Our resident columnist has taken a jaunt to Trindad to sample that rum, and seeing as we’ve got no class or alcoholic know-how, we’re going big with alcopops. Before you even arrive at uni, films, television and the media all instil in you that ‘real men’ only drink beer, if not ale, if not Guinness. After bartending at a recent 18th birthday party, we can verify that the few lads who chose a nice glass of Grenache over the far more popular Corona Extra were faced with reactions that ranged from confusion to aggression at their refusal to conform. Even more tellingly, only one boy asked for a Bacardi Breezer all night, and this was only for the hilarious jape of drinking it in front of his incredulous mates – ‘Guys, have you seen Gary?! He’s got a breezer mate! What is he, gay? Nah, course not; what a joker!’ Comedy gold.
Yet when we arrive at uni, everything changes. If you take a minute to look around you next time you’re at Park End (I know it’s unpleasant but bear with me), you’ll notice that almost every ‘lad’ in the room is drinking a brightly coloured, diabetes-inducingly sweet ‘alcho-pop’. Once the preserve of 14 year old chavs drinking on park benches in city centres, these saccharine treats are now a fundamental part of the Oxford binge drinking culture.
Yes, the alco-pop is de rigeur in Oxonian establishments, particularly useful for their “strawpedo-ing” capacity – put a straw in your bottle before downing it, and the nasty process is made easier, and yes, you’re bevved even quicker. L-A-Double D. Incidentally, if you don’t like them bubbles, Reefs are a pretty good shout – they come in a variety of flavours, as do J20, but don’t be fooled, lashmongers…they’re non-alcoholic, so no pretending to be hammered after a coulple of cheeky rounds…the “J” stands for juice.
