Friday 6th June 2025
Blog Page 1660

Review: Arabian Nights

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Walking up the relatively blank Burton Taylor stairs, a promising waft of incense floated down to greet me, even before I was ushered into the dim tent. No rows of plastic chairs or wooden floors here: silky material was draped around to wrap up its audience in a warm, cosy, exotic dome. It was as if the setting was not only saying, “picture this” with its glittering candles and wine-red carpet; but also “hear this” with the varied beat of a hand drum played in a corner; “smell this” with  delicately scented smoke; even “taste this” (the shisha was banana-flavoured). Gingerly perching on a velvet cushion, I joined the chattering on-lookers lounging at the side of the den.

The king, who had all this while been sitting brooding on his throne, spoke up at the strike of a spotlight, and sprung into a regally wrathful speech against the infidelity of his wife. At this point, I started to get a little more comfortable with the idea that this was just a performance, admittedly with an unusually intimate setting. The initial framework story was outlined: the King wishes to sleep with and then kill one virgin every night, as he believes that no woman is chaste. Shaharazad, the brave heroine, comes in place of one of the virgins so that she armight persuade the king to stop his brutality towards his own people, but at the risk of losing her own life. To try to soften his heart and enlighten his mind, she tells him many different meaningful tales.

An exciting enough story in itself, they could have left the two of them sat on the bed telling each other stories all night. But this was no lazy adaptation. An ensemble of actors sprung out from amongst the audience to help not only narrate the tales, but also to show them, too. Whether they were wiggling their hands like fish in the sea, or parading around a protagonist on a human camel, they were full of lively diversity. One actor even managed to make himself into a stage, whilst others behind him shook puppets over the top of his back. Looking at the caste list retrospectively, it seems unfair to label any of them as one role; they were characters, narrators, audience, props and set. 

I’ve spent so long warbling about the ingenuity of the performance, that I find myself with little space for the tales: in a nutshell, a great variety, and as versatile and diverse as the actual performance of them. At times exaggerated and farcical, at others highly strung with tension, passionate and even violent. The shift between different stories was so thick and fast, so it was always easy to suddenly find yourself balancing on the edge of a knife just after a cheerful laugh. Finally, after a clever twist at the end (which shall not be spoiled here), we were released back to ourselves – but not without the drum striking up again to see us off. That tent may be lying folded up in plastic bags somewhere now, but the impression it made continues to be inescapable.

 FIVE STARS

Review: Edward II

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Edward II is rarely performed. The first act is a bit samey, the arc a little wobbly. It’s one of those plays where 90% of the fighting and screwing happens offstage, and if you’ve turned up anticipating the titular character’s totally grody death (poker, arse, up) you can forget it – it’s “tasteful blackout” all the way. But you could hardly call it boring, not while there’s homosexual love, war, madness, and betrayal to contend with. Sadly, a cast that aren’t up to the task and no end of comically bad direction mean that any glimmers of promise collapse into a soup of lazy interpretation.

Alex Stutt’s jittery Edward could be wonderful, but soon grates, mostly because he doesn’t know how to just stand on stage (or in character: he’s frequently so sad he falls over, once whilst sitting down). A lot of the cast seem to have this problem – guys, it’s okay! You’re still acting! – though Stutt is the main culprit. If you’re going to dodder around like a coked-up heron, you need a counterpoint in your quieter moments.  Everyone’s energy kicks off in such a SHOUTY WAY, because they are ANGRY with the KING for GAYING UP THE PLACE with his EYESHADOW (though how he stops faffing long enough to apply it is a mystery), that it knocks the wind out of later confrontations, or moments that demand a subtle change in stakes to avoid being repetitive. A pre-set emotional range of “capslock”, “devastated”, and “horny” robs the action of the danger it demands. Josh Booth is an appropriately petulant Gaveston, though the character is underexamined and the journey flat. There’s a lot of groping and not much chemistry. Worse, the decision to have him multi-role as seductive poker-wielding assassin Lightborn turns Edward’s death, by implication, into a horrifically misjudged pantomime of sodomy. Classy. Moritz Borrmann, Tim Forshaw and Tom Heaps are forgettable as three Barons with an amusing habit of standing in height order.

