Sunday 12th April 2026
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Review: String of Pearls

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★★★★☆

Four Stars

Imagine theatre without Aristotle. Let’s get rid of the constraints that come with time, place and action having to be consistent throughout. Let’s get rid of the convention that characters are of high social standing in tragedy or of low social standing in comedy – in fact, why even bother with having a person as the protagonist at all? And while we’re at it, let’s also scrap the rule of one actor playing one character. I don’t even need to say that male characters, let alone actors, have no place in this theatre. But hold on with your judgment for a moment.

Emily Albery’s production in the Burton Taylor in Week 4 offered some material for thought on this. String of Pearls by Michele Lowe is the story of a necklace. The metaphor in the title is therefore just as catchy as it is pervasive in a 90 minutes play. Originally a present to Beth from her husband, the necklace presents the missing piece in her granddaughter Amy’s wedding. The necklace, as we find out, has in fact made a journey all over America and even to Paris. Whoever get hold of it falls into some trouble and passes it on – sometimes unwillingly and often unknowingly – to another woman, who is to continue the story.

The necklace is the only bit of continuity, a lifeline both for the plot and for the audience. Superficially unrelated monologues are connected only by the reoccurrence of the necklace in another owner’s hands. But ‘owning’ is already a difficult word here, because for the audience the necklace really takes on a life of its own. With a constant deliberate mystery around the women interacting with it, the necklace becomes the lifeline for the audience’s attention. We empathise with it when the pearls are scattered over a hotel room, or when the necklace is cast in the Hudson River. We even feel a bit of catharsis when it is finally united with Beth.

With the necklace’s dominance also comes a new view on the other characters. The small but very good cast of Helene Bonnici, Emma Buchy-Dury, Alice Moore and Alex Worrell handled a total of 27 characters between them. Under the directing of Caitlin Jauncey, they played nicely with the cold and sometimes even disturbing distance that the exclusive use of monologues – occasionally two happening at the same time – created between the women. Scarcity in props and the absence of a background setting was matched by predominantly plain black costumes.

Of course, all this was necessitated by the immense speed with which the events moved from one place and time to the next. One actress immersing herself and the audience into one character and her story, as the other actresses are sitting on stage, arranging hair and props for the next scene, made the theatrical point of the production clearly: We, the audience, are doing the job of putting it all together. We, the audience, have to connect the scenes as if we are connecting pearls, one at a time, all seemingly the same and hopefully coming together at the end. In giving us these individual pearls, Lowe’s style, albeit dominated by narrative, is refreshingly colloquial but not forced. While she largely abstains from derogatory terms or obscenities these achieve some great effects and laughs when comedy is intended.

Constantly switching between the women’s mundane and quite archetypal lives and the deeper connection of the necklace between them, the viewer is occasionally taken aback by a wonderful little scene. But only rarely did the play escape its own bigger picture to create genuine drama within a particular monologue itself, often with the aid of very sensitively chosen music. The highlight in this must be the final story of Kyle, a woman looking after her mother, who is suffering form Alzheimer. The mother’s failure to recognize Kyle as her daughter, rather than the carer, provided for a powerful inter-character relation that was mimetic of the whole play, because the recognition is eventually achieved. Just as it took a long time for the mother to put the events together in her head, the audience’s search for how ‘it all hangs together’ comes to an end as Kyle sells the necklace to Beth’s new lover to be come a present for her once again.

Although it may not have answered it conclusively and in its favour, this production has put to us the question whether a play really needs the strong dynamics individual characters can develop over an evening, or the strong grip of a unified action, which the viewer can’t escape. Whatever our judgment on modern minimalist theatre and no matter how highly we honour our Aristotle, we have to see that it’s not impossible to make a play hang together without the glue of convention. 

Degrees of Stupidity

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Oxford has always provided a home for cunning linguists, and not just within the columns of Creaming Spires. In the past, they brought a welcome hint of the exotic to student life, with their carelessly dropped foreign phrases (“Some vodka? Just a soupçon”, “Your shoes are so zeitgeist”, “Pulling an all-nighter – big essay due mañana” etc.). They had picked up some cool tat and a snappy hair cut from their time on whatever language exchange they had been sent on, and could be seen ostentatiously posing with foreign language newspapers (many of them held the right way up) in cafés all over Oxford.

