Saturday 26th July 2025
Blog Page 2071

How the Left was won

0

This week’s apparent coup, catalysed by the incendiary email sent to Labour MPs from former Ministers Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon, has been derided from all sides – both Left and Right – as another example of Gordon Brown’s weak leadership and his inability to control a divided party in the crucial months before an election. The case against the agitators is obvious: they have exposed the deep dissatisfaction with Gordon Brown even within his own party, yet done so in such a cack-handed manner that no credible alternative has stood to replace him. However, in retrospect, its impact may not have been nearly as bad for the Labour Party as some have argued.

The first reason why the coup might well prove an unexpected boon for the Labour party is that it has provided a crucial opportunity for the centrists in the cabinet to assert themselves. In the febrile few hours between the release of the letter to the general public, and the eventual announcements of ministerial loyalty to Mr Brown, several key concessions were eked out. Brown is seen by his supporters as a man of principle, and by his detractors as a relentless Stalinist. Either way, most would agree that once his mind is set on an idea, he is largely intractable on the issue. Over the past few months, Brown has had his ear bent increasingly by the overbearing Ed Balls, an old ally from Brown’s Treasury days. With Ed Miliband, another of Brown’s key collaborators, effectively sidelined by his role in writing Labour’s next manifesto, the insidious influence of Balls has been able to grow.

It is Balls who is seen as behind the publicised drive from Labour to “sure up the core vote”: by directing policy announcements and soundbites towards the less-well-off. This move is ostensibly reactionary. It represents an inward-looking Labour party, shying away from the Middle Classes who Tony Blair so successfully wooed with his brand of aspirational socialism. A party that seeks to represent the country should do so by appealing to as wide a selection of the public as possible. Contrary to the contentions of those who favour the Balls strategy, this is possible to do without compromising Labour’s values of social justice and equality of opportunity. Blair showed that it is possible for the Middle Classes to care about those who are less well off than them, and today’s Labour party should not be afraid of doing the same.

The coup allowed Jack Straw, a man who has seen more elections than most in the cabinet, and the irrepressible Peter Mandelson, amongst others, to steer Brown away from this regressive and highly damaging electoral policy. It barely mattered that the coup itself never looked like getting off the ground. The point was that Brown and his inner-circle were sufficiently panicked in the period immediately after Hoon and Hewitt’s announcement that they granted the wishes of the Cabinet’s centrists. Some might suggest that it is a mark of Brown’s diminution in power within his cabinet that he was unable, this time, to exact the endorsement of his colleagues on pain of dismissal, in the manner that he did after James Purnell’s resignation last year.

‘Hoon and Hewitt’s actions have ended up not so much as creative destruction, but rather causing a controlled forest fire.’

But this is precisely where the genius of the Hoon/Hewitt coup lay. By creating a storm in a teacup, they were able to give dissatisfied senior Ministers an opportunity to exact their demands from Brown, without fear of any recrimination. Because the coup itself was so low-key, Brown had no ability to strong-arm key Ministers into rushed statements of loyalty. The upshot of this is that Labour’s election strategy has been wrested from the clutches of Ed Balls and back towards the centre – where Labour stands most chance of success.

The second benefit of the coup is that it effectively puts paid to the prospect of any further leadership challenges prior to the election. The waters have been tested, and found to be distinctly lukewarm. Given the lack of support for the prospect of even an internal leadership ballot, it is inconceivable that any of Brown’s rivals would now launch a further attack. Gordon Brown can now concentrate on running the country, and fighting an election campaign.

The coup itself might have ostensibly appeared a damp squib, but the positive reverberations may continue to be felt well into the new year for the Labour Party. Hoon and Hewitt’s actions have ended up not so much as creative destruction, but rather causing a controlled forest fire. The momentary mayhem instigated by their letter has avoided any future challenges in the run up to the election, and in fact enabled Labour’s centrists to steer the party back towards a far more intelligent electoral strategy – whether they meant it to or not.

 

Paris, je t’aime!

