Saturday 11th April 2026
Blog Page 1157

A Letter To… Movie Spoilers

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There’s a new movie coming out and I’m ridiculously excited. I’ve marathoned every other part of the franchise, including that dodgy holiday special that only diehard fans know about and never, ever speak about. I could even narrate you the whole cast list from memory, complete with a short biography of every single member, right down to the extra sitting at Table Three in the café scene. The thing is, I had other commitments on opening night, so I’ve not seen the film yet. But you! You have haven’t you? And you just couldn’t resist the temptation to prove just how well you engaged with it by describing it to me in miniscule detail. You just had to waddle up to me, your fingers still sticky with cinema popcorn, wide-eyed, to tell me everything, even down to the number of sips the extra drinking the can of Coke took on Table Three in the café scene.

Partly what stings is the way you broached the subject. Full of an excitement that in any other situation would be endearing, you ask “Have you seen it yet?” Before I can answer you’re off on a tirade: “Oh my god! Isn’t it amazing? I loved the bit when…” This would be okay if you didn’t love every last moment of the movie! You did not leave a narrative stone unturned, you just throw it all out there, don’t you?

Why? What possible pleasure could you have derived from that? You enjoyed the film and I’m glad about that, I just wish you’d let me enjoy it too! Or at least, let me enjoy it the way it was intended to be enjoyed! When I watch a film I want to feel things, discover new places and tap into unfamiliar emotions. If I like a character, I want to follow them on their journey, not sit there, stony-faced and stoic, as I await the inevitable demise you clumsily explained to me. Now I’m just waiting for something to happen, dully moving through a tick-list of events, too familiar to be shocking but too unfamiliar to be nostalgic and it’s all because you “loved that bit when…”

You ruined a perfectly good experience for me, but it’s not even that, it’s the way you didn’t think about anyone but yourself. You’ve seen it, you know the facts, the twists, the turns, so why do you care? Well, know this. Someday soon I’m going to find a film, or a TV show. It’s going to be amazing. I will binge watch that show in a 3am fugue-state of Netflix, coffee and jam-and-cream biscuits. Then I’ll show it to you, and I’ll watch patiently as you get hooked, as you get as invested as I did. Then, just as you’re really getting into it, just as it’s getting good, I’ll lean back in my chair, take a sip from my coffee and casually tell you the ending. I won’t even blink. You have been warned.

Creaming Spires HT16 Week 2

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An attractive, mixed-raced guy with wispy hair and a collection of consciously ironic man-necklaces draped around his neck asked to borrow a Rizla outside of a compulsory English lecture at the exam schools. I immediately regretted the Missing Bean goat’s cheese sandwich that I was inhaling as I walked by, and tried to casually wipe the signs of cheese off my face as I handed him the rolling paper. We spent more time together and soon, I developed a little crush. Intellectual, literary, rolls his own cigs, he really was the dream. Although he did have a slightly irritating habit of saying “for example” and “thus” way too much. But I was prepared to overlook those faults.

Fast forward a week or two, and I was standing in the smoking area of Anuba quite tipsy from my four vodka cranberries during the reggae part of the night. He was standing in the corner by himself wearing a denim jacket and twirling his thick, wispy hair when he came over to say hello. We had a long chat. After realizing his similar love for French symbolist poetry and 1990s folk music, I was certain I’d found either a suitable fuck buddy or potential partner in crime. His brooding comments on Baudelaire somehow convinced me he was an untamable sex beast. After a pretty long conversation he offered to walk me home. As we staggered past Soloman’s on St. Giles, still a bit tipsy thanks to Anuba’s low prices, he asked if we could go out for a drink one night and even bought me a falafel hummus wrap. And they say chivalry is dead! By this point I knew I wanted to sleep with him. I was drunk, horny and eager to see if his knowledge of sex was as impressive as his knowledge of Baudelaire. When we got back to his room, we started to make out in front of his doorway after getting water from the kitchen. He bit my lip and pressed me against the door. I was already thoroughly impressed. When we got into his bed, everything was ready for acting except for his Princess Consuela. That’s right, it was as floppy as a sock puppet and as lethargic as me on a Friday morning after a night at Bridge. After 10 minutes of pitifully tugging at it and trying to wake it up, I realized my sex beast fantasies were crushed and I irritably went to bed and bolted the next morning. Princess Consuela was clearly a Sleeping Beauty.

