Thursday, May 22, 2025
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Mirror’s Edge

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Great games change the way your brain works. Indeed, every GTA-related murder only pushes the game higher in my mental rankings. And if you hear people musing thoughtfully about how they could probably get a decent grip on the stonework around Exam Schools, they’ve probably been playing Mirror’s Edge.

ME is basically Parkour: The Game. Parkour is the French sport of unrestrained urban movement; appropiately, ME has you vaulting, rolling and wall-running across the urban jungle – much like the opening scene of Casino Royale. Or The Matrix. You play Faith, one of these ‘Runners’, trying to bring down a dystopian puppet-master through subversive rebellion. Not dissimilar to 1984. Or The Matrix. The combat pits you against both easily-overpowered rent-a-cops and equally acrobatic anonymous agents. Like… Jet Li’s The One? Sort of, but mostly like The Matrix.

Recently, I raised the point that games succeed when they imitate good films or books but don’t try directly to be the same thing. The Matrix makes people say “I want to do that”, and ME makes it feel like you are. Context-sensitive controls chain moves together; jump to the building, scale the fence, vault the pipes, slide under the ventilation shaft, and top it off with running across a wall. Stylish.

And it’s fun. Once you get the hang of it, you start seeing multiple routes,and adapting them to fit your tactics. The gunplay is a bit flat but it’s far more entertaining to run loops round enemies before nipping through an unprotected exit. The only problem, in fact, is it being a little too easy sometimes. Not ‘easy’, perhaps, but the areas aren’t as free as they seem to be.

Clearly the totalitarian school of architecture was big on ledges and overhangs. It was also an employer of lazy builders: the number of planks left hanging over the edge of buildings and high-grip material nailed to the walls implies that someone’s playing silly buggers.

This doesn’t change the fact that Mirror’s Edge is one of the best games this year. Unmissable. Go out and buy it.

 

The Bowden Column

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So television, eh? Last week I was away at a TV studio, the closest I’ve been to a television in all these eight weeks. A “studio” is the place where the singular noun, “lie”, becomes the plural, “TV shows”. And everyone, by law, should have to spend a day in one, firstly to see the work needed to get the light down the TV tubes in the first place. If you see fire, some poor sod’s spent a night picking which brand. There are two blokes just to help Noel Edmonds with the sudoku. If you don’t get the sheer level of artificiality, consider this: the average University Challenge team spends twenty minutes in makeup. They might look pretty, but that’s not the point: you might as well put Dictionary Corner in Britain’s Next Top Model.

But more than anything, a day in a studio lends a unique future’s-eye view of the mire into which British TV is due to plop. One room along was the Jeremy Kyle Show, filming the daily rants of the man with a near-religious conviction in the healing power of DNA. It pops up so often, you wonder if he’s on commission for DNA itself: maybe if he mentions it 80 times a show, it’ll twist him a new soul? Yet he’s so assured of his own shining righteousness, it’s a surprise he doesn’t bark his shape-up-or-kill-yourself orders to the tune of What If God Was One Of Us? If there’s a test card, it’s of him casually parting a sea.

The next day, in the same studio, it’s Don’t Forget The Lyrics!, a haunting conveyor-belt of Chardonnay-shopgirl chirping, with a format so simple – and crucially, so cheap – that it almost defies review. A song is played. Don’t forget the lyrics! If you forget, you leave. Future hits from Fucking Obvious Productions include Watch The Coin! (a half-hour heads or tails spectacular), Count The Numbers!, and Don’t Forget Your Surname!.

Two things jump out. One: the easier the targets, the simpler the narrative, the better. Because the public has no greater love than, say, hate; the only reason Kilroy Stabs Paedos stays off is because budgets won’t stretch to a penknife. That’s number two: money is a luxury we don’t have, and less money means less originality. More judgement, more anger, more Bingo Night Live. In five years, all ITV will be a 24-hour broadcast called You’re A Twat!: they’ll flash up mugshots of Joe Nobody, and we’ll race to yell a four-letter catchphrase down the phone. Text TWAT to 82299! And when they’re raking in this money, why risk a 30 Rock? A House, a Lost, a 24?

This won’t get better soon. With multichannel TV splitting the ratings, there’s less room for risks than ever. Save the rare gem, the Spookses and Doctor Whos, the UK’s forgotten how to entertain.

To conclude this term on my usual upbeat, forward-thinking note: move to America.