0

The Eiffel Tower, Leonardo’s Mona Lisa, patisseries. Paris conjures up images of iconic design and elegance, whether it’s delicious pastries or buildings. Topshop captures this classic simplicity with the new S/S10 Parisienne collection. Polka dots and stripes adorn outfit staples (pair the Premium Stripe Shorts, £35, with some opaques until the spring), with ruffles adding frivolity to skirts and tops; my favourite is the Polka Dot Frill Umbrella, £15. The pieces live up to their tag of ‘ladylike cool’, whilst offering plenty of easy-to-wear pieces. Try a simple logo tee (check out Topper’s Paris Stripe Motif Tee, £20) with slim leg trousers and -of course!- some ballet flats. Think Jean Seberg’s pixie hairdo and New York Herald Tribune tee in Un Bout de Souffle.

With colour, opt for a classic palette of punchy red, navy and crisp white or cream. Or, if you’re feeling brave despite the current winter wonderland, nod towards the S/S 2010 collections with candy floss tones and hints of frosted pastels. To hark back to the Louis Vuitton A/W09-10 collection, add skinny belts, ribbons and bag (or even the bunny ears, if you dare!) in black to accent the muted ice-cream tones and keep the look modern. Root out any lacy tops etc – the ‘underwear as outerwear’ trend resurfaces in the spring – there were corsets-a-plenty at the Dior show, with ever-so-slightly Bridget Jones-esque high waisted knickers at Alexander Wang. Not convinced you can strut about dressed Lady Gaga-style down Broad Street? Topshop’s fun Spotty Frill Bandeau Bra, £16, is just the ticket peeking out from under a camisole or simple LBD.

This week’s top trois picks from the collection:

1.Spotty Crepe Crop Top, £28 – Throw on a boxy jacket and then peel off the layers when it starts to de-frost. Rummage around charity shops and try Reign Wear on Cowley Road for the finishing touches; silk neck scarf and maybe a little beret. Tres chic!

2.RUE Parisian Elastic Sandals, £65 – nude with accents of black and a somewhat impractical heel height? Yes please! These leather beauties will add glamour to the simplest outfit.

3.Eiffel Tower Chain Belt, £30 – The signature of the City of Lights miniaturized. An investment that’ll add playful interest night and day: wear with a crisp dress or layered over a long line cardigan.

For sugary-toned inspiration (and hey you probably already have the bicycle) see the Miss Dior Chérie perfume advert directed by Sofia Coppola:

 

 

xx

 

35 years since: Blood on the Tracks

0

‘A lot of people tell me they enjoy that album. It’s hard for me to relate to that. I mean, it, you know, people enjoying the type of pain, you know?’

That is Dylan’s take on this album. It’s true, ‘enjoy’ does seem an odd word to use. But having said that, I would say that it’s his best. Which kind of pain his he talking about? It is possible that he’s talking about Chekov’s short stories, as he maintains. It seems likely that it might be the break-up of his marriage, although this he denies. I won’t speculate too much. Whatever his inspiration, he doesn’t half deal with his subject matter well.

It’s not something which was new to Dylan – classic early songs like ‘Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright’ and ‘It Ain’t Me Babe’ offer musically beautiful yet bitter insights into failing relationships – but you get the feeling that he wasn’t exactly in love to start with. On Blood on the Tracks he more fully captures the conflicting emotions of a collapsing love – often in the same song. The bitterness is not gone, especially in songs like ‘Idiot Wind’, (‘you hurt the ones that I loved best, and covered up the truth with lies/one day you’ll be in the ditch, flies buzzing around your eyes/Blood on your saddle’) but even here, juxtaposed with pain, there is regret: ‘You’ll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above/And I’ll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love/And it makes me feel so sorry.’ The melancholic mixture of bitterness and regret permeates the album, yet, while it is certainly thematically unified in this way, each song has its own individual colouring. ‘Tangled Up In Blue’ is an energetic and intense opener, which gives away to the dreamy yet regretful ‘Simple Twist of Fate’; ‘You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go’ seems upbeat but the title betrays a sense of loss, and ‘Meet Me In The Morning’ is full on blues. In ‘Shelter From The Storm,’ Dylan created the most engaging and poignant song possible using just three chords. And the album closes with ‘Buckets of Rain’ and guitar-work showcasing real dexterity not normally associated with the singer-songwriter.