It’s not all bad, though. Lizhi Howard is a delightfully miscast Arundel, with all the bellicose kill-rage of the Tellytubbies’ sun baby, or a primary school teacher who’s somehow got a sword stuck in her belt, and Emily Warren’s Matrevis makes an enjoyable and genuinely thoughtful transition from wet lettuce to torturer. Phoebe Hames is a true standout, a breath of fresh air as the jilted Queen Isabella. Her performance feels lived-in, by turns spiky and stricken, or else heavy with wounded dignity, like she’s just had a good long cry.

As always, the devil’s in the detail, and you really wonder whether Francesca Petrizzo (who is responsible and should feel bad) was conscious at the time of directing. Actors read A4 lined scrolls, “waterboard” each other from cups dashed to the ground  – also, student productions are hard-up, I get it, but I think critics are entitled to have a pop when that “glittering” crown you’re monologuing about came free with a Happy Meal and weighs visibly less than a satsuma. The blocking alone is a laff riot: at one point Canterbury is sent to inform Parliament that Edward will yield the throne. He stands at the back of the stage and gazes at the wall. Pondering the weight of responsibility, perhaps? No, just waiting to be “called back” ten seconds later. Outstanding.

ONE STAR

Debate: Are we excited about the Olympics?

Proposition:

I love sport. I love the camaraderie of a steamy changing room after a big win with the boys. I love the rush of blood to the head after a good bout of exercise. I love the endless conversation fodder it provides for meals, drinks and long journeys. Sport gives meaning to individual lives, sport unites teams and builds nations. The Olympics are coming to London this summer and I can’t wait.

The Olympics, with its momentous significance, will give meaning to parts of England that are often overlooked in global affairs. When else would you see something as culturally significant in Needham, Chippenham or Leighton Buzzard? The Olympic Torch is blazing through Britain’s banal countryside, placing for one transcendental moment the A420 on the same historical stage as the great wonders of our world. The torch represents more than just the mark of the Olympics, its journey is a cultural crusade of historical significance. It is sport’s most recognisable symbol, uniting place and people in its wake.

The Olympics also focus the gaze of the watching world on one particular event. It is perhaps for this reason that the Olympics have been the scene of hugely significant political moments and indications of widespread social movements, all of which have become indelibly marked on the wider historical script. Jesse Owens’s four medals at Munich in 1936 showed in glorious fashion the ridiculous falsehoods of the Nazi ethos of Aryan supremacy, while in Mexico city in 1968 Tommie Smith and John Carlos, two African American 200 metre sprinters who finished on the podium, gave the black power salute during the American national anthem. At London 2012, at a time of deep rooted social frustration in the capital, will we see similar moments of cultural significance? Perhaps the ‘Occupy’ campaign will move to rowing headquarters at Eton Dorney to set up camp, a floating reminder of the moral bankruptcy of capitalism. Or perhaps Tom Daley will step up his anti-bullying campaign on the diving board, wearing a glittery thong in an attempt to neutralise gender discrimination in sport.

Aside from these significant arguments in favour of the Olympics, there is a myriad of other opportunities the games provide: handing out medals gives work to minor royals, while Elbow’s finances go through the roof every time the BBC use ‘Day Like This’ in a montage. The travel industry booms as Londoners get as far away from events in their home town as possible, while the BBC coverage keeps Sue Barker in work, at least for the summer. Hosting London 2012 may have cost the taxpayer over nine billion pounds, but it’s worth every last penny.

Barney White

 

Opposition:

It’s taken four years, but our elaborate scheme to trick swathes of foreigners into going to East London is almost complete. The Olympics are coming to UK. It will, argue its proponents, leave a sporting legacy that will outweigh its considerable costs. But, undermining all the games’ lofty ideals is one fatal flaw: sport is rubbish.

We are promised a lasting legacy, that the four week gridlock and monetary loss shall be trivial by comparison. But, most of this legacy will arrive in the form of a surplus of sporting facilities for inner-city youths. The assumption is that training up athletes and inspiring exercise is a good thing. Well, out of a deep dedication to hands-on journalism, I did a peculiar thing last Wednesday: I went for a run. It was horrible. Within minutes my legs had turned to jelly and I was choking on my own sweat. Small children were left in floods of tears, traumatised by the sight of my turquoise short shorts. Everything hurt. Clearly it would be grossly irresponsible to encourage such activity.