But the days when the Continent was isolated by fog on the Channel are long gone. Let’s face facts. The world is full of people who speak foreign languages better than language students, and as Herr and Frau Farage remind us, so is the UK. If you want to hang out with students with exotic accents, and funny-sounding phrases, just ask the French PPE student, Mexican physicist or German classicist who is out-performing you in tutorials to drop their flawless English for 5 minutes, and give you a burst of their native tongue. They will smoke their Gauloise or Fiesta with infinitely more aplomb than their ersatz UK equivalents (see how catching that phrase dropping can be) and their complaints about the food, plumbing and British teeth ring with authenticity.

There would be other considerable benefits from getting rid of language degrees. Prominent among them is losing the interminable boasting about what they are going to do on their year abroad, just as the rest of us are rapidly going pale at the looming awfulness of finals and the futile search for a job. We don’t care that they are spending six months yak farming in the Urals, or have secured a secondment to command the Uruguayan navy. It would also spare us the bathetic fall which inevitably follows that bombast when they return after a year away to discover that all their friendship group has moved on, and they find themselves desperately trying to ingratiate themselves with the other zombie-undergraduates such as Chemists and Classicist they would not have been seen dead with 12 months before. So it is au revoir to linguists?

No linguists. It’s goodbye.

PC Music: why the hype?

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“Last week, PC Music launched their fake social media outlet Pop Cube.” If that sentence means nothing to you then congratulations, you probably go to Merton. Let me fill you in. PC Music is a much-hyped music label that rose from tumblr fanboy dungeons to the dazzling heights of The Guardian Film and Music supplement over the course of 2014. Their music, if you haven’t heard it, sounds like 90s pop that’s been genetically fused with a heart emoji. Some people say it’s great. Some people say it’s shit. But everyone’s saying something.

The rise of PC Music was unstoppable. High-concept acts like GFOTY (which stands for Girl- friend Of The Year) and QT caught the attention of journalists early on. Interviews were few and far between, but when they came they revealed bizarre figures that spoke more like teenagers’ text messages than humans.

When the Guardian interviewed GFOTY she was in bed next to a naked man. QT’s first single was framed as the promotion for a fictional fizzy drink. I don’t know if there’s a Guinness world record for ‘highest think piece
to music ratio’, but PC Music are absolutely smashing it if there is.

A vast proportion of the increasingly voluminous discourse surrounding PC Music portrays its over-sugared sonic and lyrical content as some kind of a critique, predominantly of this world where exploitative brands want to be your friend, and Buzzfeed interns want to manipulate your emotions for clicks.

This line of thought runs something along the lines, ‘PC Music is the only relevant musical reaction to the alienated subject in late capitalism,’ and it’s currently being espoused from behind a roll-up and a douche snapback all over the country. If you ever hear it be on your guard: once you hear the word ‘accelerationist’ it is your stern duty to take off your shirt and fight them. However, the idea that PC Music is in some way a criticism of hyper-branded personhood is tempting. “Look,” said PC Music, “we’re launching a social media like we all use, us young people.”

“It doesn’t exist,” they say, “but you can come to our exclusive party and watch us perform from behind a glass wall.” That’s not a metaphor, by the way. They actually performed from behind a glass wall. “Read into it,” they whisper leaning in, “whatever you will.” Equally tempting is the larger idea behind all of this – behind the fake soft drinks, the strange puppet-personas, the non-existent business – which is simply that PC Music is in some way the future. They are unquestionably the most hyped act in music right now. In fact, the bubble of hype surrounding the label is so large, you might begin to worry that if it burst there would be a depression. And what would we do then? Simply wander around in a dustbowl populated only by Sam Smith, Marcus Mumford and Tupac’s hologram, which flickers fainter, ever fainter…

Well, no. I like PC Music (well, I like some of it – I’m looking at you GFOTY). However, these two ideas both seem false to me. Last week they launched Popcube, a fictional multimedia company. “Best thing ever to happen, happens in New York!” said some people. “UK label formed by ex-private school kids throws party in New York with corporate money,” said no one. This is because behind PC music, in the form of Red Bull sponsorship, there is big, scary money.

