Friday 17th April 2026
Blog Page 1455

39% of Oxford students have had unprotected sex

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Only 61% of Oxford students always ensure that they or their partners wear protection during sex, C+ has found. However, the survey suggests that only one in twenty Oxford students have contracted an STI, lower than the national average of around one in four.

Charlotte Hendy, OUSU VP Welfare and Equal Oportunities, commented, “OUSU works closely with the local GUM clinic, enabling them to provide Common Rooms with chlamydia tests, and incentives. The ‘pee for a pint’ initiative, for example, was hugely successful across Oxford.

“Unfortunately, NHS cuts mean that incentives are no longer provided, but Common Rooms may still request chlamydia tests and run their own sexual health drives. OUSU is continuing to work closely with the GUM clinic, and in particular to establish regular city centre HIV testing, following its successful HIV and sexual health events last term.”

Free screening remains available to everyone aged 16-24 in Oxfordshire. Welfare officers can contact the Chlamydia Screening Office at the Churchill Hospital to organise in-college screening for free. The Churchill has also organised a pilot condom distribution scheme in three colleges, which is now available in all colleges at the request of welfare officers.

Chlamydia was the single most common STI contracted by students on a national scale last year, with herpes a distant second. Symptoms for the STI include pain in the testes and penis for men, and bleeding during sex and heavier than usual periods for women.

Chlamydia was the most common STI among students, with 7 students (1.39%) admitting to the disease. The most common response was a trip to the Genitourinary Medicine (GUM) Clinic in the Churchill Hospital. Gonorrhoea also made an appearance, with three students (0.59%) having had the illness. One student described how he’d had the STI cured: “I went to doctors, they put a stick up my penis and it was really painful. Then they gave me antibiotics and I was cured.”

Questions about STIs or contraception? Contact [email protected] or the local GUM clinic on 01865 231231.

Oxford students have no time for employment

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A survey conducted by Cherwell has shown that the proportion of students that undertake paid work during term time is significantly lower than the national average. A report conducted by the NUS and Endsleigh Insurance showed that 57% students nationwide have a part-time job alongside their studies, with 90% of these students working as many as 20 hours a week.

Comparatively, only 20% of Oxford students surveyed worked during term time and the majority of those completed less than five hours paid work per week on average. Most colleges forbid students from completing paid work outside of the college; however those colleges that have opportunities for paid employment rarely offer more than ten jobs to the whole student body which can consist of 400 people, making competition for work fierce.

The proportion of Oxford students who work during the vacation, however, is almost identical to the national average at 56%. Many of those surveyed said that working in the vacations had a negative impact upon their academic performance. An anonymous Exeter student said, “I do English so doing the primary reading in the holidays is pretty key to managing the essays during term. Having to work often means I don’t get this all done as at the end of a 9-5 day I’m pretty knackered and can’t concentrate properly.”

A student at Keble also commented, “College don’t make it clear enough what kind of financial support is available for those who need it, meaning that many of us choose to work excessively during the vacations, compromising our academic success.”

Official estimations from Oxford University put the cost of living in Oxford for sixth months of the year (the average time undergraduates spend living in the city when accounting for vacations) at between £5,670 and £8,000. This means that students who are not eligible to receive grants or loans above the minimum amount offered by student finance face a shortfall of between £2,000 and £4,350 per annum. A student working on the minimum wage for 18-21 year olds would have to work over 850 hours each year on top of their degree to fill this deficit. This would mean working full time for 22 weeks of the year, giving students one week to devote to studying in each vacation.

Lizzie Mundell Perkins, a second year English student at St. Johns, sells tickets at the University church on High Street. She told Cherwell,

“I used to work as a waitress and did one ten hour shift a week – it definitely affected my work and made me tired and stressed but I managed to find a job at the University Church. I do one or two shorter shifts but they are very flexible… Obviously it still takes up time but I need the money. My parents are unable to support me financially and the student loan only leaves me with £150 per term after accommodation.