 

The Films of 2008

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This year in Britain started well with a wave of award-winning films from the States. No Country For Old Men, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Juno, There Will Be Blood and Sweeney Todd were all spectacular films. However, the biggest release of the early months was that self-hyped orgy of mystery, Cloverfield, an excellent popcorn film with skyscraper-sized monsters trashing the majority of the United States.

There were quieter releases to be enjoyed. The Orphanage was a magnificent and intelligent thriller. In Bruges shot, swore and brutalised its way to brilliance as one of the funniest comedies for some time. Meanwhile, the stylish animation of Persepolis provided an insightful look at an Iranian woman’s life and identity.

When summer arrived Iron Man was one of the better releases, with an excellent performance from Robert Downey Jr, WALL·E was a wonderful film, as Pixar brought the magic of cinema to the screen for a new generation of film-goers, but the summer belonged to the stunning The Dark Knight which had the performance of the year from the late Heath Ledger.

However, there were disappointments. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was the most crushing of these, as Spielberg created an entertaining if incoherent piece that blew itself apart with a useless title and a mad, alien-filled ending. Prince Caspian was bigger and better than its predecessor but still failed to capture the magic of Narnia. Nevertheless, both of these had more quality behind them than Mamma Mia! – dreadfully embarrassing and so terrible it was impossible not to enjoy, particularly as Meryl Streep blasted away with her rather idiosyncratic singing.

Come autumn the big release was Quantum of Solace, which was a disappointment, though not as bad as it could have been, whilst one of the year’s lowlights was Brideshead Revisited, which was anaesthetically dull and oh-so-terribly stiff upper lip. Hellboy 2 proved to be even worse than the original and was a classic example of a film that you didn’t need to bother watching if you’ve seen the trailer.

There were many surprises, though, particularly later in the year. Keira Knightley delivered a nuanced performance in The Duchess whilst Josh Brolin was magnificent as President Bush in the otherwise unsatisfying W. The Italian gangster film Gomorrah was genuinely impressive, as was the bold Holocaust drama The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas: somewhat over-sentimental but the bleak message still hit home. Waltz with Bashir, an Israeli-made animated documentary, was an incredible, stylish, and moving personal journey through a horrible piece of history.

As for the rest of the year, much anticipated are Australia, which will see Kidman and Jackman smooch their way through a good two-hour epic; Che, featuring Benicio del Toro as the revolutionary hero; and Valkyrie, starring the predictable Tom Cruise (but the latest word is that it has been postponed until next year).

So all in all it has been a rather disappointing year: the summer blockbusters that promised to deliver didn’t , and the Yule tide colossi turned out to be rather small. Bring on 2009.

 

What’s on the box this Christmas?

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Advent is nearly upon us, so like the rest of Oxford, it is high time Cherwell got into the festive mood. And what better way to do this than help our readers get their heads around what constitutes a good Christmas film? So there we are: sipping a glass of mulled wine, sitting in front of a roaring fireplace listening to Frank tell us how he’s got some corn for popping, and flicking through the two week bumper edition of the Radio Times desperately trying to decide what to watch.

Do we opt for Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life, focusing on death, suicide and Christian moralising? Or maybe we wish to watch Scrooge yet again learn that basic human emotions are actually quite enjoyable? Or perhaps a film about a clinically insane man ranting about being Kris Kringle in Miracle on 34th Street? Ultimately, we do want one of the above, as Christmas is not a time for cynicism or critical viewing, but a time for much willing suspension of disbelief and hope that the world can be a nice place, at least for two hours or so.

However, there may be some Christmas classics that have slipped under the radar. Take for example the French film Joyeux Noel, which plays on the heartstrings in a very compelling and moving fashion. It’s set around the World War I Christmas truce, in which a temporary ceasefire was called and British, French and German soldiers came together to celebrate the day Christ was born. Of course, it would not be long before their superiors gave orders to the contrary, but for a short while it was “Joyeux Noël”, “Frohe Weihnachten” and “Merry Christmas” all around. The Shop Around the Corner is rather more light- hearted, a 1940s rom-com starring James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan as the leading couple. Your usual tale of two feisty youths convinced they do not like one another gradually realising that in fact they do. It is arguably the founder of Yuletide rom-com.

A Christmas Carol is perhaps one of the more heartwarming Christmas films, as we watch mean old Ebenezer learn from the error of his ways and become a good person. The best version is of course the one that sees Kermit and Miss Piggy step to the fore with the rest of the Muppets, singing and dancing their way through the various ghostly confrontations.