In fact, the ‘healthy mind, healthy body’ glorification of exercise is almost as ubiquitous as it is lacking actual empirical evidence. For the sake of science I would like you to conduct an experiment: if you can pull your eyes away from this page for a second please look up and observe those around you. Look at their pale, oily faces, those lank, chubby, sausage limbs – they betray an aversion to exercise that has gotten these people into the best university in the world. If you are alone, consider that the social ineptitude causing this probably results from social exclusion in early childhood due to your own sporting failures. But the hours studying alone in your bedroom, whilst those happier, prettier, sportier children played outside, are what brought you into this wonderful city. Furthermore, the notion that team sport builds character is fatally undermined considering most professional footballers seem to possess the moral fortitude of a particularly dishonest can of special brew.

And let’s not forget: it’s hopelessly dull to watch. The athletics particularly so. It’s just people moving quickly. Why not save the hundreds of millions the UK taxpayer currently spends on athletics training and simply film me and my pals running a hundred metres then play it at double speed? Same result. More bizarre is the gymnastics which is, essentially, just people moving from one place to another in an absurdly inefficient manner. Readers, sport is not virtuous, it is painful and embarrassing. It turns the fans into louts, the participants into sweaty wrecks and puts everyone else to sleep. Why we chose to take on this costly circus is a mystery.

Ben Deaner

5 Minute Tute: Money in politics

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What are the Super PACs that have become so important in the US election?

Political Action Committees (PACs) are organisations used to raise money to support the election of particular candidates regulated by the Federal Election Commission. What has changed since 2008 is the emergence of so-called Super PACs, which can now raise unlimited funds from individuals and corporations. Expenditure by PACs has been unlimited since the 1980s, but donations have not. There are now no restrictions on either, provided that PACs do not coordinate with the candidates whose campaigns they support. US electoral laws therefore maintain a tenuous distinction between contributions to individual candidates, which continue to be limited for fear of their potentially corrupting influence, and the right to freedom of expression in advocating the election of those same candidates.

How will these Super PACs affect US politics?

In the words of Zhou Enlai, it is too early to say, though there is a widespread fear of a further redistribution of political power towards the rich and of a further increase in negative campaigning. T he potential influence of such organizations was revealed by the impact of the campaign against John Kerry by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (technically not a PAC, but having a similar effect). The recent Republican primaries were also characterised by a high density of negative TV ads. It is hard to see how the Citizens United ruling really enhances freedom of speech, rather than simply allowing rich individuals and corporations (including, of course, labour unions) to shout louder.

How important will the candidates’ ‘war chests’ be in the upcoming Presidential election?

Barack Obama’s fundraising campaign was crucial to his victory in 2008 (and also to his successful primary battle with Hilary Clinton). Once again, however, we don’t yet know what the relative impact of Super PAC expenditure against the candidates’ own expenditure will be. Democrats are concerned about Restore our Future, the Romneysupporting Super PAC founded by former Bush strategist and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove. On the other hand, Sheldon and Miriam Adelson’s $10m donation to a Newt Gingrich-supporting Super PAC didn’t do him that much good! For Barack Obama the ground operation will be crucially important, as it was for George W. Bush in 2004.

Does money count for less in the UK?

I’m not sure whether the relationship between politics and money can ever be entirely ‘clean’: no party funding arrangement is immune from criticism. That said, I have little doubt that money counts for more in US politics than in the UK. Quite apart from the enormous sums required for a presidential run, the electoral prospects of individual congressmen are closely tied to their fund-raising capacity, something that does not apply to MPs. One can understand many of the dynamics within Congress and between Congress and the White House in terms of the influence of money on US politics.

Should UK parties be state-funded?

There is more state funding of political parties in the UK than many people realise, primarily in the form of Policy Development Grants and money to support opposition parties. The problem with state funding, apart from the fact that it would impose new costs on taxpayers at a time when politicians are not universally popular, is that it tends to reinforce the status quo by requiring some degree of electoral success to qualify for funding. If what we are concerned about is party donors being ‘rewarded’ with appointment to the legislature, a simpler solution might be to introduce an elected House of Lords.

Adam Humphreys is a Fellow of Politics at Brasenose College

The danger of slow news days

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You may have read recently that Keble’s undergraduate body voted decisively not to spend £193 on a portrait of the Queen to be placed in the JCR, with Daily Mail journalist Ian Garland vented his spleen over the issue earlier in the week. The content of the article was adequately summarised by its headline: ‘Students at top Oxford college refuse to hang picture of the Queen because doing so would promote ELITISM’. It fits into the standard tabloid Oxbridge model: we all belong to a narrow social elite, which means that our opinions on issues of elitism and privilege are invalid.