‘Dylan strikes the perfect balance by creating an album which is unified, but without being samey’

It could have been so different. Originally recorded in New York in September 1974, the entire album was recorded in Open E tuning, with sparse instrumentation. Many of these versions are undoubtedly beautiful. I especially like the New York versions of ‘Tangled Up In Blue’ and ‘Idiot Wind’. But when considering what makes an album consistently engaging, it is hard to argue that the original version would have been. Had five of the songs not been rerecorded in Minnesota, the album would have been overbearingly poignant, and perhaps quite bland; many of the original songs used the the same chords and similar musical phrasings. Moreover, songs like ‘Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts’ and ‘If You See Her, Say Hello’ actually unarguably benefit from being revisited. Had only these two been rerecorded, and others left alone, they would have been anomalous. As it is, Dylan strikes the perfect balance by creating an album which is unified, but without being samey. ‘Tangled Up In Blue’ and ‘Idiot Wind’ lent themselves to the energy which the Minnesota musicians give them – the NY versions aren’t ‘better’ per se, just different. On an album level, the change was needed. Listening to the five which were left alone and not rerecorded, for example, ‘Simple Twist of Fate’ and ‘Shelter From the Storm’, you can here echoes of one in the other, they’re in the same key, there’s the occasional same descending chord progression, etc. In its released version, this is effective. If you could hear such similarities across all the songs however, it might have been a bit tedious.

‘He rarely gives the impression of giving a damn about anything, but here he clearly does’

But Dylan’s BEST album? What about Highway 61 Revisited, when he unambiguously shed his folkster-spokesperson persona? Blonde on Blonde, where his acid tongue was unleashed across rock’s first double-album? The biblical references of John Wesley Harding, the singing voice of Nashville Skyline, which, rarely for Dylan, is actually pleasant? The underrated Love and Theft? Desire? The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan? Christmas in the Heart? Maybe not the last one. But he’s made a lot of phenomenally good albums. How can this be definitively set apart? Obviously, it is ultimately a personal judgement. But for me, it is so refreshing to hear Dylan being genuinely heartfelt. He rarely gives the impression of giving a damn about anything, but here he clearly does. I

find it hard to see how the collapse of his marriage to Sara Dylan didn’t affect the writing of this album, not necessarily because of a close similarity in events described in the songs to reality (although his son has said ‘The songs are my parents talking’), but because he so perfectly manages to capture the conflicting emotions involved when a love is falling apart. You won’t find him snidely commenting about brand-new leopard-skin pill-box hats here. There is bitterness. But also love, and also loss. He said of Highway 61 Revisited that “I’m not gonna be able to make a record better than that one… Highway 61 is just too good. There’s a lot of stuff on there that I would listen to.” Well, he never did lack self-confidence. But then he went and made an album which went further, and was too moving, too painful, too powerful for even himself to handle. Which, given his persona, makes it quite something.

 

 

Eye Candy: Coats

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alex, 2nd year, history student

Alex’s fashion statement:“The coat was a Christmas present from my parents. It was a bit of an investment but it’s going to be one of those things that you’ll wear the rest of your life. I’m certainly appreciating it’s warmth at the moment.”

 

The cold weather has brought out coats in all shapes and forms, colours and prints and particularly materials. Primark’s full emergence into High Street fashion just under 5 years ago meant that we could even follow fashions with our coats; from the pussy-cat bow to the trapeze fit, cheaper coats meant stylish outerwear. However the recent cold snap means quality over quantity, and coats from hard-wearing countrywear brands such as Barbour and Chrysalis England (see above), has seen a rise in popularity amongst the fashion conscious and weather-bracing. Whilst fashion always encourages you to embrace your own style and often colour, browns, greens, navy and black are key to getting the right countryside feel. Whilst it might be a bit of a chunk from the student loan, in the coming months (and years!), it’ll certainly be worth it: just keep it classic.