One does not immediately associate gratuitous violence with Christmas, but the 1984 gore-fest Gremlins proved that the two go together beautifully, and with hilarious consequences. However, scarier than little green knawing monsters is Father Christmas himself gone psycho. So it’s decapitation for the naughty children and survival for the good ones in Silent Night, Deadly Night; a night of terror for the trapped, scantily clad teens in Black Christmas and death-by-snowman in the atrocious Jack Frost. For those who still like violence, but of a more action-packed variety, then Bruce Willis single-handedly taking on a skyscraperload of terrorists all to the sound of merry Christmas tunes proves to be compulsive viewing.

However, sharp-teethed, pint-sized green monsters and big gun-wielding musclemen aside, the title of top Christmas film must go to a wonderfully British rom-com that is actually ten rom-coms in one. Yes, it is Love Actually, filled with enough Colin Firth wetness, Martine McCutcheon chubbiness and big-boobed blonde girls to keep the whole family happy. Providing you can overcome the trademark Keira Knightley letterbox grin and Hugh Grant being cast as a sour Prime Minister, you’ll realise just how funny it is.

 

Lost kids and exploding dogs

Changeling
5 Stars

What just happened?
3 Stars

It is rare to come across a movie which is as beautifully directed, powerfully acted and utterly moving as Clint Eastwood’s Changeling. Not simply another Hollywood blockbuster, it is a breath of fresh air at the cinema.

Screenwriter J. Michael Straczynski masterfully adapts this true-crime story, bringing to life the shocking events which occurred in Los Angeles in 1928 when Walter, the nine-year-old son of Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie), a switch-board operator, goes missing. The LAPD are less than helpful. However after five months they bring Christine, along with the press, to the train station to be reunited with a boy who they claim to be her son.

One problem: this boy is not Walter. Yet instead of the police admitting their mistake, they persuade Christine to take the child home on a ‘trial basis’. Obviously experiencing emotional imbalance at such a time, she must simply be mistaken. Why would the boy call her ‘mother’ if she was anyone else? Sure he may have shrunk two inches and be a little more circumcised than she remembers, but all these changes are perfectly viable, the LAPD doctor assures; he has been missing for five months.

The audience chuckle with incredulity at the ‘professional’ assertions of the doctor, yet any laughter has a somewhat bitter aftertaste when aligned with Jolie’s entirely convincing and heart-rending portrayal of Christine’s helplessness. We watch as she transforms her terror into a relentless personal crusade, exposing the corruption of those in power. The star-studded cast give consistently excellent performances, especially Jolie, whose skill as an actress is really given credit in this non-action-movie role. Apart from one disappointingly cheesy ending line, it is no wonder that Changeling has been nominated for the Golden Palm award for best movie of the year.

What Just Happened? isn’t a spectacularly good film, but neither is it jaw-droppingly bad. It’s an example of the “Hollywood films that satirise Hollywood” genre, ranking above Burn Hollywood Burn but below The Player. Watching it is a bit like watching a boozed-up sixth former stumble through a comedy routine about George Bush: you agree in principle with what’s being said, and there may be moments of comic brilliance, but it’s been done before, with more subtlety, panache and originality.

The film has a number of positive points. The cinematographer, Stéphane Fontaine (The Beat That My Heart Skipped) is excellent, and there are some gorgeously shot scenes.

The acting is uniformly very good. Sean Penn and Bruce Willis play themselves. Robert De Niro stars, fresh from the critical drubbing of Righteous Kill. He plays Ben, a producer attempting to mediate between his studio’s desire to make money and his director’s desire to create Great Art.

Michael Wincott’s show-stealing turn here as the perennially drugged film director is worth the price of entry. He shoots a film which concludes with the execution of both the hero and the hero’s loveable dog. There is a close-up shot of a bullet imploding in the dog’s skull and splattering viscera onto the camera, a shot which effectively also kills Ben’s career as a producer. It is a mark of how bleak the humour of the film is that this is possibly its funniest moment.

Best of all, the script largely avoids obvious laughs and cheap gags, going instead for black, observational humour.

For example, as Ben enters the bathroom after the icy reception of his latest film, he encounters a film critic and asks his professional opinion. A squirming silence ensues. “I liked the soundtrack,” the critic eventually manages. It does have a very good soundtrack.