Fast forward a day or two, and I decided to give him another chance. He suggested we watch a movie. Eventually, as we started making out, it looked like Princess Consuela was awake and ready for business. I congratulated myself on catching him at what was clearly the right time. About five seconds after we started having sex, a look of horror flashed onto his face. He looked me right in the eye and began to say something. “Oh shit,” he says. “What’s wrong?” I asked, assuming the limp sock puppet had come to say alone. “I came.”

It was over. That was five seconds I’ll never get back, and ‘Five second XXXX’ became his epithet, and also his name in my phone contacts. 

JD Weaver: Changing perceptions

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Jason, who also calls himself JD Weaver, describes himself as a normal 19-year-old from northern England, who happens to be fighting a particular battle. His recently released debut EP, Where Eagles Fly, is the materialisation of his efforts to reveal the underrated capacities and the ambitions of young disabled people.

Representing a man “who could be anybody” looking down at an impressive panorama reminiscent of the Grand Canyon region in America, the cover of the EP already hints at the idea of determination to claim a right to recognition expressed by the young singer’s lyrics. The song ‘Native Man’ is a further hint at how JD Weaver feels he can “relate to the mistreating of native indigenous tribes, which is sort of where [his] music comes from.” To him, music is a way of getting through to a larger audience which needs to be made aware of the struggles faced by minorities, as he expands his statement to all communities regularly confronted with discrimination.

With the popularity of X Ambassadors’ song ‘Renegades’ and the increasing emphasis on tolerance as a general state of mind, “it’s certainly not as bad as it used to be” but there is no time to waste, from Jason’s point of view. What he sees as two communities, the disabled and the able-bodied, have been separated for too long and Jason wishes to create a “bridge” with his music that will finally establish equality between these groups. “I want to open more possibilities for other young people in the same condition as myself”, he says. “This isn’t just a symbolic effort: I’d like to get more exposure in order to spread the knowledge of my cause (…) I find ignorance is the most damaging thing. Not talking about an issue doesn’t make it go, it just makes it worse. You get really frustrated.”

The problem, according to Jason, is originally straightforward. On top of people’s blurred perception of the condition of young disabled artists, studios don’t necessarily have the facilities required to welcome them. He also mentions marketing opportunities as an obstacle to his career, despite the idea that ideally this industry should only focus on sound.

The young man’s dream might be to “get a house of [his] own and live independently” to demonstrate that he is capable of controlling the important aspects of his own life just like any other person of his age, but when asked about his idea of what the next step in his campaign will be, Jason enthusiastically says “maybe an album, yeah an album would be great!”

Is Pixar Just For Children?

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Pixar was a stape part of my cinematographic experience as a child, and I imagine/hope it was for many others too. It’s only in the last few years, though, that I have contemplated how its films resonate with me nowadays perhaps more so than they did when I was younger. The films, it is clear, are able to entertain both children and adults, and they do so by striking a chord with us all on an emotional level, often with the most basic, universal lessons of life at their heart.

Watching the sheer masterpiece that is Pixar’s 2015 hit Inside Out with my parents at home last weekend, I struggled to believe that it wasn’t in fact primarily aimed at adults. Of course, it is ultimately targeted at children, and children are certainly benefiting from it and making a connection with the film, with floods of anecdotal reports of young children learning how to communicate their emotions, and becoming more willing to do so, as a result of the film. Inside Out has indeed been highly praised by clinical psychologists, and a number claim to be using it in helping patients to express themselves, which is a fantastic achievement.