Poetry and public prudishness

0

1963 may well have been the year it all happened for Philip Larkin. But what of the loss in British prudishness which that year was also supposed to have heralded? Last year saw a nominee for the position of Professor of Poetry, Derek Walcott step down from the race, his chief rival – and indeed the eventual victor, Ruth Padel – having surreptitiously leaked stories of past sexual indiscretions to the press. Although Padel may have subsequently resigned, the position remains tainted, and electoral reforms are proposed for early 2010. Since the days of the banning of Lady Chatterly’s Lover and The Well of Loneliness, the often pornographic content of novelists’ and poets’ literary works has become widely acceptable. In light of the controversy surrounding the last contest for the Professor of Poetry, it seems that the acceptance of the actions of the authors themselves has some way to go.

“when did a priapic tendency count against someone being a celebrated poet”

The email in question, it emerged in May 2009, informed reporters of six pages detailing Walcott’s alleged actions in a book imaginatively titled “The Lecherous Professor”. Sure, it looks like Walcott, in the 1970s, did make some completely inappropriate comments to female students. But hang on a minute, when did a priapic tendency count against someone being a celebrated poet? Though Walcott has come under strong criticism for his libidinous ways, he is certainly not the first writer to whom this has happened. We hardly need to look far back into our literary past to see that rather than being the shameful exception, this is rather the norm with as regards our greatest poets.

Take the Romantics for example. Whilst at Trinity College, Cambridge, the “mad, bad, and dangerous to know” Byron began a relationship with a 15 year-old choir boy John Edelston. His adult life was embroiled with numerous scandals, including an affair with the married Lady Caroline Lamb. He was also reputed to have sired the daughter of his half-sister Augusta Leigh. In 1810, he is said to have offered £500 for a twelve-year old girl. This was turned down. In 1815 he left England altogether, after rumours of incest and sodomy were circulated.

The fate of Letitia Elisabeth Landon (better known as L.E.L) might perhaps be seen as a counter-part to Byron’s colourful life and death. Her poetry in the 1820s achieved critical acclaim, but she was hamstrung by accusations of having had pre-marital sex. Her suicide in 1838 is seen as a result of the anguish suffered in virtue of this.

“So far from being a mark of shame, these types of allegations ought to be a badge of honour for poets”

Perhaps the most notorious poetic figure to fall foul of public prudishness was Oscar Wilde. A famously-flamboyant bisexual, his time at Magdalen College was spent adorning his room with peacock feathers, sunflowers and lilies – rather than engaging in the more traditional “gentlemanly” endeavours of rugby or cricket. A fellow student wrote that Wilde’s poetry “eclipses masculine ideals [and that] under such influence men would become effeminate dandies”. In the end, Wilde’s downfall was brought about by the father of one of his male lovers. After fighting an ultimately unsuccessful libel case against the Earl of Queensbury, he was imprisoned for two years hard labour, after being convicted of “gross indecency” with other men. Wilde had originally taken offence at Queensbury’s leaving of a calling card at Wilde’s London Club, describing him as a “Posing Somdomite” [sic].

So far from being a mark of shame, these types of allegations ought to be a badge of honour for poets. That doesn’t mean that Walcott shouldn’t be admonished for his inappropriate comments and actions to female colleagues and students in the past. There’s nothing to show that Walcott continues to hold derogatory views towards women; the position might be different if he did. The real point is that sexual dalliances shouldn’t be seen as precluding someone from being held in poetic esteem.

Ruth Padel may well be an accomplished poet. It’s a shame she decided to use such disgusting tactics to depose her closest rival. And it’s an even greater shame that they almost worked.

 

Interview: Larry Lamb

0

It’s been quite a year for Larry Lamb. He got married to Barbara Windsor, was brutally murdered in the Vic on Christmas Day, and had his nipples massaged by Rob Brydon at the beach the following Bank Holiday Monday. Of course, all this was in the name of starring in two of the highest rated shows on British TV this Christmas – as Mick in BBC One’s Gavin & Stacey and as Archie in EastEnders.