“I am managing fine with my academic studies, however, and my I think that the stigma that the university hold against part-time work is completely misplaced. I do sport and music to a university level and still manage to study with a job as well. Working is a great way to get outside of the Oxford bubble and I am proud to support myself financially.”

 A number of students are more entrepreneurial, and choose to establish their own businesses. Jamie Ohlmeyer Parker, a third year Classicist at New college, runs a business renting out white tie to students. “I was spending maybe 10-20 hours a week on it last term but there aren’t any balls this term… I treated it as a hobby more than as work… In my view it’s actually pretty easy to earn money while at Oxford if you’re creative about it. As an Oxford undergrad you can charge a minimum of £15-20 per hour for tutoring work for almost any degree and that work might be seasonal (i.e. only before exams) but it’s well paid and if you sweat your assets in the Easter and Christmas holidays I don’t see why you would need to work during term time.”

Sophie Lucas, a second year History and Politics student at Univ said, “I want to go into policy research which means doing unpaid internships in the vacations. I’d like to be able to do more paid work but it’s hard to manage with career stuff and academic work and a lot of places want students to commit for longer periods of time than is possible.” 

Israel Society “a hardline political advocacy group”

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Oxford University Israel Society (OUIS) has come under fire for its links to NGO StandWithUs, which has been criticised in the past for its connection with the Israeli government.

OUIS has been coveted much controversy in recent weeks following the change of its constitution and the subsequent expulsion of several members amid criticism of the executive committee. This resulted in ten Israeli students, including PhD student Yishai Mishor, former president of the Jewish Society of Oxford, publishing an open letter to OUIS in the Oxford Student newspaper. In this letter, they claim the “Israel Society has been co-opted from a cultural society to a hardline political advocacy group”.

This story has continued to draw attention not only among the Oxford community, but also in Israel, where it has been reported in Haaretz, the country’s oldest newspaper.

It has now emerged that the OUIS constitution discusses their direct affiliation with StandWithUs. The constitution states, “Until amended by a future resident, the society will continue to receive funding from StandWithUs UK. Funding itself does not imply that OUIS subscribes to any political views that may be held by an external organisation or group”.

StandWithUs describes itself as “an educational organisation seeking to educate others about the daily life of Israelis, Israel’s challenges in the region and Israel’s bid to make peace with its neighbours”. StandWithUs denies that it receives funding from the Israeli government, stating, “We are a non profit organisation operating independently of government. We educate about Israel no matter who is currently voted into power”. However, its UK website has a video that opens with an endorsement from Israeli President Shimon Peres, and they also run campaigns directly “in partnership with the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs’”.

The Israel Society is also affiliated constitutionally to the Zionist Movement in the United Kingdom, which is part of the Zionist Federation. The recent Haaretz article discussing this issue states that ‘In December 2013, the Ministry of Finance [of Israel] approved engagement initiated by the Prime Minister’s Office with the Zionist Federation, for Zionist activity projects totalling an investment of seven million NIS [Israel New Shekels] for a period of two years’.

StandWithUs Israel Director Michael Dickson told Cherwell, “The Israel Society at Oxford is independent and free to work with whoever they choose. That an Israel society seeks to work together with Israeli educational organisations strikes us as distinctly uncontroversial.” However Dickson also said that SWU do “not directly” fund OUIS, contrary to what the Society dictate in their constitution.

Furthermore, OUIS state, “As part of this society’s relationship with StandWithUs UK, the society shall send representatives to the StandWithUs UK National Conference of Israel Societies or otherwise StandWithUs UK reserves the right to withdraw funding.” On their list of rules on the OUIS Facebook page they state, “We welcome members of all political or ideological persuasions, and individuals are free to use the forums of Israel society to express their own views.” Addressing this, Mishor responded, “if Israel Soc has turned into a political advocacy in the service of StandWithUs, then naturally it cannot have more than one clear voice, the voice of StandWithUs.”