For adults, we perceive further nuances of the film. We identify that the main character progression is not in fact that of the girl, Riley, but rather that of Joy, one of the five personifications of emotions inside Riley’s head. Joy understands the purposes of the characters Fear, Disgust, and Anger in life, but it takes the whole film for her to come to learn that Sadness has a place in our lives as well. Considering it now, myself having been widely labelled a carefree, ever-happy child, parents and their children are shown in Inside Out that it can be unhealthy mentally to always try to be happy, or to expect it from one’s children. Sadness should not be suppressed. Pixar really earns its long-held status as a progressive force in the film industry.

However, it is through Monsters, Inc. and the much later Monsters University, as well as the three Toy Story movies, that we clearly see Pixar aiming to take viewers on a long-term emotional journey. It is no coincidence that Toy Story 3, for example, was (finally) made around the time when the original core child target audience of the first two films would have been going to university, as Andy, the owner of the toys in the trilogy, himself is about to do. Different aspects of Toy Story 3, it seems to me, resonated with different people, and in a pattern, with parents I know admitting to crying as Andy went off to university at the end of the film, moving on and leaving his childhood toys behind for a new generation. The viewer really sees himself in the characters of their films.

The emotional depth of Pixar films ensures they don’t bore the adults who have to sit and watch them with their young children. Jokes solely targeted at adults are often rife in the film. One example: in Toy Story 2, Buzz’s wings spontaneously pop out when he stares at Jessie, impressed at her abilities, clearly representing an erection.

Naturally, we all undoubtedly have some Pixar films that we never made much of a connection with (I was astonished that Cars was quickly granted a sequel long before Finding Dory’s much-anticipated release later this year.) Yet Pixar films never fail to convey important but accessible messages to audiences. Wall·E demonstrates the importance of protecting the planet, whilst Ratatouille highlights the importance of ‘dreaming big’ and not underestimating others. These messages, in addition to the humour, high-quality animation, and years of plot and character refinement and artistic design which characterise Pixar films, make them utterly unique, often exceptional, and pioneers in the issues they address. Pixar films affect people of all ages. Long may that continue to be true. 

Review: Mystery Jets – Curve of the Earth

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★★★★☆

The Mystery Jets are a band I can proudly say I’ve grown up with: I usually played ‘Two Doors Down’ on my 1st gen iPod on the bus to school and ‘ Serotonin’ characterised the sound of a house party. The band’s homecoming gigs in the sticky suburban clubs of south-west London have always been a cause for celebration. But as time goes by and more and more bands that emerged in the early noughties fall off the radar, evolution and adaptation are more important than nostalgia and sentimentality.

Opening track and lead single from the album, ‘Telomere,’ opens with Blaine Harrison’s crescendoing falsetto vocal line (somewhat reminiscent of Thom Yorke), while uplifting chords and a slow rhythm maintain interest through the use of a range of keyboard effects, engineered to evoke the extra-terrestrial. This particular feature permeates almost all of the songs on the album, from the synth lines to distorted echoes and fade-outs; the result of four years’ recording and self-production. The balance between guitar-driven urgency and electronic aloofness is struck almost perfectly in ‘Bubblegum’ with its anthem-like synthesisedorgan hook, and in the lighter, more relaxed ‘Bombay Blue’. Acerbic, captivating lyrics sit alongside new-fangled atmospheric oddities; from the strange, wonderful weirdness of ‘Blood Red Balloon’ (“You are made of water / slowly synchronising with the moon / that rises and sea in front of you / like a blood red balloon”) to the reminiscing theremin and orchestra-backed power ballad ‘1985’ (“Saturn will return / back to 1985 / when we were just a spark / in two star-crossed lovers’ eyes”), and the distorted darkness of ‘Midnight Mirror’ (featuring lines from the 1993 Mike Leigh film Naked).

The Mystery Jets have certainly evolved, with the departure of bassist Kai Fish from the band, and singer Blaine Harrison’s decision to take a temporary solo lyric writing retreat.

Curve of the Earth has much hanging on it, and the band offers up the best of the lyric-heavy ballads of 2012’s Radlands, rocket-propelled by the synth sounds and sugar-coated choruses of 2010’s Serotonin into the stratospheric heights of new experimentation.