As he touches down into 2010, he will begin his first UK tour, An Evening With Larry Lamb. He’s not acting, singing or doing stand-up like most people on the circuit, but touring with just his personality and experiences as back up. And after having chatted with this charming, interesting, disarmingly down-to-earth man, I get the impression that’s all he’ll need.

Lamb, 62, is perhaps best known as best known for his role Archie Mitchell, the Machiavellian father and grandfather in EastEnders who came to a nasty end in the traditional Christmas denouement in 2009. Throughout the past eighteen months, he has been smouldering on our screens with a succession of high-profile storylines, including an ill-fated marriage to Barbara Windsor’s character, matriarch Peggy Mitchell, and his plot to conquer Albert Square with the scheming Janine Butcher.

But when he started out “quite by chance” in professional acting, he had no idea of the heights to which his career on the small screen would soar.

“I started out, I have to say, with really no knowledge at all of what being a professional actor was all about. I really had no idea.

“The transition from an amateur to a professional was very shocking, very shocking! You know, because if you’re an amateur actor, and you’re any good, you can play leading roles. I remember when I was first hired as an actor, and I didn’t quite know what I would be playing. And I was talking to a guy that I’d been an amateur actor with, and I was mulling over the possible roles I might get. The play was Hamlet. And I was kind of saying: “You never know, they might want me to play Hamlet, I’m so brilliant.”

“But of course, it ain’t quite like that. You figure, you’ve been given the role of Voltimand, a courtier at Elsinore, and the role of the Norwegian sea captain – and you think, well, I wish I had a bit more. But once you watch the professionals on stage in rehearsals, you realise you’re very lucky to have a part at all, and you’re probably better off with less rather than more. It was a bit of a wake-up, shall we say, when I was finally with the pros.”

I wonder whether the boot is on the other foot now; after all, Lamb is now a veteran actor, with years of experience in the industry. Does he find himself leading the way for his younger colleagues?

“That’s an interesting question. Actors are pretty, shall we say, self-made people. They’re pretty determined. And you may find that people are watching what you do, but not many of them are up for being taught, per se. I think actors are the sort of people who like to learn on their terms. So, now and again people will ask you about something. All you can do is try and help people if they ask you, if you get the opportunity.”

Lamb’s career has taken him in many directions; he has had roles spanning film, theatre and, of course, television, and he’s still not quite sure where his allegiances lie.

“I haven’t worked in the theatre now for probably two and a half years. I miss it a bit I suppose, which is unusual for me to say, because the regularity of the theatre, eight shows a week, week after week after week, tends to drive me insane after a few months. But then, when you’re working in television, you can rather miss it. And then when you’re working in theatre, you think, Christ, I’d love to have a TV series. So, kind of backwards and forwards between television and theatre really.”

Fame has undoubtedly changed his life, but Lamb believes that it is just part of the job, and is generally a positive thing.

“It does change your life, there’s no doubt about it, your profile changes completely. It’s happened to me in the past, earlier on in my career, when I’ve been in popular TV shows twenty or thirty years ago. But to be on EastEnders now, when it is so big and so widely viewed, it certainly comes a little bit of a surprise, especially when you realise how widely the audience is spread.”

He has strategies for keeping a low profile whilst out and about, and they don’t involve Victoria Beckham-style sunglasses or security. “You just have to be careful. You just have to make sure you’ve got a hat on, your collar’s up, you’ve got a scarf on, don’t talk too loud and then you can scoot around. You are recognised, it’s part of the job. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!”
Lamb sounds genuinely excited to be hitting the road for his new show.

“Yes, just to talk to people, you know, and tell them about what’s happened to me over the years. This all came out of me telling stories to people sitting around…next thing you know I’m doing a one-man show!

“That’s great for me because whenever I’ve been around the country in theatre, the one day of the week that really works for me is the one where the audience in the theatre stay back and talk to the cast. And I really enjoy that, so this is a chance to do that every night.”

Did he ever envisage this career, which he fell into in the first place, going as far as it has done?

“Well, I am the eternal optimist! When I set off, I knew I wanted to escape and I knew I wanted to make a life, I didn’t know how that was going to happen. It was all a big dare, really. I just kept daring myself to keep going.”
Lamb acknowledges that the entertainment industry can be a cruel one to start off in.

