A series of thefts from communal fridges at Hertford College has led to third-year students proposing a motion for the JCR to take action against the culprit. The motion calls for additional security and harsh punishment of the criminal.
The proposers of the motion, Matt Jones and Hari Jackson, explained the details of their proposal, saying, “We have asked the JCR to allocate £250 pounds for the installation of the best possible security system, ideally featuring a combination of CCTV, motion detectors and (although we admit this is optimistic) a fingerprint-coded lock on the fridge.”
He continued, “As for what was stolen, we are currently down half a chicken and bacon sandwich, a chicken triple and a Tesco ‘Everyday Value’ tikka masala (at least). We appear to be dealing with a thief specialising in chicken-based carb dishes, as nothing else has been stolen from a fridge that had contained a large number of beers, smoked salmon and a Terry’s Chocolate Orange over the last two weeks.”
When asked about the identity of the thief, the pair revealed, “We haven’t ruled anyone out. We’re very keen on poetic justice, and as such if the thief is caught we would like to see them mandated by the JCR to eat an entire roast chicken during the duration of the next meeting.” They added, “We are greatly saddened by these events, as combined with the RONing debacle of two weeks ago it feels like Hertford is forgetting its true identity,” but added that “we are sure the JCR will do its utmost to stop this pillaging and approve our motion.”
It seems that chicken theft at Hertford is a long-standing problem. One second-year History student traced food thefts back to last year. She commented, “Someone took an entire pack of chicken breasts from the fridge. It was tragic. I had an exciting chicken-based curry planned. Despite pleas and angry appeals for the chicken to be replaced, I never found the culprit.” However, she continued, “CCTV and motion sensors may be taking things a bit too far and creating a culture of fear and paranoia at Hertford. It is a sad day if we come to that.”
When asked about the food thefts motion, Hertford JCR President Hugh Baker told Cherwell, “I have no knowledge of any food thefts. We had a JCR meeting last Sunday, our next one is Sunday of 8th. There was no motion regarding food theft last Sunday, and there hasn’t been one submitted for next time.