There is always a danger that too much reflective melancholy can allow a sense of doom and gloom to take over what should be an album heralding an ambitious and long-anticipated return.

However, Curve of The Earth will not fail to please age-old fans, and bring the best of their past into a new era.

Wall Street Revisited

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The Big Short is close to what Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street would have been with a social conscience added and an hour of running time subtracted; it even features a naked Margot Robbie in the bath and highly simplified explanations of capitalist financial markets. It’s effective because its main three elements work very well, and director Adam McKay and the cast – including Steve Carell, Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt – are responsible for two of these.

The first is, as mentioned, the high degree of stylisation that breaks the fourth wall, lightens talk about sub-primes with Jenga metaphors and generally makes everything most people hate bearable. Documenting the financial crisis of 2008 is one thing; making it fun is something else entirely.

The second, a much more significant strength, is the cast. The only real criticism that can be levelled in this area is the fact that the Wall Street setting means it is almost exclusively male. Christian Bale, whose performance as a slightly obsessive fund manager could easily have verged into a pastiche of the cinematic ‘mathematical genius’ stereotype, is instead just eccentric enough to be believable. Steve Carell, likewise playing a banker with a reason to hate the system, offers bitterness that veils a much deeper sadness, grounding the film in some social responsibility. Every time you catch yourself laughing at a landlord who registered a property in his dog’s name, or when Schmidt from New Girl pops up playing a frat-boy mortgage broker with all the morality of a… well, a mortgage broker. Carell’s performance reminds you that not everyone will be able to weather the storm as well as all those people carrying cardboard boxes out of Lehman Brothers. At one point, Ben Rickert (Brad Pitt) notes a statistic that for every one per cent unemployment rise in the USA, 40,000 people die.

I had no in-depth understanding of the financial crisis before I started watching, and by the end I had a pretty solid impression – I couldn’t quite believe it at first, and was skeptical, but my philosophy and economics and PPEist friends reassured me that The Big Short is pretty accurate. Their reassurance offers a perfect introduction to the final key factor in The Big Short’s punchy effect: its real-life setting. Setting a film in a financial crisis whose effects are still being felt today, but focusing on the few people who did well out of it and how they felt as a result, allows McKay to balance the delicate scales of entertainment and factual accuracy.

It will undoubtedly differ from person to person, but the main impression I got of the situation was that I was just glad I was only 13 in the summer of 2008, or I would have been incredibly angry; as it is, this film just left me feeling a little bit more empty and a lot more left-wing, for better or worse. Moreover, The Big Short makes one thing very clear: this will happen again. The only real question is, will those responsible get away with it?

If this film is anything to go by, the situation looks pretty dire.

Daughter rocks to fuzzy guitar serenity

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Signing records in Truck Store on a sunny Saturday afternoon, Daughter are calm and gracious. A few hours later, and just a little further down the Cowley Road, the north London indie-rock trio turn deftly sincere as they play hard-hitting songs from new second album Not To Disappear.

After debut If You Leave, Not To Disappear is not a blind step into the void. Their infamous brooding capacity of vocals intertwined with Igor Haefeli’s shredding guitar is still apparent. Rather than reinventing their sound for this new album, the group have clasped onto all that they did best, and stepped it up a level. With a smoky strobe mist on stage, they fill the sold-out O2 Academy not only with bodies, but with a certain hazy vibe.

First tracks ‘How’ and ‘Alone / With You’ resonate with the same kind of cool intensity that Daughter are famous for. Ruminating, arching electric guitar lines hum underneath Elena Tonra’s hushed vocals. A luxurious synth-led ebb and flow resounds throughout ‘Alone / With You’, and it seems that what has changed since 2013’s If You Leave is their mindset: a greater confidence in experimen tation, in the way the band pore over their instruments and set into their own groove right from the off.