Comments on Mail Online such as ‘do these dipsticks really have the mental ability to attend such an establishment?’ demonstrate a funny situation in which Oxford as an institution is granted respect and deference by the general public, but the people who inhabit it are not. Oxford students aren’t given much of a chance. Either we are toffs and reactionaries, elitists and traditionalists, or we are whinging left-leaning typical students. If the latter is true, it is only interesting because we are meant to be the former.

Many of the issues regarding tabloid articles about Oxbridge in general were elegantly pointed out this week by a lengthy response in Cherwell’s rival newspaper. That answered the question ‘why was the article bad?’ However, we must also ask the question ‘why was the article written?’ Journalism is in essence comprised of two roles which can sometimes pull against each other; finding the news, and reporting it. A lot of the time, there simply isn’t very much news. Oxford is a small place. Britain isn’t, nor is the world, but the things which people want to read about are rarely the same as the things which are important to our lives, or the things that are valuable for us to know about.

The same phenomenon is apparent in student newspapers, although suggesting you flick through this copy of Cherwell to verify that claim would be disloyal. Sometimes there is no story to be found, so there is no story to report. The Keble JCR motion is clearly not a national news story, but people want to read about it because it reinforces existing prejudices and gives a platform to anti-Oxford sentiment. For better or for worse, as Oxford students, people are interested in us and what we do.

Similarly, those on the Oxford student press’ trawl list are encouraged to exaggerate stories about minor JCR incidents into full blown press stories. Sometimes, it’s hard to know the limits as to what constitutes ‘news’. What if people are interested in it? How about news stories which severely jeopardise people’s future prospects? When there is no news, should we create it? Maybe we should just print something telling the truth: ‘Sorry, there isn’t any news today.’

Sides of the story – the Diamond Jubilee

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Facts of the matter

The Queen has now been on the throne for longer than most of her subjects have been alive, has outlasted countless governments, and has presided with a probably admirable calm over the slump towards relative insignificance of both the UK in general and the monarchy in particular.

The UK has pulled out all the stops to mark what may well be the last major royal-centred event before we get stuck with King Charles, ordering the nation to picnic en masse and fly flags, and to cap it off called in pop stars, dignitaries and a giant flotilla of boats (we’re a marine power, remember) to give the blandly pleasant old gal her due: misplaced, and somewhat outdated pomp. Important royal events are always tough to cover – most editors demand a positive spin, which isn’t really what the British press is designed for.

And so you get the same obsession with the details of dress without any of the bitchy meanness that gets papers like The Mail off the shelves. The result is a more or less endless stream of praise of the emotional and ‘often witty’ speeches, the glitz and the music. After four days of it, you almost miss the shrieky finger-pointing that makes Britain’s papers what they are.

Laugh-a-minute

One of the few monarchists at the Guardian turns effusive on us, recounting the times he was personally charmed by the Queen (‘my’ Queen, apparently), dwelling as her admirers invariably do on her outfits: ‘and was that not a yellow flower clasped within the band of her green hat?’, he gasps, swooning over his keyboard, one imagines.

He fills out the rest of the blank page space with an odd defence of monarchic privilege: boring lefties who argue that all the pageantry is just a disguise for grossly unjust privilege are wrong: ‘ there is only one thing worse than being poor and that’s being rich but without the opportunity to choose what to spend it on’. That this kind of logical gymnastics can get published in a leading newspaper speaks volumes of the very defensive affection felt in the UK for the Queen, probably more than we admit.

Voice(s) of reason

Also in the Guardian, Alexis Petridis reminds us that the Royals are have had years of training at enduring events far more tedious than anything Cheryl Cole and Robbie Williams can throw at them – think of the decades spent smiling and waving politely at Royal variety shows. The same paper also managed to dig up an Alterative Jubilee, billed as a gathering of ‘old queens’ on a hill somewhere in Scotland, adding that the late Queen Mother was apparently a ‘notorious fag hag’.

And, that’s about it as far as interesting coverage goes. Every major royal event tends to reduce the British press to doe-eyed fawning, with the occasional bitter rant about it’s all wrong and we should never have let Charles II back in the first place. I can only recommend enjoying or at least tolerating the quiet pageantry while it lasts – Charles III will be harder to ignore.