Richard Black, President of OUIS, was unavailable for comment.

Jonathan Hunter, a current member of OUIS and Campus Director for StandWithUs, speaking as an SWU worker, said, “We are not an organ of the Israeli government – as some would like to believe”. He then added as an Israel Society member, “The Society requested to partner with Stand With Us – and democratically ratified this at a general meeting of its membership.

“Individuals who disagree with the majority can form their own society – they should not anti-democratically force others to conform to their world view.”

Jonathan Hunter has also been accused of making derogatory remarks against the Israeli student community in Oxford, in comments published in the Israeli newspaper Haaretz. He said, “The type of Israelis who study at Oxford come from an elite Ashkenazi, high income background. Maybe they don’t feel they have to defend Israel.”

Yishai Mishor, PhD student and former Officer in the Israeli Army, responded, “I expect the Israel Society to publish an apology and denounce Hunter’s racist remarks. I find it completely absurd that the leaders of the Israel Society in Oxford are now engaged in a full frontal attack on the Israeli community in Oxford.”

Merton’s Winter Ball made £8,000 loss

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Merton’s JCR and MCR are to cover the costs of last year’s Winter Ball, after it was announced that the event had made a loss of almost £8000.

Oli Koo, Treasurer of the Merton Winter Ball, explained to the college at a general meeting that the losses were a result of problems with the ticketing system as well as communication issues amongst the organisers of the ball.

The college also took a delivery of £6000 worth of Carlsberg beer the day after the ball, without the Treasurer’s knowledge. Incomplete budgets resulted in the Treasurer being unaware of required payments until after the ball. There were also additional problems with the ordering of champagne for guests.

Speaking to Cherwell, Coo said, “It was a great pity that the ball ran a deficit, given all the effort and time committee members contributed towards its smooth running both in the run up to the event and on the night itself.”

He added, “However, the two major factors which vitiated my attempts at accurate budgeting, highlighted in my ball report, were out of my hands”.

The GM was told that confusion over the Ball’s refund policy made accounting difficult. Additionally, it was thought at first that more tickets had been sold than actually had been. This resulted in a £4000 hole in the budget.

“I was told that we were legally obliged to refund all guests… This meant my budget was constantly fluctuating up to the day of the ball itself. An issue that was further exacerbated by the fact that we were still accepting payments on the day of the ball”, Koo explained.

He further reported, “There was a technical glitch on the website. This meant that a significant number of unpaid ticket orders that exceeded the seven day payment window did not expire and were, therefore, counted as paid.

“A secondary and related issue was that this glitch led to fewer sales than would otherwise have been possible; around week four, I had been told that we had sold out of tickets, whereas in fact there were many tickets that were available.”

Chairman of the Ball Committee Tim Foot indicated that the lack of sponsorship was another contributing factor to the deficit in the budgets. “The lack of sponsorship meant that we were operating on a lower income, and with higher costs, than should have been the case,” he said.

“Our Sponsorship Officer resigned at the start of Michaelmas term, at which point it was too late to seek further funds. We did negotiate discounts for our guests at Shepherd & Woodward and The Student White Tie Company, but this is the absolute minimum that could have been arranged, and sponsorship largely failed.”

Foot went on to point out that committee members had instead gone to great lengths to make up for the dearth of commercial backing by negotiating discounts with suppliers instead.

Other last minute and unforeseeable problems were remedied swiftly. When the company contracted to provide Dodgems for ball-goers was unable to deliver, Victorian carnival games were sought as a replacement.

It was also suggested by the ball committee that the common rooms might recuperate significant funds from the ball’s headlining act. Crystal Fighters were contracted to play for a certain amount of time, but reportedly failed to fill the agreed time slot. The JCR may pursue legal action if the band declines to pay the £5000 which the ball organisers have calculated that the JCR is owed.

