Blithering on about how wonderful summer is seems to be a
major vocation in Oxford. The cliché of ‘Pimm’s,
punting and parties’ is hardly fresh and original. Still, it
cannot be denied that summer in Oxford is an ideal time for
relaxation. This is reflected in the sporting options available.
To be suited to summertime, a sport needs to be as relaxed,
stress-free and slow-paced as possible. The reasons for this are
obvious: have you ever tried to play rugby on sun-baked ground?
Summer is a time for relaxed, peaceful pastimes. Cricket, for
example. Or croquet. Or tortoise racing. Tortoise racing probably has a long and distinguished history,
no doubt dating back several centuries to when Sir Herbert
Gufflewhit introduced the first hard-shelled reptile to Oxford in
a fit of port-inspired zaniness, then bought another one and
decided to race them. The casual observer might find such a slow-paced, drawnout
pastime to be something of an anachronism in today’s
quick-fix high-paced world. Granted, the races take ages, but
that’s exactly the fun of it – it gives the spectators
more opportunity to get sozzled on (sigh) Pimm’s. Which, if
we’re frank here, is more or less the point of summer sports
in Oxford. No doubt one day animal rights campaigners will protest at
this cruel tradition, citing scientific ‘evidence’ that
it does horrendous damage to the tortoise’s psyche and
results in all sorts of insecurity issues and inferiority
complexes. Until then, enjoy it. Tortoise racing is
old-fashioned, slow-paced, stuck in the past, and seems to
revolve around getting hopelessly smashed on Pimm’s. How
very Oxford…ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004
Bored this Trinity? Try… Tortoise Racing