Interview: Stephen Glover

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Glover has all the hallmarks of a British media heavyweight. His semi-detached Victorian town-house in leafy North Oxford is but a short trip away from Chipping Norton, where David Cameron, Rebekah Brooks and other political and media elites hobnob and ride horses. A mess of the day’s broadsheets and tabloids is the only clutter in his spotless drawing room, where I am invited to conduct our interview.

Before I can ask a question, Stephen, who is excited by my iPhone’s voice memo app – “It’s very cool, that!”- can’t resist telling me a trick of the trade: always test your equipment. He recounts the tale of his first interview as a young journalist for the Telegraph: “I got home and realised none of it was on the tape! A miserable experience”. I check my iPhone’s recording then, and twice more during the interview. Any aspiring hack could do worse than take advice from Stephen Glover.

Glover has now been a journalist for forty years. He began his career at Oxford, where he was co-editor of that bulwark of student journalism, The Isis, in 1974. His contemporaries include a whole host of media success stories and household names. Sir Peter Stothard, who later became Editor of the Times for ten years, was editing Cherwell at that time, whilst Tina Brown, who went on to edit Tatler, Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, was a fellow Isis contributor.

Glover’s co-editor at The Isis was none other than Chris Huhne, a former Lib Dem cabinet minister who became embroiled in a scandal over driving licence penalty points last year. When the allegations against Huhne came out, Glover did what any good journalist would do. He invited his old friend to a champagne lunch before proceeding to write a scathing article in the Daily Mail.

Indeed, Glover has a ruthless streak that helps explain his rise up the greasy pole of British journalism. Despite struggling to find a permanent job after graduating, he readily quit his first employment at the Telegraph in order to create the Independent with Andreas Smith and Matthew Symonds in 1986. At a time when the print unions were striking and the broadsheet market was saturated with long-established brands, this was a high-risk gamble. Glover visibly lights up as he remembers the venture. “We had the idea that by using new technology to create a lower cost base, we could exploit a gap in the market for a new quality newspaper, and so that’s what we did!…I was quite young, I was prepared to take the risk.”

At its inception, The Independent certainly shook up a rather stale British newspaper industry, sparking a price war and a spurt of innovation in layout design. Capitalizing on its freedom from proprietary influence, a key selling point, it attacked The Times and The Daily Telegraph in an advertising campaign that featured spoofs of those papers mastheads with the words ‘The Rupert Murdoch’ and ‘The Conrad Black’. By 1989, the paper’s circulation of over 400,000 rivalled that of its competitors.

But all good things must come to an end, and in the 1990s news readers shifted their attention to the internet, quickly followed by advertisers. As circulation and revenue plummeted, Glover et al. were forced to sell the paper to Mirror Group Newspapers and the media company of Tony O’Reilly, an Irish billionaire. “The original dream of three journalists owning the paper was destroyed” laments Glover.

The paper is now owned by Alexander Lebedev, who bought it for a £1 fee in 2010 following the bankruptcy of O’Reilly’s media group during the financial crisis. The Russian oligarch has been able to absorb the paper’s losses but under his ownership, the paper’s proud banner, ‘free from party political bias, free from proprietary influence’ has had to be dropped from the front page. “Because, I suppose, it was nonsense”.

Despite the Independent’s recent trials and tribulations, Glover remains cautiously optimistic about the future of the newspaper industry. “Ailing, but not dying,” he insists. I ask him to defend that statement, given falling circulations and the rise of citizen journalism, not to mention the blow to the credibility of the profession delivered by the recent phone-hacking scandal. “Look, journalism has a role and there’s a demand for it,” he counters. “People want newspapers, whether they read them online or in traditional form. They want expert analysis and explanation as well as information. I see no reason why this appetite should decrease”.

The problem, as Glover sees it, is simply one of getting revenue out of the internet. According to the Economist newspaper, the web overtook newspapers as the under-30s most popular source of news in 2010. Social media and mobile apps are also beginning to steal readers. Yet, online advertising generates less than 20% of a newspaper’s advertising revenue, and online rates are falling. With so many billions of websites, the value of a single online page is far less than a printed page. And now that advertisers can measure the number of hits their advertisements receive, they know exactly when they are paying too much.

But this is only a hiccup. “There’s already innovation to get around this problem” says Glover. He references targeted advertising used by the Daily Mail, that matches up advertisements to consumers based on their internet history. This makes online advertising more attractive, and therefore more lucrative to newspapers. He’s confident there will be more of these devices. His advice to aspiring journalists? “Do it! Its really not all doom and gloom”.