Amongst this ambience – what can only be described as sheer vibey-ness – rhythms are subtle yet defined. On drums, Remi Aguilella is crucial in providing the momentum for the percussive backbeat that heads out in dialogue with the synth in ‘Numbers’, or the time changes between verse and chorus in ‘Human’, ultimately leaving the song in a lush meandering groove.

There is a charming discord between the intensity of the band’s art and their down-toearth nature. Between songs, Tonra sips out of a red tin camping flask, overwhelmed at the whoops coming from the crowd she looks out on. Suitable for the emotional and gripping nature of their sound, the room is dripping with sweat, and audience and band alike quickly begin to feel clammy. “At least I’m up here – no one can smell me”, Tonra quietly says. While I’m sure the audience would like to be even closer to her, the frontwoman’s timidity often makes it feel as though she’d prefer to be playing in a different room from other humans altogether.

Old songs provoke particular claps and squeals from the tightly-packed audience. Tonra, ever coy, shyly smiles and shrugs. Socalled “old” and “new” songs seamlessly give way for each other in this set: 2013’s ‘Amsterdam’ rings with Tonra’s whispered “I’ve been thinking I should see someone / Just to check that I’m alright”. On Not To Disappear’s lead single ‘Doing the Right Thing’, Tonra is sensitive enough to write from the perspective of her grandm o t h e r , troubled w i t h Alzheimer’s and at a loss of what to make as she slowly loses her grip on the world around her.

These lyrics may seem morbid, depressing even, but the starkness with which Tonra sings them, and the serenity to which they are lifted amongst fuzzy guitar and rippling drums, does not sink the evening into miserable territory. Instead, Tonra’s vocals fill a space, lingering over instrumental rhythms and substantiating a void – this modern industry – that is screaming out for truthful no-nonsense, no-hyperbole writing. In writing lines as honest as “Oh there has only been one time where we fucked and I felt like a bad memory” (‘No Care’) or “Sometimes I wish I’d stayed inside my mother” (‘Smother’), Tonra dispels any myth that emotional frankness has no place in pop.

Review: The Fastest Clock in the Universe

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★★★☆☆

If, like me, you know nothing of this play, do not be misled by the somewhat innocuous plot description online. The birthday party premise, coupled with a list of whimsical character names (Foxtrot Darling sounds cheery right?) formed the basis of my vague expectation for some kind of light-hearted satire. Instead I endured over 2 hours of a macabre pyscho-thriller interspersed with flashes of a twisted, fairytale-like narrative. Think Dorian Gray meetsthe longest Alfred Hitchcock ever and you’re along the right lines.

‘Endure’ is not inapposite given the sheer length and frustratingly slow pace of the first half. Whilst it painstakingly establishes the perverse dynamic between the manipulative and narcissistic title character, Cougar Glass (Jack Morris) and his benignly subservient disciple, Captain Tock (Max Reynolds) in terms of plot development the first hour is positively glacial.

Such a slow-moving storyline plus minimal use of visual and audio stimulation meant that strong characterisation was critical and luckily an impressive cast did not disappoint. Morris’s poise was excellent and overall he struck the perfect balance between the sexual charisma and pure malice that makes his depraved character so arresting. Reynolds’s performance as Captain took longer to convince me (initially the skullcap of duct tape creating the impression of baldness proved too distracting); however he quickly warmed up and his response to some of the more sinister emotional manipulation inflicted by Cougar was truly engaging.

The appearance of Cheetah Bee, the geriatric landlady oddly reminiscent of Catherine Tate’s notorious ‘Nan’ character, freshened an atmosphere which by the end of the first half was bordering on tedium. Whilst Alexandra Ackland-Snow did a laudable job and her eccentric presence onstage provided some much-needed relief, it was a struggle to develop her character into anything beyond caricature.