“It is a ruthless industry. The thing is, there’s so much competition. I had no idea of this. There are probably sixty or seventy thousand actors in London. And only 10 per cent of them are in work. I think if I’d have had any idea of how competitive it was I might have just had a few more second thoughts about it!” he laughs. “I don’t know. But I had no idea, I’d never met an actor, I had no idea what it was all about.”

His advice to the aspiring thespians currently treading the boards at Oxford is typically practical and straightforward.

“The best way to really understand how incredibly competitive the entertainment business is, if you fancy yourself as an actor, my advice is to get yourself as many auditions with as many drama schools as you can. That will give you and idea of the competition; you’ll see what you’re up against.

For Larry, the past two years have been hectically busy, but he confirms that working on two flagship shows has been just as fun as it seems on the special features.

“Yeah it is. Really, I like being in a regular job. The one thing about being an actor is you drift; you’re a gypsy, from job to job. Turning up to be the visiting baddie or father or lawyer or doctor or something in a TV series; it’s not always the most satisfying thing for me, but it’s part of being a jobbing actor.

“To be involved with a long job, to be involved in the planning and seeing the whole thing through, I find that very satisfying. So to have been involved in two really important, really powerful, really successful shows, simultaneously, has been just a huge gift.

“I’m sad to see them go. But went into EastEnders for six months; I finished up being there 18 months. I had no idea Archie was going be who Archie ended up being.

“It would have been a bit boring watching him sitting round the Vic week after week plotting! That was the writers’ point; the only way to make this story as big as it can be was for Archie to leave with as big a bang as he came in with.”

And despite being the victim of the crime, Lamb doesn’t know the answer to the question on every EastEnders viewer’s lips at the moment: who killed Archie Mitchell?

“They said to me do you want to know? I said I don’t want to, I’d rather not know. I don’t know why people want to know these things!”
The shock revelation of the whodunit will be broadcast live from the BBC’s Elstree studios on Friday February 19, during EastEnders’ 25th anniversary episode, when the show will be broadcast live for the first time ever. And will Lamb be watching to find out?
“I certainly will be. Actually – funnily enough – ha – you ask me that, I won’t be! I’m going to be in a theatre in Blackburn, doing my show! So I’ll have to scoot back to the hotel and see it afterwards!”

To book tickets, visit www.livenation.co.uk

 

Going Up Going Down

0

Going Up

Ellie Goulding

Topped the BBC’s ‘Sound of 2010 List’ which is the list of the best rising music stars coming into the new year, picked by 165 key music critics, broadcasters and bloggers. Previous winners include Little Boots, Adele, Mika and Corinne Bailey Rae.

Getting Fit

Let’s all pretend we’ll keep to our rash new year’s resolutions for a little longer – and LA Fitness will help you on your way with a free 5-day pass. Go on, it’s not that far…

Wellingtons

The Wellington boot is here to stay- or at least while the snow is out. Fashionable (ish) and practical, what’s not to love? Its Glastonbury’s 40th this year and Festival Chic will be everywhere. Best rubber foot forward!

Tinted Moisturiser

The Wellington boot is here to stay- or at least while the snow is out. Fashionable (ish) and practical, what’s not to love? Its Glastonbury’s 40th this year and Festival Chic will be everywhere. Best rubber foot forward!

Going Down:

Snow

Right now we’re

not a fan of anyone who was dreaming of a white Christmas. Yes, it’s a bit grinchy to hate it, but we can only fall over so many times before we start to lose our sense of humour.

The iPhone

Apple’s dominance could be heading for an end. Google’s Nexus One launches soon, a cheaper and reportedly better equipped pretender to the King of Gadgets’ throne.

Jonathan Ross

After the license fee payer forked out millions for his increasingly mediocre prescence, the BBC and Ross have finally parted ways – not just on screen but on the radio aswell. Will he be missed?