The rise of football hipsterism

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It’s commonly thought that 1999 was hipster year zero – American Apparel was created, Vice magazine moved from Toronto to New York, and the London fanzine ‘The Shoreditch Twat’ came into circulation.

Given this,  it could probably be said that 2008 was year zero for ‘football hipsterism’. In 2008, Twitter usage for journalists, bloggers and fans took off, Pep Guardiola’s Barcelona started to rule the world and the website Zonal Marking was created. While actual hipsters are defined by staying one step ahead in terms of tastes and opinions, while everything they do and think in life seems to be surrounded by quotation marks, the same fundamental principles to the football hipster.

The football hipster will tell you how he has rated Sergio Aguero ever since his days at Independiente. The football hipster will not care to talk of the brilliance of Lionel Messi – he is busy blogging about how inverted winger Isaac Cuenca is Barcelona’s real prodigy. The football hipster will scoff at you reading BBC Live Text, instead following the Guardian’s ‘minute-by-minute’, busy sending in an email explaining how Kierkegaard’s anti-federalism is much like Juan Mata’s style of play.

The football hipster will be busy finding the new opinion to hold, the new tactical trend to blog about. Vincent Kompany used to be like The xx – then everyone bought the album, and the opinion that the Belgian is the best centre-back in Europe isn’t worth expressing anymore, given how many people have realised it. “Mario Gomez? Please, Mario Götze”.

Twitter is where football hipsters express themselves  – as a concept it would not truly exist without this social media platform. Every day, football journalists (Guardian ones, naturally) constantly tweet the food for the hipster football fans and bloggers to chew on. There is a constant supply of subversive opinions and cynical put-downs to be made at the expense of other teams, players and fans. Twitter during matches is when the hipsters go into overdrive.

“Laurent Koscielny had another good game? What a surprise….I’ve been saying how good he is for months’.  

“I see Barcelona are employing the W-M formation – this reminds me of Vitorrio Pozzo’s Italy side when they won the 1934 World Cup….”

A football fan called Michael Cox was working in a bar, and spending all his free time watching football, developing his understanding of tactics. On his website, ‘ZonalMarking.net’,  started in 2008 he has since written regular tactical analyses and in-depth reviews of tactical trends for any audience that wish to listen. Four years after the website began, he is now writing for the Guardian, ESPN, Betfair as well as working for BBC radio.

Like Cox, the hallmark of a football hipster is that they run a blog named after a particular football concept, which states that it ‘takes a sideways look at the beautiful game’. Equaliser Blog, TwoFootedTackle, Ghost Goal, Down In The Box  – these websites all exist. Brian Phillips, an English graduate from Harvard, runs the blog Run of Play, where he is busy writing about how James Joyce’s Ulysses applies to Jordan Henderson.

These people exist in real life too – the ‘Socrates meeting’ is a meet-up of all the football writers, bloggers and podcasters  in London every couple of months to share a beer and watch a game together. At one of these events last year, I walked into a conversation between Cox and an Italian blogger who lives in Archway. They were discussing their favourite non-Italian Serie B full-backs of the last ten years. I had to leave the conversation because I had spilled an Innocent Smoothie over all my Opta stats sheets.

Like real hipsterism, football hipsterism is essentially an attempt to subvert the mainstream, while simultaneously rarely being serious about anything. After all, if you take yourself or some pursuit too seriously, you are yourself vulnerable and open to ridicule. Thus a football hipster is rarely a passionate supporter of any club. Tribalism is to be laughed at, and the most evocative form of tribalism – Liverpool fans – are to be laughed at the most. 

Unlike real hipsterism though, football hipsterism is here to stay. Michael Cox is probably one of the best writers and tactical brains out there – and he has 68,000 followers on Twitter. Gary Lineker has 700,000. If you want to become a real hipster you can buy a Casio watch and move to EC1. The reason why the ‘hipster’ is such a nebulous concept is because the mainstream has hijacked much of what hipsterism was, at least on the surface. If you buy all your clothes from Topman now, you would have been called a hipster six years ago.

On the other hand, fewer people actually want to become football hipsters. The majority of people will be happy to continue in their natural environment as a football fan – unthinking, stubborn conservatism to their BBC, tribalist, hoof-it-long-to-Crouchy culture.