I have a general rule of never going to Cowley solely for a meal. Pleasant though many of the restaurants east of the Cherwell are, it’s just bit of a trek, and I’m not that dedicated as a reviewer. No meal is worth a thirty minute walk, or even a cycle ride that’s almost entirely uphill from Magdelen roundabout onwards. But a friend wanted to try Carne, and like the selfless, generous fellow that I am, I relented and agreed to make the arduous journey across the wilds of east Oxford. This was a mistake.

Carne advertises itself as ‘the best steak house, BBQ bar in Oxford.’ I have no idea what a ‘BBQ bar’ is, but Carne is an all-you-can-eat place. There’s a buffet, with a variety of salady-things along with some potatoes, pasta and the like. Once you’re back at your table, the waiters come around every five minutes or so with a lump of meat on a skewer, from which they carve. In theory, this goes on for the entire evening, and you can eat and eat until your chair collapses. Now, most all-you-can-eat places have some devious method of preventing you from eating them into bankruptcy. Pizza places spray extra oil onto their buffet food, to make you feel fuller more quickly. Some Chinese buffets add artificial appetite-suppressants to their food. Carne has a different method: it just makes the food utterly, retch-inducingly disgusting.

The buffet offerings looked like they had been sitting there, under their heat lamps all day. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were unchanged from the lunchtime produce. One offering of ‘fish [of indeterminate species] a la Brazialiana’ was looked particularly vile, sodden lumps of white flesh bobbing apologetically in a vat of pale yellowish liquid, which had formed a thick skin on the surface which came away with Ruth’s spoon. ‘That fish looks like the waste products of a particularly major liposuction operation have been deposited in a vat of heavily congealed semen,’ I observed. ‘It does, but you can’t say that in the paper,’ she replied.

The meat that they brought to our table was a little better, but not much. Pork was dry as a bone, a lump of beef was indifferent, some lamb was ok while chicken hearts are a perfect demonstration of why everyone else serves leg or breast. The waiter was quite sweet though.

We ordered a cocktail: a pitcher of ‘Amazon Sunshine’ made with ‘a tropical berry called aceola that contains ten time more vitamin c than orange, plus cachaca fresh lime juice, sugar and mint leaves.’ I have no idea what alcohol they put in it, but whatever it was they clearly emptied most of a bottle; the final mixture was so strong that it was basically undrinkable. I took one sip and came very close to spraying it all over my pork (which, to be honest, could have used the flavour). Neither of us finished our first glass, let alone the whole pitcher. It cost £20 – £20! – which is more than they charge you at Bridge. Someone promised to bring us a jug of water, but it never came. There were two other tables occupied in the whole room, which was dark, cavernous, and featured orange plastic chairs and a football game playing on a projector screen on the wall. No-one appeared watching.

Carne epitomises everything that is wrong with restaurants today. It represents the triumph of quantity over quality: the idea that you can have a good time just by stuffing your face with ridiculous quantities of cheap meat really grates in an era when people are becoming more and more aware of the health and environmental consequences of excessive meat consumption. The food might be cheap, but they do a fine job of making it back on the drink prices. Above all, Carne is indicative of management who just don’t care: about food, décor, service, the environment, or the simple business of giving customers a good time. Avoid.

Rating: 1/5
In short: No-one is carnivorous enough for this

By far the most important festival in China is the Spring Festival, also known as Chinese New Year.

This year, members of OXCSSA and students of other universities in south England gathered in Oxford to celebrate the Festival. Here, we bring you Cherwell photographer Wojtek Szymczak’s take on proceedings.

Got some photos that you’d like to share with the rest of Oxford?
Why not send them in to [email protected]?

Oxford basketball Blues took on Warwick in a last-16 play-off match on 17-02-10. Watch the highlights here

Oxford residents and students gather to protest against the lapdancing license granted to local club Thirst Lodge.

When interviewing Dr Rachel Aron, the UK Ambassador to Belgium, it is apparent that she loves her job, speaking highly of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office who she describes as understanding and helping her throughout her career. She has, without doubt, had an amazing career – joining the FCO in 1984 and consequently serving at posts in Brazil, Oman, and as First Secretary (Sanctions) of the UK Mission to the UN.

Having done her PhD in Cambridge, she says she always enjoyed reading about foreign affairs. In spite of the fact that Aron found the FCO to be a male dominated and hierarchical environment when she joined in 1984, she says that “I never felt held back as a woman”. Testament to that is her ability to work part-time during childcare, as well as holding joint posts with her husband, who also works in the FCO. She’s positive about the FCO and feels the job is a “two way street”- if you are committed then the organisation will seek to help you.

There are still, however, lingering issues in such an environment. She points out that there’s a definite change of dynamic whenever a woman appears at an event; she is always noticed and the men do not seem so “chummy” anymore, though in my opinion this is probably a good thing. 

So what was her most enjoyable experience in her job? She loved living in Oman, Jordan. The views of the city, variety of landscape, the Red and Dead Seas just short drives from where she was living, she found the country open and the Jordanians very friendly.

I asked her of the practical work an Ambassador does on the job  – such as testing out contingency plans. Is there any point in preparing for an emergency, when you don’t know what it may be? Dr Aron says they are very realistic, sometimes verging on the terrifying. However, looking at her calm and friendly demeanor throughout our meeting, it is hard to see how such a woman could ever lose her cool.

When asked about building relationships with other countries, she adopts a serious tone in her voice. It is obvious she is passionate and professional in what she believes in and says that we need to improve relations with countries like Iran. She thinks we need to “build on areas of common ground”, as although western values are not always universal, if we can engage countries we can learn from them and pass on our own experiences. Dr Aron is persuasive throughout her interview, as under the combination of professional experience and friendliness she has a strong persona that has made her the highest ranking female Ambassador in the FCO.

On parting from her, she embarks on a day of talks in Oxford- hopefully I won’t be the only one who leaves with the impression that she is a fantastic representative of the FCO, as both an inclusive working environment and a diverse and stimulating career.