“Let’s be clear about this much – however the police threaten us, something real is brewing here,”
The room of impassioned and dedicated young things murmurs as the activists shake their hands in approval.
“When it comes to kettles, we must stay strong”
More murmurs. A few jazz hands. Another point is taken from the front.
“But things get heated and could boil over. People have to think about their health. They could get anxious or panicked, and it could keep people awake at night…”
The debate goes on. Meanwhile, at the back of the room, a casual observer is confused.
“I don’t understand” he whispers to his friend Ignatius.
“What is there to not understand?” He was quickly running out of patience with Rupert’s lack of revolutionary nous.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I said. “I thought we, this organisation…”
“Collective”
“Ok, ‘collective’, were against the cuts?”
“Of course”
“But this flyer says that “\\\\\P.R.O.T.E.S.T\\\\\ plans to slash education funding, raise tuition fees and further marketise higher education”. I don’t want anything to do with an organisation like that!”
“\\\\\P.R.O.T.E.S.T\\\\\ isn’t the name, it means the verb, dipshit. It’s a call to arms.”
“Ahh, they could have made that clea…”
“And it’s not an organisation!”
Back in the actual meeting, an agreement seems to be near at hand. The affable, quietly-spoken chairperson starts to talk:
“Ok, I think we have consensus. The beverage should be of moderate strength, and contain no caffeine, alcohol, dairy products, or ingredients either taken from or derived from animals in any degree, however humanely handled, and should be approved by the Ethical Tea Partnership; it is therefore proposed that tonight we should all have Tetley’s ‘Peppermint Punch’, with soy milk provided for those who might want it.”
“Soy milk?” Rupert asks incredulously, “Who the fuck has soy milk in peppermint tea?”
A silence falls across the room. The chair clears her throat.
“Respectfully, had you been listening, this point was already made in a Stand Aside by Comrade Guinevere, and we decided that while such conduct was unusual, we could not deny the right to soy milk to anyone who wanted it”
“But you could deny the right to normal milk, or normal coffee, or a beefburger?”
An air of discord begins ripple through the room. There are even tentative jive motions and activists begin to shout out:
“Come to think of it, I think I’d have preferred ‘Camomile Smile'”
“What’s actually wrong with Haribo anyway?”
“Fucking hell, I could do with a Domino’s Meateor”
Rupert gains confidence. “See, these people don’t want this! What sort of anarchy doesn’t let people do whatever the hell they want?”
The chairperson retains her conciliatory tone, but is clearly flustered. “Well firstly, not that it matters, but Kropotkin writes very clearly on the issue of voluntary co-operation and mutual aid… never mind. The point is that everything happens with everyone’s consent. If you strongly disagree, if ANYONE strongly disagrees, then under Consensus decision-making you can place a Block”
“What’s that?”
“It’s for use in extreme situations, when you feel the pursuit of a policy by the group will have catastrophic consequences for the cause”
“Your policy won’t be catastrophic “for the cause”, I just want a coffee, with milk, probably from Starbucks, without feeling the judging gaze of a roomful of moral high-grounds.”
“Then if you’d Stand Aside and let the meeting continue…”
“So either you have to veto everything or else you register your disapproval while getting ignored? Who came up with this decision making process in the first place? I suppose you got a consensus, eh? Yeah, that’s right, I said it! Who’s with me?”
The room is silent. There’s a cough. No-one moves.
“I think you’d better leave”
“You can’t throw me out! I’ve got every right to be here! You can’t take away my rights!”
“All those who think Comrade Rupert should leave?”
Vigourous jazz-hands all around.
“…I don’t suppose I could place a Block on this motion…?”
“Go”
Awkwardly, Rupert shuffles out of the room. The chairperson continues.
“Right, now to decide who’s going to make the tea…”
