“Stop ringing me Richard, you’re not the dad… I don’t love you anymore, I hate you now,” says four year old Jessica. No, this is not the world’s most perverse episode of The Jeremy Kyle Show, it is in fact Channel 4’s most recent foray into the world of documentaries. The Secret Lives of Four Year Olds promises to be an interesting sociological and psychological experiment, allowing experts (charmingly referred to as simply “scientists”) in the field of child development to understand just how four year olds really interact and develop. This is, of course, Channel 4, so what you in fact get is lots of choice clips of small children saying funny things, with occasional interruptions from enthusiastic adults saying science words, but luckily the programme’s entertainment value is not effected by the boring grown-ups.

The programme charts multiple visits to the nursery, and it is admittedly a very interesting watch, as you can really see how the children develop and their relationships change. It’s odd how the personalities of the children affect you. You’d expect to feel a quasi-parental warmth towards them, metaphorically embracing each of the children as they develop, forming their own likes, dislikes, and skills through play; you’d be wrong. “I’m not listening to you!” screams Skyla, as innocent Jessica stands by, desperately trying to make friends with her. Quite why Jessica developed such an attachment to Skyla is unfathomable, but she’s young, I suppose, and the heart wants what the heart wants. Even if it is the non-sharing fake crying kid for a best friend.

Skyla is nothing, however, on Chaim, the nursery’s answer to The Kingpin. “He’s so cute and so lovely and so sweet,” says Chaim’s dad. Yes, if your idea of “cute” and “lovely” and “sweet” is a cake-stealing, toy-hogging bully. Interrupting girl-time at the water tray, Chaim causes yet another kerfuffle as he tries to snatch a measuring tube from one of his peers. “You know the bully boy, if he troubles you, just bite him,” Skyla advises his target. For all her fake crying and whining, she may have had a point.

There are, of course, beams of light in amongst the tantrums. Doe-eyed Luke, Chaim’s favourite victim, could make even the cruellest of hearts melt as he asks around to see who “will be (his) best friend”. Strong-minded Christian actually went so far as to reinvigorate my faith in humanity, acting as the last bastion of justice and goodwill in the harsh world of the playgroup, stepping in when Chaim wrestled Luke off his chair. “Please don’t do that… to my friend,” he said, with spot-on delivery and a tear-jerking dramatic pause. Hero. Absolute hero.

The input of the ‘scientists’ is at times valuable, but their characterisation of the youngest of the children, Cuba, as “Machiavellian” seems a little overboard, suggesting that his actions have some sort of superior consciousness and intellect behind them to those of his peers. He breaks rules, and he enforces them. That doesn’t mean he won’t spill his dinner all down himself and draw on the walls. At the end of the day, this is a programme about children, but that’s not to say that they’re all sweetness and rainbows. What do we learn from The Secret Lives of Four Year Olds? That some people are just born bastards.

A founding member of the Sugababes in 1998, the girl group with an ever-changing composition, Mutya Buena was the bastion amidst the shifting sands of Siobhans. But after leaving the group in 2005, Buena embarked on a short-lived solo career, releasing two albums before being dropped by her record label in 2008.

Things turned sour a year later, after Buena filed a claim for ownership of the Sugababes name with original bandmates Siobhan Donaghy and Keisha Buchanan. Unable to use the original name, however, the trio imaginatively combined their initials to form MKS, doing away with any ideas of more band member exchanges. Unfortunately, the band fell flat on their faces with single ‘Flatline’, which peaked at Number 50 in the UK charts. And what is Buena up to now? Well, having been declared bankrupt last year, perhaps she is taking a break from the limelight and from the buttock implants, for which she paid £5,000, only to have them removed later.

OUSE Hilary Term Concert, Friday 8pm, Christchurch Cathedral

As Oxford University String Ensemble’s first performance under its new conductor, this concert, set in the majestic surroundings of Christ Church Cathedral, promises to be an atmospheric evening. The programme includes pieces by Suk, Bach, Mahler, and the premiere of a work by Oxford Music student Alex Ho. 