So we hope that you opt for Angelina Jolie’s star turn in Changeling this week if you want to sink your teeth into something that will prove more thought-provoking, and more entertaining.

 

Cherwell win website of the year award

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Cherwell has won the Guardian Student Media Award for ‘Student Website of the Year’ at the 2008 ceremony.

Cherwell were nominated for the award earlier in the year, along with ‘Student Publication Design of the Year’, which was won by another publication.

On the website award win, former Editor-in-Chief of Cherwell, Henry Clarke Price, said, “It’s a great testament to all the hard work of the Cherwell team over the past year”.

Cherwell’s website was recently re-designed in a new initiative to promote online and multimedia content.

OxStu win

Former Editor of The Oxford Student, Hannah Kuchler, won ‘Student Reporter of the Year’ at the Guardian awards.

She commented, “I’m really happy. I’ve always said OxStu doesn’t print lies”.

Choir football strikes violent note

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The annual choir football tournament was marred by controversy this weekend, with the first red card in the competition’s history.

In the match between Christ Church and Worcester-St Peter’s, a rough challenge by a Worcester player almost resulted in a fight, as one of the Christ Church players pushed over someone from the Worcester team, and threw a punch at him.

The fight was immediately broken up by referee John Murton (Bass, Magdalen). He commented, “The Christ Church player turned what was a minor scuffle over a tackle into a potentially violent situation and for that he had to be sent off.”

One of the other players said: “They were being aggressive all the way through the competition, and much too competitive; not really in the spirit of choir football.”

Lincoln went on to win the competition.

 

Oxford trains were 13 seconds from crash

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Two trains carrying up to 300 people came within thirteen seconds of crashing into each other just outside Oxford.

The First Great Western services between London Paddington and Oxford came close to disaster in August 2007 after one driver failed to stop at a signal.

A report on the incident discovered that his train continued through Didcot Junction without authorisation, narrowly avoiding another service operating in the opposite direction.

According to investigators, “Had the circumstances been slightly different this event could have resulted in the two trains colliding.”

 

The Pillowman Preview

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Trying to approach Martin McDonagh’s The Pillowman as the story of the attempt to uncover the culprit of a series of murders will not do. Nor is it adequate to see the play’s protagonist, Katurian, as something equivalent to Hamlet. This play requires a new audience, a new economy of representation, and new tools of critical interpretation.

For a start, the cliché that the play is set in some vaguely ‘Kafkaesque totalitarian state’ needs a definite rethink. Indeed, the idea of Kafka himself as the novelist of the ‘totalitarian state’ is in itself suspect – it is a reading that stinks of the liberal humanist hypocrisy of comfy American college campuses, and in any case, it offers no help in our understanding of McDonagh’s play. A more effective analysis of The Pillowman needs to account for its rhizomatic quality, its multiplicity of fictions that never quite cohere and which always remain out of joint.

Dan Wilner’s production of The Pillowman therefore comes as a great relief. It seriously engages with the play’s many fictions, working hard to establish both the interpersonal web that forms the base of characterisation, and the provisional nature of Katurian (played by Rory Fazen), a children’s author whose tales of infanticide are eerily mirrored in real life events. Although Fazen’s performance can at times feel flat, the moments when he really gets to grips with the character are rewarding.

The highlight of this production, though, has to be Krishna Omkar and Jacob Lloyd’s ‘good cop/bad cop’ double-act. Revealing a biting comprehension of the rhythm underpinning the interrogation scene, Omkar and Lloyd’s performance shows how an intellectual knowledge of the power relations that structure a dramatic dialogue can be translated into affective acting.

The blocking is well thought out, and works to increase the play’s startling tone; likewise the set-design is purposeful. Wilner has made a good fist of the material McDonagh has provided, making The Pillowman an opportunity to end Michaelmas with a rewarding piece of contemporary theatre.

The Pillowman will be showing at the Burton Taylor Studio from Tuesday to Saturday of 8th week, at 7.30pm.

4 Stars

OUSU elections dogged by technical problems

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Hundreds of students are still waiting to be emailed codes which allow them to vote in OUSU’s annual elections this week.

OUSU staff sent 19,000 emails to students last night, expecting that all would have received the messages (with personalised codes included) by this morning.

However, reports suggest that technical problems have meant that only some emails have been sent out, with hundreds still waiting to be delivered.

The polls close at 6pm on Thursday evening.