‘Drink, pop a pill and then drive home’
Matthew Marsh, History and Politics, Keble
Most people like to drink. Some even like to inebriate themselves so much that they slump into a drunken stupor, awkwardly forget their friends’ names and unknowingly recant the same unfunny repertoire of anecdotes again and again to the same person. Often getting this drunk can be a lot of fun, frequenters of Bar Risa (RIP) will vouch for this. Sometimes the next morning can even be fun; as the fuzzy memory of the previous night requires you to impersonate Sherlock Holmes and solve the mystery of your missing phone/wallet/dignity.
However, drinking alcohol as we do today has its draw-backs. Firstly, the consumption of alcohol fuels many of the ills in society today; drinking plays a role in 65% of suicides and 40% of domestic abuse cases. Secondly, I genuinely believe that hangovers are the second greatest evil ever to plague my life (just loosing out to spawns of Satan- the cast of Loose Women).
So, surely we should welcome the new wonder drug created by some clever science-types over at Imperial College, London. The drug is in essence a synthetic alcohol; it works just like normal alcohol on the nerves that provide a sense of well-being and relaxation.
Scientists hypothesise that they will be able to extract ethanol from alcoholic drinks and replace it with the drug. Thus, one will be able to consume “alcoholic” drinks exactly as we do today – minus their ugliest side affects.
But for me, the greatest advantage of these faux-alcoholic drinks would be one’s ability to instantaneously inhibit the effects of the drugs one has consumed by popping a ‘sober-up’ pill.
The scientists who are developing these drugs highlight the practical importance of a sober-up pill; for example, one would be able to consume alcohol, pop a pill, and then drive home.
But aside the most pragmatic uses of the sober-up pill, I can think of dozens of times I would love to be temporarily intoxicated…invariably awkward conversations would become a breeze as I momentarily sink into a daze of alcohol induced relaxation. In the morning, after a night at one of my favorite haunts, I could take a sober-up pill and get working, instead of my usual hangover routine of lie in. Check Facebook. Check Iplayer. Sleep. Repeat.
In sum, the synthetic alcohol being developed by scientists across Britain has numerous sociological, economic and more superficial advantages. Therein, we should all encourage the development of these wonder drugs through both intellectual and financial support.
‘No one wants a pill that leaves you only mildly tipsy’
Rebecca Gingell, Maths, Magdalen
A toast to Professor David Nutt and his research team at Imperial College, who this week, revealed an alcohol substitute with none of the health risks. Developed from chemicals related to valium, the new drug would eventually be used to replace the alcohol content in beer, wine and spirits. There would even be an instant ‘sober up’ pill.
In principle, I am very much behind the switch. Most alcohol-induced liver diseases occur in social drinkers, not alcoholics. And when an evening’s ‘social drinking’ exceeds the recommended intake for your entire week, it’s reassuring that efforts are being made to combat the most widespread and fatal addiction in the world.
The substitute would mimic the feeling of relaxation and sociability provided by alcohol, and no matter how much was consumed, the drinker would never get drunk.
But therein lies the rub – who’s actually going to drink this nameless, synthetic alcopop that leaves you no more than mildly tipsy? Not the stilton-loving, port-quaffing, ruddy-faced toffs of any soirée I’ve come across. Picture the scene:’Have you tried the 1988 Chateau Cheval Blanc? I highly recommend it.’ ‘I haven’t, sport – I’m on the diazepam this evening.’ Not quite.
Then there is the other class of drinkers: the students. Drinking is a chief aspect of university life, and even for those who don’t drink, the adventures and misdemeanors of those who do, play a significant part in the university experience. Can a newcomer that leaves the drinker in a ‘pleasant state of mild inebriation’ really keep up? Certainly if the popularity of Cardinals Cocktails, Park End’s quaddy voddies and the 75p ‘boptail’ is anything to go by, the answer is no. When work hard, play hard is the mantra by which most abide religiously, the substitute would be about as well received as a £10 pitcher with just 3 shots of Smirnoff in it.
This isn’t necessarily a fatal obstacle – I’m sure with a little tinkering Professor Nutt could come up with something that leaves you, if not passed out with your head in a toilet, at least ‘drunk’. But then, that would probably never get through the government’s stringent drug approval measures.
The very fact that alcohol can be abused at the drinker’s discretion is what makes it such a crowd pleaser, and whilst this is a depressing realisation, the regimental introduction of a new lifestyle drug to take its place will be very, very difficult.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYAkWJ6Sjfs