At which point I ask of PC Music’s roll-up smoking philoso-fans, if they are now in a strict sense branded content, are they in any position to be commenting on the place of branded content? Does doing the shitty thing that you attempt to criticise actually amount to a critique of the shitty thing?

And as for the hype-tsunami? Well, the sad truth is that even with Red Bull’s backing, PC Music is a minnow compared to corporate giants like Sony. Their in-house producers will mimic the label’s trademark sound, and eventually, pop will eat PC Music, and students all over Oxford will listen to the results at bops, blissfully unaware.

Top 5 songs to mourn/celebrate the election result

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1. ‘I’m Blue’ – Eiffel 65

“Yo listen up, here’s a story about a little guy who lives in a blue world.” Perhaps that explains their policies.

2. ‘Red’ – Taylor Swift

However sad you are about the sudden death of the Milifandom, I’m sure Ed is sadder.

3. ‘Yellow Submarine’ – The Beatles

Pretty sure Clegg would like to get into a submarine right now.

4. ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’ – Green Day

I don’t think this really needs explaining.

5. ‘Scotland’ – The Lumineers

Bad luck with the referendum #sorrynot- sorry. 

Review: Hop Along – Painted Shut

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★★★★★

Five Stars

Hop Along is a remarkable find. Described as many things, varying from grunge folk to punk rock, they are unlikely to be a band you’ve heard of before. However, this Philadelphian group is driven by an entrancing energy, and their latest album, Painted Shut, is no exception. Lead singer Frances Quinlan has a powerful, rock voice, and this dominates the majority of their tracks. Their style is vaguely recognisable as punk, but taken in a different, whimsical direction.

Each song is an example of refreshingly well-done storytelling, which deflects the attention away from the singer and turns the perspective onto the subject of her tale. For the severity of the themes, which include abuse, poverty and greed, the songs are not desolate, but strangely jubilant. Quinlan’s captivating voice, which can switch between soft and raw in seconds, can lead you through a story of despair, like in ‘Well-dressed’, but leave you with a feeling of hope.

The tracks are full of intriguing but fleeting characters, spread across an unequal land- scape, where “there is nothing more danger- ous than a defeated army heading home”. It is no by means easy listening, demanding your full attention with its intricate stories and cogent emotions. However, if you’re looking for a female vocalist with the intrigue of Courtney Barnett, then Hop Along is an exhilarating choice. 

Review: Tallest Man on Earth – Dark Bird is Home

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★★★★☆

Four stars

Tallest Man On Earth, also known as Kristian Matsoon, is the most earnest and Swedish man in the world. His new album Dark Bird is Home is a reflection of his difficult personal life over the last year, during which he lost a close friend. The album, written during his travels after his album release in 2012, is introspective, but also larger in scale than his previous work, which relied on lyrical tropes for its material.

In the title song, he sings, “There are many ways of sorrow,” and this is certainly an album concerned with sorrow, recuperation and redemption in a way that is reminiscent of the music of Fiorella, maybe even Bon Iver. However, it is also an album about connecting with people, and this is reflected musically. It is the first of his albums to employ instrumentation from other people. Until now, he has simply employed an acoustic guitar and his soulful voice, but don’t worry, the new album is no less direct and moving.

The ‘Dark Bird’ of Tallest Man On Earth has finally spread his wings, and flown gloriously away. This new album will ensure success with old fans, as well as a number of new fans too, and is an excellent addition to the discography of this particularly Swedish, particularly earnest man. 

Presidential hopes punctured

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Candidate for the Merton JCR presidency has been released from hospital after accidentally impaling himself on a spike in the College gardens during a challenge issued by the current Vice-President during his hustings.

The two candidates competing for the post, William Tilston and Ben Holden, were blindfolded and asked to race a distance of approximately 150m through the Fellows’ Garden. The challenge was issued on the grounds that the President should know the college “like the back of their hand”.

Holden became impaled on a metal spike approximately five inches long, which was jutting out horizontally from a low wall. He told Cherwell, “It [the spike] had punctured my leg about an inch above the kneecap and gone in quite deep. The porter later told me he only realised I had impaled myself when he noticed some of my flesh… still on the bolt.”

