Passe Notes


    That guy at the back of their boat is so fit. And his splash top says “Oxford” on it. This crew
    date is going to be amazing. It’s good to see your habit of getting up at 4:00am to straighten
    your hair before going rowing has clearly paid off. I hate to break it to you, but it’s
    not going to be just you limbering up your stroke, who for future reference sits in the stern
    not the back. The rest of your crew will be there as well, including the random American and
    the Tasmanian graduate who has to go home early as she can’t afford the
    babysitter’s overtime.How do you know about them?Every crew has them. It was realised
    long ago that boats go faster if the hard work is subcontracted out to long-limbed foreign
    galley slaves. Just look at the boat race.I’m so pleased they chose us though, they must
    think we’re all really pretty.Perhaps. Female rowers are usually fit in an athletic rather than
    aesthetic sense, and, like vampires, tend not to do too well in daylight. Given too that the
    attractive girls involved in Oxonian rowing both have boyfriends it may instead have been a
    case of any port in a storm for your boat of suitors. Although, given the inky blackness of a
    pre-dawn outing you did undeniably meet like ships passing in the night. How romantic.Where should we go for it?Tradition dictates that you should invite them to your hall. But
    bear in mind that this is the one night of the week they won’t be on orange squash or
    putting boat before bird, and that for rowers drunk and disorderly is less of a felony and
    more of a pastime. Be prepared too for a boisterous rendition of “I’d rather be at Cambridge
    than at….”, and the eventual realisation that the boys are only interested in one member of
    your crew. And she’s not you.My gown makes me look fat, can we go elsewhere?Jamal’s policy of bring your own booze, and tolerance of the chance you may bring it up
    again later have made them a viable hall alternative. That said any self-respecting eight
    in Oxford is likely to have been banned for some indescribable act of korma related
    violence. All is not lost though as the management seem not to have wised up yet to the fact
    that their regular customers, the Magdalen Third Football XI, only have eight players.What was the greatest ever crew date?Christ Church’s men secured their place in crew date history last year when they obtained
    the company of top jailbait totty Headington Girls School. Sticking to the old rowing adage
    that a bump at speed is a bump indeed, but when she concedes it’s better, the Captain
    had his eyes on a comely sixteen year-old. Unfortunately history does not record whether or
    not her got to Empac-her.ARCHIVE: 3rd week MT 2005


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