Had an unexpected run-in with surly ex-boyfriend in the post-room today – the stale smell of alcohol wafted over to me  before his slightly drunken grin emerged from around the door.

‘It’s 11am,’ I said, not looking at him. ‘How can you still – or possibly already – be drunk?’

He burped and grinned. ‘Had a late one last night’ – the grin morphed into a scowl – ‘yeah, and your mate kicked me out of bed this morning, just because she had a nine o’clock lecture! The..’

But I had gone. All the evidence was there – his night of passion with my evil tute partner, Pert’n’Perky (the same night, incidentally, that he had got me intoxicated enough to let him kiss me before I lost consciousness) had not just been a one-off manoeuvre by Perks to make me jealous. If she was allowing him drunken entrance to her room at four in the morning, perhaps true love was thawing her glacial heart at last.
She was letting herself in for a treat.

I laughed hollowly, and surly ex-boyfriend looked inordinately pleased with himself. He had obviously just made some kind of joke – which, when he was nearing a state of sobriety, was no mean feat.
Patting him rather patronisingly on the shoulder, I left the post-room to head over to my tute, and found Pert’n’Perky waiting outside the door already. There was definite evidence of Touche Eclat under her eyes, and she looked distinctly less chirpy than usual.

‘Late night?’ I asked sympathetically, struggling to hide a wicked grin, as painful memories of surly ex-boyfriend hammering drunkenly on my door in the early hours of the morning came flooding back to me.
Pert’n’Perky looked discomfited. ‘What? Oh…um…not really…’ With visible effort, she pulled herself together and her laser-beam smile snapped on. ‘Gosh, I hope this tute’s not too awkward,’ she cooed, ‘I haven’t done an ounce of work all term – I’m going to be hopeless…’

I nodded serenely. ‘Ah, my ex must have been mistaken then – he said something about you rushing to get to that 9am lecture this morning.’

The gleaming smile faltered slightly, and at that moment – in a coincidence that owed more to divine ordinance than plain chance – Gorgeous Gap Year Fresher walked past. He gave Pert’n’Perky the briefest of nods, and then looked back over his shoulder to throw me a grin.

‘You look nice today,’ he called, as he turned the corner.

Pert’n’Perky’s jaw dropped and I could barely contain my glee, as our tutor chose to open her door at last and I veritably skipped into her study.