Sports

The majority of fixtures in football and rugby have been postponed by the big freeze, though the cricket in South Africa is, unsurprisingly, unaffected. Not that you’d catch us outside in our lycra anyway…

 

 

Underneath Barbie’s burqa

0

“I can be anything, from a rock star to a race-car driver, and so can you!”, squeals Barbie as I visit her cyber walk-in-wardrobe. Unfortunately, it would seem that Barbie’s version of the American dream extends only to those who weigh 110lbs (7.9 stone) or less. If Barbie were a human woman, she would stand tall at 5 feet 9 inches, rendering her size-3 feet quite inadequate for balance – especially when taking her F-cup breasts into consideration. When the figures are laid bare, it seems clear that Barbie’s belongs to a fantasy world. But the truth is that Barbie is very much a part of the real world too, and she symbolises generations of women striving to be ‘beautiful’.

Courtney E Martin, author of Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters writes, “our bodies work on their own success/failure scale. We can work 4 years to get a degree, but can be failures in an instant, once we step onto scales.” Such a sentiment will not be a surprise to most Western women who will have felt the inescapable pressure to be smoother, flatter, huskier, and poutier, and then the inevitable disappointment when their bodies don’t comply. From the corsets of times past which made fainting a hobby, to the Monolo pinkie toe amputations of today, women have a long history of enduring pain to be ‘beautiful’, and society has a long history of encouraging that. It is within this framework, where women are willing to lose dangerous amounts of weight and actual body parts in order to be validated as ‘beautiful’ that the potential danger of a Barbie doll is nurtured.

In 1965, 6 years after Barbie was born, Mattel released ‘Sleepy Time Gal Barbie’ who was decked out in pink pajamas and eager for slumber party fun. Her sleep-over accessories consisted of scales pegged to 110lbs and a dieting handbook with one page of advice that read, “don’t eat.” In the politically correct age of baa baa rainbow sheep we may feel safe to assume that modern products will not so diligently demonstrate the double standards of real life directly to vulnerable children. But we’d be wrong in that assumption.

Finding examples is not difficult. Bratz, our favourite ethnically diverse and arousing dolls seem to win but the Bratz offshoot dolls, ‘Babyz’, take the trend of sexualising pre-pubescent females to a whole new level by presenting actual baby versions of the dolls in a nappy, bra and make-up, with bottles of milk dangling from their necks and swinging by their thighs. Meanwhile, the hair removing product, ‘Nair’ has released ‘Nair Pretty’ with a target market of 10-15 year olds. My personal favourite find (one of those which goes into life’s ‘only in America’ category) is a pair of pink children size knickers sold at Walmart which ask “who needs credit cards..?” across the infant vagina. Suddenly Barbie’s quite an attractive prospect in more ways than one!

Where does all of this fit into an era that boasts of women’s liberation – a time that some even have the nerve to refer to as ‘post-feminist’? One thing we do know is that with the increase of women fulfilling roles of power and influence, has come an increase in women ready to use that power to keep other women and girls enslaved in timeless beauty rituals. In 2006 Ariel Levy wrote ‘Female Chauvinist Pigs’, to draw attention specifically to women’s roles in perpetuating this beauty myth. That’s why when Kate Moss said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” she was not simply irresponsible, she showed herself to be a queen pig.

Barbie celebrated her 50th birthday in 2009 (I know, she’s aged well) and as part of the celebrations 500 dolls were made to represent different global cultures and auctioned at Sotheby’s to raise money for Save the Children. Among the dolls was one in a hijab and trousers and another in a vermilion green burqa. This decision prompted a predictable onslaught of anti-Islamic rhetoric, feminist outrage with the prestigious New York State National Organisation of Women (NOW) stating, “women must be able to make their own choices… but the burqa is more than a choice. Women are forced to wear the burqa or risk being murdered… selling a doll that is clearly wearing a symbol of violence is not acceptable.” However, calling for an unequivocal ban on the doll misses an important point (just as when Saudi Arabia outlawed the sale of Barbies in 2003). For the hundreds of women who are being hidden and abused under ‘Islamic’ dictatorship every day, there is a woman who is wearing her burqa on Oxford Street. For every feminist who believes that modest dress restrictions can be a personal choice but that they place a burden on some women to cover up rather than men to avert their gaze, there is a feminist who feels empowered by Islam and freedom in her modesty. Just how feminist is it to pacify her?

