Cracked open a fortune cookie last week and you’ll never guess the gem of a line Fate decided to hand me:
Someone will pursue you this week.
I’m not normally susceptible to psycho tendencies but since I started eating Chinese food, things have definitely taken a turn for the worse; I just think it’s a little dangerous to plant those kind of thoughts in a (very receptive) mind… I’m dreading the day I have to go through a You will fall in love this month debacle.
Although, at the time I was a little less cynical and a little more, “Yeeaaah! I like the sound of that Mr. Fortune Cookie.” And so I floated out of the restaurant on cloud nine. Smiles and joy all round; for everyone; even the creepy guy on the bicycle who then decided to… yep, that’s right… follow me.
“Alright, love?”
Yeah, I’m great. Never been better; this is Fate with a capital ‘F’ (which corresponds nicely with the other capital ‘F’ I’m thinking of right now).
On closer inspection, he wasn’t so much a creepy guy as a pre-pubescent boy of average Cheltenham descent. I definitely could have had him in a fight, but I’m not a risk taker so I whipped out the phone to call back up:
“Hannah…. mmmbeingfffolllwed!”
“What?! I can’t hear you! Speak up.”
I have absolutely no idea why, but I didn’t want to offend my pursuer by speaking about him while he was right behind me. I could just hear my mother’s voice: “Darling, it’s very rude to speak about someone when they’re right there.” Cheers Mum! So one very lengthy, cryptic conversation later and I had eventually managed to reveal my situation and location.
“Keep walking, I’m sending Jake to get you!”
Feeling safer in the knowledge that a hero (albeit only one on loan) was on his way, I decided to confront my stalker:
“Uh, sorry, can I help you?”
(Apparently I thought I was dealing with a lost tourist).
“Oh, hi, yeah, I just wanted a chat.”
(Perfect, he’s a talker. I was worried for a second we might have had to endure a few awkward silences.)
Pulling out his headphones, he then hits me with this charmer:
“Sorry, bit anti-social of me with my music in.”
“Yeah, a little bit. Actually, while we’re on that topic, do you know what else is quite anti-social?!”
Thank you, Fortune Cookie Factory – my faith in your honesty and accuracy has been restored. If we could now just follow up on a couple you seem to have forgotten about: the brand new car and boyfriend that you promised me back in January, for instance…