“Whatever the outcome of the negotiations and potential court cases, I think it’s fairly safe to say Crystal Fighters won’t be coming back to Oxford in a hurry,” noted one second year. “But at least the money would go some way to cover the JCR’s costs though if we won”.

The JCR and MCR are currently planning to split the costs equally.

One first year historian noted that the JCR seemed to sympathise with the organisers. They added, “I think it would be a bit unfair to be too harsh on the ball organisers. The sponsorship was unfortunate and while some of the other hiccups were surely avoidable the committee had very little experience to draw upon – the previous ball organisers left them no information at all”.

Plans to provide the next ball committee with more information have been drawn up.

One undergraduate told Cherwell, “I think that Tim and co are forgiven despite everything. As long as the JCR still has enough funds to provide the free alcohol it does throughout the term, everyone will be happy.”

Bop no more for Merton?

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Merton college has threatened to reduce the length of college BOPs if the students continue to break college rules by holding ‘inter-BOPs’.

The college issued the warning after the recent spate of ambulance calls to BOPs, linked to excessive drinking. It is thought that the Merton practice of ‘inter-BOPs’ had been a major factor in this.

Oliver Koo, Merton’s Charity Rep, explained, “Merton holds pre-BOPs before the BOP itself: one in the MCR and one in the JCR. These pre-BOPs are sponsored by the respective common rooms (free drinks are provided) and are a nice way for people to mingle and get in the right mood for the BOP.
“The JCR pre-BOP tends to end around 10:30… However, most Mertonians don’t end up going to the BOP till around 12am.

“In between pre-BOPs and the BOP itself, people tend to ‘inter-BOP’. Basically, this amounts to friends congregating in someone’s room, listening to music, playing drinking games etc.”

As a result, the college was concerned with people’s safety and threatened to reduce the time of the BOPs from 2am to 1am or 12pm unless this behaviour stopped.

In accordance with the college handbook any group of 10 or more people is classed as a party and must be authorised. Before the most recent BOP on Saturday night, the JCR sent out an email explaining that porters would be on patrol ready to shut down any interbops and fine those involved. Bouncers had been instructed not to let anyone in if they were too drunk.

Welfare Rep, John Brazier, commented on student reactions to this, “Obviously any perceived attempt to make BOPs less alcoholic is going to be met with negative student reactions.

“Being unable to stop students from legally drinking under uncontrolled circumstances, they instead crack down on unofficial gatherings; most of which have been regular events all year.”

However, he further noted, “I think it’s important to understand that what the College is doing is neither the end of BOPs, nor a real change of the rules in place. The rules were already there, they were just little enforced. The fact that the College sought first to warn, and didn’t simply have a crackdown, is highly telling; what matters to them is the appearance of the College and, ultimately, student safety and I think that we can all agree that its safer to have people enjoying themselves in a controlled environment.

Oliver Koo said, “I think this past BOP went extremely well, in spite of the negative attention surrounding it: attendance was high and there was a great atmosphere at both pre-BOPs and the BOP itself, no doubt a product of people spending more time together in the JCR/MCR, and not sequestering themselves in student rooms for a couple of hours for inter-BOP.

“No ambulances were called, so that’s always a plus!”

Keble candle theft remains unsolved

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Keble students have been warned to remain vigilant after intruders broke in and stole a valuable candlestick from the college chapel in the early hours of Thursday morning.

The theft was accompanied by a noise disturbance as the intruders reportedly tried to open several doors of second year students, before promptly leaving the site.

The large candlestick, described by the college as a “very valuable item”, had been on display in front of the college chapel’s war memorial.

After the theft, the candlestick was subsequently found and returned to the college in what Senior Dean Stephen Payne described as a “seriously damaged condition”.