Lou Lou’s Vintage Fair, Saturday 12-5pm, Oxford Town Hall

Lou Lou’s Vintage Fair returns to Oxford, now encompassing two halls of retro goodness. If you’re looking for vintage fashion, homeware, or a vintage beauty salon, this is the place for you. They’ve also now added a vintage hair salon, and a vintage tea room. Entertainment to be confirmed, but expect it to be… vintage. 

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The Alternotives Hilary Party, Tuesday 7-8pm, Merton Audiorium 

We’re guessing that this is a concert of some sort, but the blurb on the Facebook group made no sense, so we’re having to interpret. Even if the music isn’t your thing, they’re promising an after party at Itsu, which sounds absolutely wild. 

Mary Stuart, Tuesday-Saturday 7:30pm, Oxford Playhouse

Oxford Theatre Guild comes to the Playhouse, with this production of Schiller’s retelling of a pivotal moment in English history. The story follows Mary, Queen of Scots, as she waits for her death, and her final confrontation with Queen Elizabeth. A Twenty-First Century adaptation of a Sixteenth Century story, it questions how much has changed for women of power in a man’s world. 

Tragedy: A Metal Tribute to the Bee Gees, Wednesday 7pm, The Bullingdon

This is gonna be an eclectic one. We think we speak for everyone when we say we’ve been waiting for a heavy-metal rejigging of the Bee Gees for too long, and that’s what Tragedy (yes, their real name) provides. Plus, one of their members is called Disco Mountain Man. Enjoy! 

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Dylan Moran, Thursday 8pm, New Theatre

In his first UK stand-up tour for four years, Dylan Moran comes to the New Theatre with his show Off the Hook. Though his style might seem shambolic and rambling, don’t let that fool you; behind the facade, there’s a sophisticated comic mind that ensures there’s a joke every 30 seconds, no matter how subtle or surreal. 

Robert Fisk, Thursday 8pm, The Oxford Union

The Independent’s Middle East correspondent for more than 20 years, Robert Fisk promises to be an expert on foreign affairs. The recipient of more British and international journalism awards than any other foreign correspondent, Fisk is also one of the few journalists to have interviewed Osama Bin Laden. 

The Cabinet of Dr Caligari, Friday 6:45pm, Ultimate Picture Palace

A showing of one of the iconic masterpieces of cinema’s history, telling the story of a creepy carnival and the mysterious Cesare, a sleepwalker who can predict the future. The definitive German expressionist film, don’t miss the opportunity to see an absolute classic of the horror-gothic genre. 

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It may come as a shock to fans of Ghostpoet’s experimental self-production and sparse trip-hop beats that he’s had something of a musical makeover since his brief hiatus. Ghostpoet’s new album, Shedding Skin, whilst still holding onto his distinctly languorous baritone vocals, has stripped away the electronic production for the bare acoustic bones of a live setup, sandpapering down the bleeps and glitchy metallic sounds from his second album, Some Say I So I Say Light. I ask Ghostpoet, also known as Obaro Ejimiwe, whether this decision to record purely with his touring band is part of a conscious move away from the alternative hip hop and electronic mash up that launched his career, and with which he quickly became identified in the industry. “I guess I’ve been flirting with the idea of this kind of live setup with the last two records, and it just sort of seemed like the right time to do it,” he tells me. “Before, I was using my crappy iMac to produce, but I never saw myself as a hip hop artist. And now the band’s grown and I’ve really enjoyed experimenting with that.”

On the first track from his new album, Off Peak Dreams, Ghostpoet waxes lyrical about the trials and tribulations of the low-paid wage worker, whilst the video for the single was filmed on a budget equivalent to the average UK monthly wage. His knack for turning sharp observations of daily minutia into intelligent lyricism has not been lost, only gaining a more political edge compared with previous songs. “I didn’t really think I was being political until doing these interviews,” he laughs. “I don’t see myself as a preacher or a spokesperson for any particular group. I just like to write about things of the moment, and on that particular track, I guess it was social issues and the issue of high unemployment. These are things that everyone sees going on and the nine-to-five kind of cycle is what everyone goes through.”