Holden was subsequently rushed to the A&E unit at the John Radcliffe Hospital. X-rays revealed that the bolt had gone an inch and a half into his femur, dislodging a section of bone. He underwent surgery on Thursday to apply around 40 stitches so as to reduce the risk of infection.

Holden praised the College’s response to the accident, reporting how the porter on duty at the time administered first aid, and oversaw his transfer to the John Radcliffe. Additionally, the Welfare Dean and the student Welfare Reps took clothes from Merton to the hospital. On returning to College, Holden was given a ground floor room.

Holden sees the accident as being blameless, commenting, “It’s one of those things that sounds fairly perilous in retrospect considering the accident but 99 times out of 100 would have been completely fine and good fun. The blame lies with my idiocy in trying to run in a blind- fold and with sheer bad luck.”

William Tilston, the other candidate running for presidency, added, “To be honest, I felt little apprehension about the task, apart from making a conscious thought to be very careful on the few stairs there were and in general not to go too quickly. I had no qualms about the challenge then and none now. It was highly unlucky and I’m pretty sure it won’t be done again, but for things to end as they did was completely unforeseeable. I don’t think anyone was to blame, and that is the consensus around College.” 

Ruskin cuts anger students

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Last Friday Ruskin College students held an occupation following its Governing Executive’s curriculum review in which it decided to discontinue a large proportion of its humanities department without adequately consulting them.

The Curriculum Review concluded earlier this year to reduce BA History and BA English Studies to single-year Certificates of Higher Education, after reducing its staff budget because of the “inadequate” financial situation of its main funding body, the Skills Funding Agency.

Last October, it was decided that a report by a group of students would contribute to the decisions of the curriculum review.

Students of the College were invited to meet three governors prior to the meetings with the Academic Quality and Standards Committee and the Governing Executive on Friday in order to discuss the concerns of the students.

However Matt Bevington, a student at Ruskin, told Cherwell, “We felt that it was just a box-ticking exercise and that we weren’t listened to earnestly. Therefore, we decided to enter the meeting and silently observe. We entered the meeting and were told by three different people that we were not permitted to be there and had to leave. We refused. The meeting was then moved to a different room but we were unable to gain access before security was placed on the door to keep us out. We continued our protest outside – we banged on the door and windows, put up posters, stood in front of the window. The Curriculum Review was passed without contest.”

A spokesperson for Ruskin College said, “The College went through a comprehensive curriculum review process from September. In this process we consulted with stakeholders through our committee structure, working groups and focus groups. This is a review of our curriculum for 2015/2016 to ensure that our programmes meet the on-going needs of prospective students.” 

Port and Policy conduct angers Somerville finalists

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Loud singing after the weekly OUCA event Port and Policy has sparked two incidents in the aftermath of the General Election.

Somerville English finalists have expressed frustration over noise levels at this week’s Port and Policy after being assured that steps would be taken to keep the noise down. The previous week, a first year Port and Policy attendee was allegedly attacked after the event following a political dispute and provocative singing.

An English finalist from Somerville, who began final exams on Monday, emailed the OUCA President last week to express concerns about noise levels in advance of Port and Policy, which takes place in St Giles’ Church, across the road from his accommodation.

The President of OUCA, Maryam Ahmed, acknowledged the importance of sleep ahead of exams and promised to propose to OUCA Council that there be limits on alcohol, an outright ban on singing at the end of the meeting, limits on attendance and an announcement at the start of each event stating that shouts of ‘Shame’ disturb other students. She also said that she would propose that anyone seen exhibiting rowdy behaviour would be sanctioned by the association.

According to the students, however, noise levels this week were comparable to previous weeks.

One English finalist at Somerville, who wished to remain anonymous, told Cherwell, “At 11 o’clock last Sunday I was asleep before my first final  examination at 9.30am the next morning.

“I was awoken by a loud group singing pa- triotic songs and kept up until 11.30. It was unnecessary and added extra stress before my finals. My housemate was also woken up who also had finals at 9:30am.”

Cherwell understands that none of the proposed measures were enacted.

OUCA President Maryam Ahmed declined to comment on this issue.

