Irish graduate Andrew Croskery made the news this week after taking Queen’s University Belfast to court. The reason? He was dealt the outrageous insult of a 2:2, even though he didn’t get wasted every night, and, like, actually had to do some work that time (Probably). So, with legal history being made, this writer considers the likely consequences…
Peter Tatchell burst into the Sheldonian theatre, armed with a megaphone, and jostled his way to the foot of the stage.
“Oxford University! I call on you to end the human rights abuses!”
He was red in the face with righteous fury. Some members of the audience stood up, dropping their mortar boards. The pro-vice-chancellor shifted uncomfortably in his throne; other university officials exchanged sideways glances.
“You have presided over years of institutionalised abuse of your students’ rights. The cover-ups end here. You must be BROUGHT TO JUSTICE.”
At this, the audience, already growing restless, began to murmur; quietly at first, then with mounting volume as Tatchell continued to berate the men in ceremonial dress, who liked to talk in Latin. “Perhaps he thinks we’re Catholics,” suggested the dean of degrees as Tatchell attempted to place him under citizen’s arrest.
“In this country everyone has the right to a 2:1, yet your medieval, backwards, elitist, discriminatory university persists in degrading human dignity by awarding graduates with the out-dated 2:2.”
A student rose up at the back of the theatre. “I am not a second class citizen!”
* * *
“It says here you got a 2:1.” Said the woman behind the desk of the Job Centre.
“Yes, and I know what you’re thinking, but bear with me –”
“You are aware that most removal companies now ask for the 2.1*, minimum requirement?” She said, interrupting.
“Yes, but as I was saying, I went to Oxford; I had to write essays, go to lectures, speak in debates, row in summer eights, and fit in a social life. Not to mention organizing the college ball. And all those fancy dress costumes…”
“But you still got a 2.1? The lowest grade possibly conceivable, and which you are legally guaranteed?” The woman began to close the file which lay open before her.
“As I was trying to say, there really wasn’t that much time.” The applicant was desperate now. “Look at all my extra curricular stuff! The committees!”
“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you. Most people come here with at least a first. Even then it’s hard. The top companies are only recruiting people with first class honours starred plus.”
“But a 2:1 from Oxford is good!”
The woman gave him a sympathetic look. “That’s what they all say.”