At present, both Payne and college Chaplain Jennifer Strawbridge have refused to comment further on the incident as investigations are still currently underway. However, in an email sent around the college on Friday, the Dean described the theft as one of “several incidents in college” in the early hours of Thursday morning. Payne was also thankful that “no-one was hurt”, as the college continues to treat the situation as a serious breach of security.

Much of the student body remains in the dark about the theft of the candle. JCR member Andrew Hall commented that “the student body in general (myself included) does not really seem to know what happened”, only informing Cherwell that the candle was “returned the next day”.

The college and its members have, however, flatly refused the notion that its own students were involved.

The incident has not yet been traced to any disturbance from within college. Keble rowing captain Paolo Spingardi explained, “That night the rowers didn’t have a crewdate going on,” explaining that the Keble crewdates that took place last week happened on Thursday evening, not Wednesday.

Speaking on behalf of his rowers, Spingardi continued, “I am certain that none of them would have stolen a candlestick from church.”

Spingardi also shared the shock and confusion of his fellow Keble students, agreeing that “this was an awful and sickening event and I struggle to think who would think this was ever a good idea.”

Keble JCR president Sean Ford was quick to quash any suggestion that Keble students were involved, telling Cherwell that he was “almost certain” that it was someone from outside of the college.

Ford told Cherwell that at this point he didn’t think the police would be getting involved. However, the Dean has subsequently told students to take extra security measures. In his email to the college, he stated that “If any locks are not working properly, please report them as soon as possible”, and that “If you are propping or wedging doors open, please stop.”

The theft appears to be the subject of much rumour and speculation, and will continue to be so while the college’s investigation continues.

Steamy burritos video cheeses off RAG members

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Oxford RAG has removed a video from its Facebook page, after accidentally posting a link to pornography.

As a fundraising activity to celebrate RAG Week the charity organised a burrito eating contest at ‘Mission Burrito’. Teams of five competed to complete the ‘Mission Burrito’ challenges with all money raised going to charity. In an attempt to promote this event, the RAG posted a YouTube video titled ‘Burrito Song [10 hours]’ on their Facebook page. It was captioned ‘In an attempt to find Burrito related entertainment on the internet, this cropped up… I don’t know how or why it exist, but there you go… You could be singing this next Thursday’. The video is ten hours of the Burrito Song, running on a continuous loop. Unknown to those who had posted it, after the three hour mark, the video becomes graphically pornographic for around ten minutes, as the caption appears ‘YOU’VE FOUND THE HIDDEN PORN!!!’. It has since been removed from RAG’s Facebook page.

Despite the site’s strictly anti-pornography policy, it has stayed on Youtube. It has garnered comments such as ‘FAP FAP FAP 3:19:40’ and ‘the nude girl btw nice tits but a little bit moore [sic]’. Another reads ‘Go to 3:19:40 kids! Coolest picture ever!!’, dubbing it ‘fappable’. Many have registered their appreciation with comments such as ‘Tits at 3:18 lloovvee it [sic]’. Some however were disappointed with the video, questioning ‘why the nipple so flat’. In response to the question of ‘what am I watching? A SHRIMP WITH A BURRITO!!!!!!!!’ the uploader replied ‘NO I ALSO PUT PORN IN IT SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT LOL’.

It would appear that the RAG’s organising members are not the first people to mistakenly post such a video with one user commenting ‘whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt noooooooooooooooo( : go dam it [sic] now I have to take it down from fb’.

One of the Burrito eating competition’s organisers commented, “Unfortunately, it seems that in my search for a mildly titillating video about burritos, I instead stumbled upon tits. At lunch in college I was plugging the event, when someone in the conversation alerted me to the fact there was porn in the video, a few hours in.

“Obviously I didn’t believe it at first, thinking for a start that no one could possibly have survived that video for a few minutes, let alone a few hours, and that he could not have got so far into it. However, he explained that if you watched the video on YouTube itself rather than Facebook, the comments expressed a bizarre obsession with one small section of the video. So yeah, that was because of the porn.