Ghostpoet’s modest nature towards his success reflects his own humble beginnings, having held a nine-to-five job in insurance before releasing his first single aged 28, ‘Cash & Carry Me Home’, followed by his debut album Peanut Butter Blues and Melancholy Jam, which was shortlisted for the 2011 Mercury Prize, and gained widespread acclaim in the industry. “I’m very lucky to be making music,” he tells me. “I never envisioned doing one album, let alone three; it was just a hobby. I love listening to music first and foremost.”

But with three albums under his belt, surely Ghostpoet can see himself as a bit of a star now. “I’m not strong enough to be a star. That would require not getting drunk in public all the time,” he chuckles. Asking him what the inspiration was behind his first single, he tells me it was about “drinking a lot” and “using drink as a kind of crutch I guess”. Drink crops up a few times in our conversation. “I’m still drinking a lot, but I’m not an alcoholic or anything,” he reassures me. The drink may have lent him some Dutch courage when he first started out, which he tells me was “quite tricky at the beginning, and took a bit of time getting used to”. But no longer does he get the urge to disappear into thin air and realise his alias. “I can’t wait to go on the UK tour in April. I love touring now.”

Ghostpoet tells me that, music aside, he’s really into photography. “I think it’s good to go out and get some inspiration, but also do something aside from music, so that it’s not all I do and talk about. I think more artists could do with going out, and having an aid for their music, and just another focus really.”

For anyone concerned about Ghostpoet falling under the radar in the last couple of years, his latest album forcefully announces his return, complete with more of his gritty storytelling. I ask him what he hopes for from 2015, with the new album finished. “Well the UK tour, and hopefully some European gigs and festivals,” he says. “Dribs and drabs,” he concludes, his dulcet delivery entrancing me into a lull, before I realise my time is up and Ghostpoet disappears.

★★★☆☆

Three Stars

The Cribs have been going strong for some ten years now – no small feat for a British indie band. In contrast to some of their more highly-rated contemporaries (Bloc Party, anyone?), the brothers have exhibited remarkable consistency, arguably improving since their self-titled debut in 2004, perhaps due to their undeniable ability to come up with appealing hooks and riffs.

Their last record, In the Belly of the Brazen Bull, coming after the departure of Johnny Marr, exhibited a slightly darker aesthetic, but things have evidently lightened up for the band in the time since. For All My Sisters, the first Cribs album in three years, does not shirk when it comes to the hooks.

In fact, it contains some of The Cribs’ catchiest and poppiest moments yet, particularly in the use of layered harmonies in the first half of the album. Ryan Jarman is not afraid to break into the falsetto range with vocals, and it works well, especially on the chorus of opener ‘Finally Free’.

The crooning, high-pitched hook in the introduction of second track ‘Different Angle’ would fit in nicely on a Peace album. Lo-fi ballad ‘Simple Story’ is also impressive, featuring Jarman’s musing, “It’s only my heart that’s bleeding,” over mostly acoustic accompaniment. The catchiness of the chorus is offset nicely by the fuzzy guitar tone and bass-heavy sound, meaning that the album, while accessible, maintains a garage rock edge, and there are some classic punchy Cribs riffs here (listen to ‘City Storms’).

The second half of the album, though, lacks some of the energy of earlier tracks, and there are definitely fewer striking moments as the record moves onward, with things becoming a little too formulaic. The Jarmans use the trick of having the vocals match the guitar riff one too many times (it appears to some degree on each of tracks nine to 11), meaning it’s hard to distinguish between the verses of a couple of these later numbers. That said, the last and longest track, ‘Pink Snow’, is very good indeed, exhibiting a well-executed transition from a stripped back verse into its frenzied chorus and a final cathartic moment, making for a fi tting end to the album.

All in all, For All My Sisters succeeds in what it tries to do – it’s definitely melodically potent and catchy, but thankfully never sugary. The album definitely tires, though – rather running out of ideas – before the excellent final track, and perhaps cutting out a few minutes would have made the record a little leaner and less repetitive. But, overall, this is a satisfying effort from The Cribs – and certainly among their most listenable.