This is not the first time this term that singing after Port and Policy has been contentious. According to first year student Shane Finn, he was attacked after 3rd week Port and Policy.

He claims to have been approached by two people singing ‘The Red Flag’, a traditional socialist song and the unofficial anthem of the Labour Party, just before 1am.

OUCA members, he claims, responded by singing ‘I Vow to Thee My Country’. Finn claims that he was then seized by the throat and when the attacker was pulled away, he called Finn a “traitor” to his country for being an Irish Conservative. Finn has since brought a complaint to the police.

The wake of the General Election has seen an increase in political tensions in Oxford. A number of Conservative voters have complained about the treatment they have received, especially over social media.

Some members of the Oxford Left have defended their stance, however.

NUS Disabled Students’ National Executive Committee representative James Elliott told Cherwell, “There’s a reason some Tories are shy, and that’s because voting for a government who have explicitly committed to cut benefits for disabled people isn’t something to shout about.

“I think it’s good that left-wingers in Oxford engage and debate the reactionary views of some right-wing students, who don’t make the connection that their politics has an impact on the lives of those less fortunate”. 

University pledges partial fossil fuel divestment

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Oxford students and environmental campaigners have welcomed the University’s commitment this week to rule out any future direct investments in coal and tar sands.

In a decision on Monday by Council, the University’s executive governing body, it was revealed for the first time that Oxford currently has no direct investments in coal and tar sands, and has pledged to maintain this position in any future investment decisions.

Bill McKibben, founder of the climate campaign website 350.org, commented, “Oxford may be the greatest university on our planet, and if anyone thought its great age might keep it from shaping the future, this decision should prove them wrong. Today it has offered great leadership on the crisis of our time.”

The decision follows years of campaigning on the issue by Oxford students, academics and campaigners, with OUSU creating an official divestment campaign in Trinity Term 2013. In March of this year, a group of Oxford alumni occupied the University’s Clarendon Building in protest at Council’s decision to defer its divestment statement until this week. 41 college common rooms, representing both graduate and undergraduate students, have passed motions supporting the divestment campaign, whilst students and academics have signed open letters calling for divestment.

However, the victory for the divestment movement was only partial, as the University failed to divest from fossil fuels completely. Currently, around three per cent of Oxford’s £1.7 billion Endowment Fund is invested in the energy sector, with more than half of that proportion invested in energy exploration and extraction industries.

Andrew Taylor, a campaign manager at People & Planet, added, “If you live in the shadow of tar sand extraction and your baby [has] been air lifted to hospital after drinking the water after a spill, it doesn’t matter if under ten per cent of the culprit’s production comes from tar sands.”

The University of Oxford has also promised to incorporate for the first time a full breakdown of its sector exposure in its annual investment report, the latest of which is due to be released next month.

Critics point out that this does not go far enough as it will not disclose the specific companies Oxford invests in. In protest at Oxford’s decision not to opt for total divestment, 70 alumni plan to hand back their degrees this Saturday.

One such alumnus, Sunniva Taylor, commented, “With the decision today the University has taken a step forward, but not a big enough one. I, with others, have decided to hand back my degree, in protest.”

Vice-Chancellor Andrew Hamilton told The Guardian, “We see the main purpose of our investment fund as generating the financial resources to support our academic purpose. However, our investment managers take a long-term view and take into account global risks, including climate change, when considering what investments to make. The University believes that approach to be the right one and today’s decision reinforces it by encouraging greater engagement and reporting on this crucial issue to the environment and all of society.”

OUSU President Louis Trup welcomed the University’s decision, telling Cherwell, “I’m delighted that the University has taken a step in the right direction by pledging not to invest in coal or tar sands in the future. In the meeting, it was clear that the students who have been campaigning for this through OUSU’s Environment and Ethics campaign have changed the minds of some major critics. The work the campaign has done alongside Dan Tomlinson and Ruth Meredith [OUSU’s previous and current VPs for Charities and Community] over the past two years should be applauded.

“However, this is only the first step. Now that the University has committed to some form of ethical investment, it must continue to take further steps to ensure that its wider investments are not funding devastating environmental disasters. But all in all, today is a good day.”