“When I found out I was pretty shocked but could obviously see the funny side, and to be honest so have those on the RAG committee whom I have told. Apart from that one person who told me about the issue at lunch, there have been no comments so to be perfectly honest, I don’t think anyone else noticed. I suppose that in future I will check videos a bit more rigorously before posting them, but I think my naivety in this case wasn’t so unforgivable; I mean, who knew there was porn on the internet?”

The reaction from the student body has been mixed. One student commented, “That is honestly the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand what sort of person would have a children’s song on a continuous loop for ten hours then stick some pretty graphic porno in the middle.

“I feel bad for any kid who has watched it through. It’s fucking weird and makes no sense. Quite funny that the Oxford RAG didn’t realise what it was though but I doubt it’s been that big a deal for them.

“I mean who would actually watch the video through for three hours? It got annoying after ten seconds.”

Another mused that “The fact that people would find the porn at the three hours seventeen minutes mark means that they’d sat through three hours of it just to find the porn. And if they were willing to do that then they’d probably sit through for a further three hours to see if there was any more.”

Some students were adamant that this was not a big deal, with one commenting, “I don’t really know what all the fuss is about!”

Review: House of Cards

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★★★★★

If anyone wants to know what truly excellent television looks like, I recommend that you head over to Netflix. The second season of House of Cards premiered on Valentines’ Day, and reminded us that chocolates, flowers and true love are utterly meaningless in comparison to the true delight of this show, with an opening episode that was dark, dramatic, intense and compelling. It also had one of the most gasp-worthy moments I’ve ever seen on television. The gauntlet was most definitely laid down. 

And the fun doesn’t stop at one extraordinary episode: on Netflix the whole season is available at once. There are thirteen dangerously addictive instalments to be devoured. I watched the whole season in two days and I’m not even a little bit sorry. The show maintained many of the features which made us fall in love with it in the first time round, not least cinematography that any movie would be jealous of, shot in achingly beautiful muted greys and sinister blues. Kevin Spacey is once again deliciously evil and spine-chillingly ruthless but the real stand-out performance came from Robin Wright, simultaneously steely, vulnerable and perpetually watchable.

The season overall has its highs and lows. At times, the show achieves moments of true drama, poignant, compelling, and even shocking. An interview Claire gives in the fourth episode is particularly arresting, and watching Frank Underwood manipulate and control everyone in his path like a terrifying self-serving hurricane of destruction is undeniably exhilarating. However there are lows: at times the narrative loses its way a little, becoming unnecessarily caught up with Chinese businessmen we don’t really care about or descending into pointless conversation between Frank and Raymond Tusk (Gerald McRaney). Without the declared desire for revenge which powered the first season, it felt a little as if some of the narrative drive had been lost. 

But these are minor quibbles and I wouldn’t want them to put you off . Netflix is on top of its game right now, and there’s no question that this is a show that is raising the bar. There is now no longer any excuse for TV not to be as well-written, acted, and beautifully shot as the best things coming from the film industry. I, for one, am sitting up and taking notice, and I hope that everyone making television is too.

Wahoo in class-themed event controversy

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The popular club night Fuzzy Ducks, which takes place every Wednesday at Wahoo, has attracted condemnation from members of the Oxford Activist Network after running the theme night ‘Country Estates and Council Estates’.

Alice Nutting, a member of the Oxford Activist Network and a former JCR equalities officer, told Cherwell, “Club nights like these breed a circus culture of casual snobbery. They play on cheap stereotypes, implicitly mocking people from low income backgrounds and ridiculing their supposed lifestyles. This is terrible from an access perspective and could easily alienate students at this university who are from council estates themselves.”

Nick Evans, a postgraduate student at Wadham and a member of the Oxford People’s Assembly and the Oxford Activist Network, also commented on the insensitivity of the event.

