domutron the Unforgiven.
Students are also warned that scanning their Bod cards to enter the library may provide the cyber-spark required to awaken Domutron, and doing so may unintentionally invite a mortal robotic battle over the survival of Earth.