I was raised by a woman who was empowered by a non-alcoholic cocktail of both feminism and Islam. It’s not as simple as the donning of a hijab or the outlawing of Barbie dolls (in fact my mother doesn’t feel it necessary to cover her head to be modest, and I had my fair share of Barbies). The day I saw my mum stop a stranger at the market and complement her weave was formative in teaching me that through loving my own body I need never begrudge another woman’s beauty and in fact I ought to celebrate it.

I am no Barbie. My body is big enough to house all of my vital organs, I like it when my outfits clash and when I say I’m having a ‘bad hair day’ I am usually referring to my moustache. Unless my genes skip a generation, I don’t think my future daughter will resemble a Barbie either. Yet, would I buy her one if she asked? Absolutely. Whether she chooses one in a bikini or a burqa, it will probably end up wrapped in tin foil on a space mission, or if my child takes after me, naked and bald in the microwave. Regardless of what inspires women to fight against what society expects of them, be it religion, politics, literature or a friendship, it’s the lifestyle changes real women stick by which ultimately influence our daughters – not plastic dolls. Empowering girls to love their bodies is not a child’s play.

 

Fine Dining: Gastropub

0

The Cadogan Arms calls itself a gastropub, but there’s far more of an emphasis on the ‘gastro’ bit than there is on the pub. This isn’t one of those hearty Oxfordshire gastropubs wit

h sixty eight different local ales on tap and a landlord who’d drown you in a specially-aged oak cask if you so much as asked for a Carlsberg. This is basically a restaurant, complete with waiter-service and free bread, where, if your father’s hedge fund has just collapsed, you can opt for a pint of cider instead of exploring the three-figure end of the wine list (Dom Perignon 2000, £150, or £20 for a boggo 08 Sauvignon).

It is almost obligatory in restaurant columns now to take a blonde with you when you go for a meal. I couldn’t find one in time, so had to settle for a sort of pale brunette with highlights, but she was at least good company, and willing to indulge me in my vaguely dictatorial policy on menu choices (I order the nice stuff, you order the ‘interesting’ stuff that will probably make for good copy later). She came, however, with the disadvantage of being an old schoolmate of our waitress. What do you do in that situation? How do you sit haughtily at the table while the girl who used to sit next to you in double maths takes your coat and tops up your water? (While you’re silently thinking that this is what she gets for constantly texting her boyfriend under the table while you diligently studied for your exams). Are you supposed to tip her as you leave? In the end, they both solved the problem in the time-honoured English manner: ten seconds of awkward small talk followed by studiously avoiding meeting each-other’s eyes for the rest of the meal.

Awkward waitress gone, I started with a partridge and guinea fowl terrine drizzled with truffle oil (which, by the way, is a pointless gimmick nothing like real truffles; don’t fall for it), which was fine, not seven pounds fifty fine, but fine. My not-quite-blonde companion had a ‘half pint o’prawns,’ which is basically a faux-hearty gastropub way of saying prawn cocktail, the ones that used to be served everywhere in the ‘80s, except this one came in an old-fashioned beer mug (as if to jokily point out that, despite the presence

of Dom Perignon on the wine list, the Cadogan Arms used, once upon a time, to be a real, honest-to-god boozer, complete with beer and everything).

It’s hard to mess prawns up, given that you don’t really need to do anything to them except plonk them in a va

t of mayonnaise and s

hredded lettuce, but these ones were well plonked. Then gnocchi for her (my dictatorial side had withered by this point) and half a lobster for me, which was stupendous, soft and moist, with the taste of salt and muscle and decadence, and some average chips on the side.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the transformation of the British pub. A few years ago, pubs gave you pie and chips and lager for a tenner, but the modern version serves lobster and chips and champagne with a tenner’s change from two fifty pound notes. This is the King’s Road version of progress. You just have to remember to concentrate in your maths lessons first.

Rating: 3/5
In Short: Who knew beer goes with lobster?
Address: 298 King’s Road, London, SW3 5UG