“This celebration of class division is especially offensive in a city dominated by an elite university, and yet in which twenty two percent of children live below the poverty line. In some areas nearly half of children live in poverty. This is set to get worse as we have just seen homeless support, adult social care and funding for children’s services slashed by the county council.”

The management of Wahoo nightclub stated, “All events, themes and content are discussed in advance and the Management team advise on the potential impact these may have with respects to the site specific and Mandatory Licensing Conditions.

“The theme ‘Country Estates and Council Estates’ is an established annual event that has been in operation for several years without cause for concern or complaint from the authorities and/or any other interested party. We will review its inclusion in the events calendar over the next academic year after your comments.”

“Please rest assured that neither Wahoo nor Fuzzy Ducks wish to cause offense or harm to any individual or demographic.”

Comedy: It’s a man’s world?

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Change is afoot at the British Broadcasting Corporation. Rapidly responding to a problem that has been prevalent for nearly a decade, it was announced recently that all-male line-ups would no longer be allowed on its comedy panel shows. It is true that the issue is rife. Indeed, this conspicuous absence of women from panel shows means our perceptions have been radically altered; it is now much more surprising when a female comedian appears on Mock the Week, when it should surely be the absence that is shocking. 

The problem is much more endemic than a lack of female comedians, however. All the panel shows have resident guests or team captains: David Mitchell and Lee Mack on Would I Lie to You?, Sean Lock and the other one on 8 out of 10 Cats, the gentleman’s club that is Mock the Week. No show has any female resident guests. No show has a female presenter either. That’s deplorable, entirely because it’s fantastically unrepresentative of the extensive female comedic talent that exists. I utterly doubt that Josie Long could be any less humorous than Andy Parsons.

Whilst the BBC’s equivalent of comedic affirmative action is far from the meritocratic system that plainly should be in place, at the very least it highlights that what panel shows have done is prevent any variety in the depiction of comedians, even down to gender. You can call this the ‘Michael McIntyre thesis’ – he is male, popular and made a lot of money, so what he did, (emphasis on the ‘he’ here), is now considered the only way to become a succesful comedian. It is an idea as insulting to the viewing audience as it is to stand-up comedians. But the real impact of TV comedy is much more nefarious than that. 

The immense popularity of panel shows has led to stand-up comedians being characterised by one persona: young men who churn out observational material. You only need to watch the above-mentioned shows to provide innumerable examples. It’s a viral pandemic of mass-produced comedy cannon fodder, totally indistinguishable in style and delivery, approaching topics so repetitively banal that ‘naff ’ does not even begin to describe it. My eventful (or uneventful) sex life? Riffs on the ridiculous antics of my pets? My child/nephew/ sibling who just says the funniest things? That hilarious thing that happened on the train home the other day? My side-splitting daily routine? That time I fell over? All check; material so uninspiring and derivative that it would be more amusing to feed your own face into a wood-chipper.

To give TV some credit, it has done a fantastic job at suppressing the attention due to all the satirists, surrealists, character, alternative, physical, musical and, most of all, female comedians who are out there. Instead of offering the truly diverse smorgasbord of the British comedy scene, we are relentlessly force-fed the thoughtless regurgitations of McIntyre doppelgangers. 

In fact, it seems completely logical that if TV insists on promoting conformist comedians, then it would surely be possible to fi ll the deck of clones with more women. If they’re all saying the same thing in the same way, why does it matter if it’s a man or woman undeservedly occupying that spotlight?

That is the state of contemporary comedy that television disseminates, the comedy we are being forced to consume. A nebulously amorphous blob of observational pseudocomics, who talk a lot but say nothing, either in the vain hope of being given a chat show or in absolute fear of being jettisoned back into the galling chasm of perpetual anonymity. The BBC’s new policy isn’t perfect, but it goes a long way in recognising the problems that modern comedy is presented with. If you want to see the real face of stand-up, go to a comedy club, the Edinburgh Fringe or the top floor of a pub. Don’t, whatever you do, reach for the remote.