It’s that time of year again when you can’t move for lists of the top ten horror films, characters, villains or inanimate objects. And as that’s a cliché, here’s a few more to make you cringe:
1. Sequels
What is it about horror films that makes them so easy to continue on forever (or until the reboot, at least)? Particularly as usually at the end of the film there’s only one or two characters still living, so the sequel is less of a continuation of the original and more of a lazy way not to have to think up a new title.
2. Lights going off
You know what it’s like. Whenever you need to investigate the creepy noise or empty building, either there’s a very coincidental power cut or those temperamental light bulbs blow out.
3. Point of view shots
Yes, I know that we need to sympathise with the main character, really feel their terror, but there’s something tedious (if not secretly a little enjoyable) about getting the same POV shot every time someone enters a new, and undoubtably dangerous, room. It’s like being trapped inside an idiot’s head, because the audience knows that venturing through that suspicious door is a bad idea, but somehow the hero doesn’t.
4. Having no sense of self preservation
That dark, spooky building where the murderer probably is must be a great place to visit. Especially at night, alone and without any means of communicating with the outside world. ‘I’ll be fine, I won’t take a weapon, they’ll probably just want to chat.’
5. That prophetic old timer or small child who knows something will go wrong
How do they know what’s going to happen? Maybe they should shout ‘Spoiler alert!’ before anything else; the hapless protagonists might pay more attention then.
6. Fake-looking gore
A film becomes considerably less scary once your attention is drawn to how unrealistic that decapitated head looks. It reminds you that this isn’t real and thus, you are safe. Some films need to take a tip from Psycho: if you can’t make the stabbing look real, don’t show it at all. It’s still terrifying in your imagination.
7. Lingering shots on items or places that will come back to haunt someone
Thanks for that subtle foreshadowing, generic horror film. I had no idea that the close up of the huge knife laying precariously on the table meant that someone would get attacked later. That cryptic clue of the light being on in the old abandoned house was helpful too.
8. Disposable characters
The know-it-all who thinks they can outsmart anything. The muscular yet foolhardy guy. The screaming blonde girl. The not quite important enough friend. That one nameless character at the beginning. All these people are going to die and you know it.
9. Use of ‘the’ in the title
You can almost see how the brainstorming process went. ‘Quick, think of a noun that sounds vaguely menacing. Add a definite article. Now, think up a plot.’
10. The ability to include all these clichés and still gain an audience
Despite the fact that many horror films are pretty predictable, packed full of one dimensional characters, and tend to be entirely ridiculous, we still watch them. Maybe it’s out of hope that this one will be better, maybe it’s to laugh at or maybe it’s out of genuine enjoyment, but someone must be watching these films. Clichés become clichés for a reason.
