There is a lot to be said for blind positivity. On a good day, I’m a manifester, a big believer in my ability to speak things into existence. During my English A-Level, I had complete confidence that the crystals hidden in my bra would provide enough luck to snag me an A*. Today, I put great faith in words, relying on the same ‘I can do it’ that gets Olympic athletes across the finish line, to help me through difficult situations. I’m also no stranger to stationery covered in positive affirmations. Blind positivity can be harmless and even fun, but to be honest?
I’m beginning to think it doesn’t work.
It wasn’t until the beginning of Hilary that I recognised its limitations. Once again, I found myself , lying on my friend’s bedroom floor in the midst of an essay crisis, and convinced that everyone secretly disliked me. I was annoying, I looked like an ogre in a cardigan, I was 100% failing my degree, and I’d never get a job. A flat ‘you can do it!’ was the last thing I wanted to hear. Taking deep breaths or turning to rose quartz for help also didn’t inspire me. In fact, with every proposed solution, I felt myself getting closer and closer to tears. All I wanted to do was look at the disco ball hanging from my friend’s ceiling and melt into the carpet.
Without looking up from her laptop, she agreed with me. Yes, my outfit was horrible. Yes, I was destined for perpetual unemployment. Yes, she hated me. Yes, it was time for me to rusticate, preferably forever. Yes, I was really, really, ugly. Yes, I’d never finish my essay. Yes, I should start looking on Skyscanner for one-way flights to New Zealand. By the time she was finished, I was completely paralysed with laughter. There’s nothing like hearing your thoughts out of context to make you realise how ridiculous overthinking is. What she’d said reminded me of the ‘disappointing affirmations’ on Instagram: friendly reminders that ‘you still haven’t met all of the people you’re going to massively disappoint’ and to ‘have a panic attack, you deserve it’. Somehow, these uninspiring quotes in Times New Roman with idyllic backgrounds of waterfalls and clouds are reassuringly popular. They destabilise your negative thoughts – in fact, hearing them repeated back to you like this could be one of the most effective ways to stop ‘deeping it’. Frankly, this is because in the mouth of another person, or typed out on a page, your inner thoughts likely sound insane, not to mention cruel. This breaks the cycle of introspection by forcing you to talk to someone, and therefore get a bit of perspective.
This is not to say that positivity doesn’t work, and there’s certainly a bit of a fine line between poking fun at yourself and actively reinforcing your harmful narratives. But when all else fails, although getting your friends to bully you for a bit might not be as ‘wellness aesthetic’ as repeating a set of mindless platitudes in the mirror, I’m willing to bet that it’s far more effective.