Thankfully some bolder directorial decisions were taken to enliven the shorter second half and the drama was at its strongest with the four main characters onstage together, participating in an increasingly unsettling birthday party ritual. Emily Smith delivered an expert performance as Foxtrot Darling, whose pathetic eagerness was pitched at just the right level to convey the teenager’s total infatuation with Cougar, and later boiled over into bitter resentment at the domineering antics of his brother’s ex-girlfriend, Sherbet Gravel (India Opzoomer). Although Opzoomer took a little longer to settle into the hardness of her character she commanded the later scenes – there was collective tensing in the audience as Sherbet cavorted around stage, palpably enraging the volatile Cougar.

Overall, the ill-judged pace of the first half was a real let-down and although the second half was more engaging in every way, for me it never quite redeemed itself. Doubtlessly this production as a whole would have benefited enormously from some ruthless script editing at an earlier stage. That said, if a drawn-out display of In-yer-face theatre particularly appeals, or if you’ve got a desire to marvel at some deeply disturbed characters, then The Fastest Clock in the Universe would certainly be worth an evening of your time.

Review: Field Music – Commontime

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★★★☆☆

Sunderland rockers Field Music have always been singular in their knack for jangling melodies, edgy rhythms and interweaving vocals. Back for Commontime, their sixth album, brothers Peter and David Brewis do not leave this behind. If anything, they push at the peripheries of the indie-rock they have made in the past, with ironic album opener ‘The Noisy Days Are Over’ announcing anything but: this noise is here and now.

After taking four years off – both members are involved in various solo and side projects – their perspectives seem to have changed. Now both fathers, they talk about familial relationships in their music. In ‘Stay Awake,’ David sings, “And I’m sorry if I’m ever short with you – I don’t mean it”. Despite this domestic familiarity, the brothers are able to create an invigorating sound.

At times hitting at a more reserved, mature version of Vampire Weekend’s tightly crafted indie-pop, the duo recorded the album in spontaneous bursts over six months in their Wearside studio. This spontaneity is certainly felt: vocals are often soulful, but sometimes clashing; harmonies are often discordant but occasionally lush and full; melodies sometimes take the form of crooning saxophone jibes but, at other times, come from tinkering piano.

It seems they do have a lot of fun up in the Northeast, after all.

Vice-chancellor questions safe spaces

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Recently appointed University Vice-Chancellor Louise Richardson has voiced her concern over the rise of ‘safe space’ ideology which has recently become increasingly prominent across UK and US universities.

Her installation speech earlier this month led her to stress that “an Oxford education is not meant to be a comfortable experience.” In an interview with The Telegraph shortly afterwards, she described her preferred approach to free speech as “quite the opposite of the tendency towards safe spaces.”

When asked how Richardson understands the term ‘safe space,’ she told Cherwell, “My understanding of the term as it has evolved in American campuses is as a space where people do not have to confront ideas they find disturbing or upsetting and that’s what I think is inconsistent with university life.”

When pressed further about what students should do when they need an escape from difficult ideas, she responded, “Isn’t that what your private life is about, that you have your friends, that you create a social group around you of people with whom you feel comfortable? Why would that need to be an institutional space?”

This follows her denouncement of new legislation, entitled Prevent, designed to curb the spread of radicalism across the UK with which the University will have to be compliant in August. 

Richardson said, “I understand the intentions of the government but I think this legislation is unwise. I’m worried that a particular group of students – Muslim students – might feel like they’re suspect and I really worry about the threat to free speech.”

In reference to OUSU’s response to Prevent, Richardson said, “I’ll be honest, I think it’s a shame that the students have decided not to engage on this. OUSU has a policy of not engaging with this… Personally, I would prefer to see us work together to express our shared reservations about the legislation.”

She continues, “Within the confines of the law I think universities are the best place to hear objectionable speech – radical speech if you like – because it can be countered openly. I think that’s what a university’s about. I think it’s an unfortunate piece of legislation; we will of course have to comply with it, and we’ll do so, but I’d much prefer we didn’t have to.”

Richardson also indicated that she thinks CAGE, which aims to “highlight and campaign against state policies developed as part of the War on Terror”, should be allowed to present on university campuses.

In a council meeting in October, OUSU publicly condemned the 2015 Counter-Terrorism and Security Act.