Some words in the English language, though they might have a neutral meaning in the dictionary, are instant red flags: empath, nice, devil’s advocate. “Gossip”, though, has always been firmly amongst the ranks of the irredeemable – it’s a word associated with idle talking, often about other people’s business, often without their knowledge. At its worst, it isolates people, driving friendship groups apart and creating a hopelessly toxic environment for the ones left behind. So does this condemn our partiality for spilling the tea?
Yapping is a historical instinct, it turns out. It hails back to before the 12th century, where the word “gossip” or “godsibb” later developed from its original meaning of “godparent” to describe anyone who was a close acquaintance, a confidant. As time went on, the word began to pick up an increasingly gendered undertone. In Chaucer, the Wife of Bath frequently mentions a “godsibb” of hers, a close female friend with whom she shared her grievances about everyday life. The usage sounds relatively innocuous, but already, it was beginning to pick up a disparaging connotation. In many ways, it’s hardly surprising how what started out as a relatively innocuous term has become associated with being the neighbourhood/college busybody: after all, there is, apparently, nothing more threatening than women gathering together to have a chat.
Yet gossip is a term which encompasses so much more than just bad-mouthing other people. It doesn’t always have to carry a sense of contempt. Of course, circulating rumours and delving into other people’s lives without their consent or even their presence tends to break social bonds rather than establish them, but I’d argue that gossiping – or debriefing, which I think suits my meaning much more – has an innate unifying power which, when used properly, can bring people together.
It all boils down to the exchange of information, which is increasingly what our society is built upon – a kind of social currency. When we express our opinions healthily in the company of people we trust, we understand each other better. Chatting, yapping, having a blether: however you’d like to put it, it can be a force for good. Now more than ever, it’s particularly important in friendships amongst those identifying as women. It can help us identify individuals who might pose a threat, and how their damaging behaviours often affect us. That’s right – yapping might even save lives.
On a less serious note, there’s something so freeing about a full debrief session with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Phones on silent, beverage in hand, you wile away the hours chatting about anything and everything going on in your lives, and often walk away feeling much lighter. Unlike regular small talk, there are no topics that are off-limits, opening up space to broach challenging issues and deepen your connection with that person. Debriefing is ritualistic, healing, and a much larger part of our society than we give it credit for.
